Tonight, as I prepared myself to head to bed, I knew that I couldn’t I knew that my mind, and body just wouldn’t allow me to. So, I started writing, I have been writing all night and it is now about 2:30 am. I haven’t slept yet because my mind keeps going and telling me to keep writing because I have so much to catch up after not writing for days. I didn’t write for days because I didn’t know what to write about and now that I do, I don’t want to stop. I am afraid that if I go to sleep then I will forget all that I want to write about and I will not be able to write about it again. So, I need to write about it now.
I know that we often we forget that we don’t have to be strong all the time, it is okay not to be okay. It’s okay to feel broken, and sad. It is okay to not feel okay. It is okay to not be okay. What isn’t okay is always acting as if you are okay when all you want to do is break down and cry. It isn’t okay when all you want to do is talk to someone, but you feel like you can’t because they make you feel like you need to be okay.
I know I am not always okay, and I now know that the longer that I thought I had to be okay the harder it got feel and be okay. I now know that longer I held in all the sadness I felt the more I wanted to break down and cry. The more I held it in the more that I felt like I needed to talk to someone, but it also made it way harder for me to talk to someone. I made myself feel so alone even when I knew I wasn’t so alone. I made myself feel like I couldn’t rely on anyone because they always thought I was okay, but little did I know that when the day came that I was having a break down it would take me down the wrong path in life. I didn’t realize how much I truly needed to talk to someone, so I didn’t fully lose myself.
After all that I have been through in my life I just needed someone, I could talk to without feeling like a burden because anytime I talked to anyone, they made me feel like a burden because I was struggling, but they weren’t my true friends, I was just there for them when they needed me, and they knew they couldn’t be there for me when I needed them.
I now know who my real friends are because they tried their best to help me out of a dark hole that I was falling into, that they saw I couldn’t get out of. I wasn’t in the hole for long, because your real friends will not make you stay at rock bottom forever on your own, they will climb down and help you out one step at a time and one day at a time.
They will help you for as long as it takes, even when you feel like giving up. They know that you would do the same for them, so they will return the favor if they are your real friends. Real friends won’t watch you struggle alone, they will try their best to help you as much as they can. It is okay to ask for help even when people make you feel weak for asking; asking for help just means you are brave enough to ask for a helping hand. You are the only one that knows how much you can handle, so you need to be the one to ask for help. Speak up for your mental health it is okay to ask for help don’t hide it.