Most recently published stories in Confessions.
Everything is grey at night. Sometimes, if you're lucky, a gleam of blue will paint the world with its colour, making the scene less morbid. I always found this particular pigmentation depressing. I seem to associate it with loneliness. Such a cold and harsh feeling. Despite that, I never fail to find beauty in said loneliness. It resides in small blips of light. In my years of wondering, I have discovered man refers to them as stars. Stars: such a peculiar concept. Burning hot, quadrillions of miles away, most of them being already dead by the time humanity becomes aware of their existence, others struggling to uphold a righteous position in the cosmos, only to be perished a few million years later. Yet man romanticizes them. He places wishes upon them. It's as if he is charmed by their tragedy. Most extraordinary. And that is exactly, where I think their beauty stems from. Belief. One could easily equate belief with magic. Both are as easily described as they are understood. There is such beauty in belief. In magic. Who would have thought, that such little blips in the night sky could bring so much happiness to a lonely soul like mine...imagine my surprise when I saw it. It looked like a star, only it wasn't a blip. It was majestic, big, astounding. So beautiful. Magic was radiating from it, you could feel it oozing with strange energy...some people call it I think...love? It must have been love. It didn't lift my heart immediately however. After our first meeting, it took a long time for the moon (yes, that's what they call it) to make my cold, broken heart beat again. I wasn't alone anymore. Such wonderous feeling the sense of belongingness...so rare. I loved the moon, and the moon loved me. We were so happy. But I grew scared. What if the moon leaves? What if the moon discovers that I am not good enough? What will happen then to my nights...will they return to the lifeless grey? Or to that awful blue? I was being unfair...the moon loved me with all of its being. I felt as if all of its mysterious energy was only focused on me, and me alone. I was draining it, and I didn't realize. I was enjoying the love too much to notice. I became greedy. I demanded its rays to shine only on me, not only now and in the future, but in the past as well. The moon cried over that many a night...until one evening like all the others, the moon didn't show. I looked everywhere for it, I asked every living being in the universe, yet no one was to tell me where it went. They had observed the injustice. The moon had left me. It wanted to be happy...it would be happier without me. It was as if the blips of happiness called stars even spelled it out for me in the night sky...It will be happier without you...the pain was unfathomable. I started running on mortal land. I hoped the wind across my face would crush my skull, but it was nothing but a mere breeze. I hoped my legs would bleed and rip on the rocks and the grass, yet it felt like a gentle touch. Nothing could distract me from the pain in my soul. I must have been running for years, when suddenly I felt the ground underneath my legs vanish; I hadn't realized in my grief that I had gone over a well, and I was now sinking into its depths. Almost wishing the blow of my body hitting the bottom of the well would bring me the sweet release I was dreaming of, I raised my eyes into the sky, and suddenly I felt my heart stop. The moon was showering everything with its rays again. It was standing tall in the middle of the sky, and all the stars were eager to talk to it. They were laughing...it was laughing. So it is true, I thought to myself. The moon is happier without me. That brought a smile to my face and tears to my eyes. There was nothing more beautiful than to see it happy. Such beauty. I knew that one day perhaps another being would touch the moon, and maybe they won't drain it. Maybe they would supply it with the energy it needs to become truly magnificent. I heard my body hitting the bottom of the well, and I knew I wouldn't be around to see that day. It didn't matter. Cause for the last time, I was looking at my moon, and I was happy.
Feelings don’t lie but I did
I remember staying in a shelter on skid Row, it was called the Mission. there I met a young lady who made me feel a little bit more different about myself she did things for me that my wife didn’t and this is probably not a good idea to engage in but what can I say I wasn’t thinking with my heart.
Yes, I feel lonely. Yes, I have feelings too. In fact, my feelings tend to be what others care the least about. After all the kindness I've shown, and the fun adventures I take them on, they still tend to want to leave. Why? Because they miss their parents? Because they miss home?
A Precious Love
It was in the middle of the summer and the weather was extremely hot. All my friends were finding love so easily but for so many people it must have been hard on them. Everyone would go to this one spot to make out with each other. As life goes by and their must be a meaning for all of this in someway or another to find the perfect true love of your life.
I Spent Three Years Selling Healing Crystals as Cure-Alls
For three years, my Monday afternoons, Thursday evenings, and Sundays were spent at a hole in the wall gem shop next to a medical marijuana dispensary. To date, it was the highest-paid and most interesting job I’ve ever had.
The Married Man, The School Secretary, and The Rabbi
1983 I wasn’t supposed to go to my car in between classes, but by the time I was a junior in high school I was so addicted to smoking Marlboro Lights, I’d run to the parking lot and suck one down before the next bell.
MY TEENAGE MUSIC ESCAPE AWAY FROM LIES
In my early childhood years spent on candies and video games, I had a thing for music. I always have. Still do even now. It was as much as my ears could bear the rhythms and the musical instruments used to create a masterpiece that made me escape harsh reality of obliterating truths. A mental escape somehow. A way to take a heavenly path towards a dream to become more powerful than the eating disorder chubby fellow I was that could barely slam a fly down because of a sense of injustice. Why would I end the life of a buzzing bug if I could not believe myself of how to change mine?
When You Fall In Love
In life, we all love and we all lose. The saying goes “it is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all.” But is it truly better to love and lose it, then to never experience the true art of love? The answer has never been clear to me. I have loved many and lost many, I have continued to search for love, and I have continued to have it fall through my fingers. No matter how many times I have learned to love, I have still not learned that losing it can be just as hard to understand.
as my teenage years come to an end
A playlist I made a year and a half ago reflecting on past heartbreaks. Updating it this year for the challenge. Romeo and Juliet-The Killers
"What I miscalculated during the early months of covid-19"
W“What I misscalculated during the early covid-19 month” The world health organization (WHO) declared Corona virus pandemic on march 11th, and I was released from the prison on March 15th. Actually, I was released on 14th and got home on 15th.
Music saved my Emo life
Going through all these songs for this challenge was tough. Some were hard to listen to, but also comforting. If you want an immersive experience, and to feel sad and maybe nostalgic (if you know any of these), you can find the playlist here:
Could It Have Been Because of Me...?
Hello. I know that I've been in something of a humorous, lite-hearted mood lately ("The Bachelor"/"The One;" false accounts of "Dream" sequences where my old crushes [under different names] all vied for MY attention for a change??? "Hanna, the Barberian;" really???) Not today. Today is a serious reflection on a serious subject.