Mama

I know what it’s like to not have a mom, I know what it’s like to fail like you have failed your mom because you don’t know what she would want you to do. I know what it is like to feel like the one person that you wanted to be there for all your success isn’t there. I know what it feels like to feel like you’re letting her down each time one thing in life goes wrong. You feel like she is the only one that you ever wanted to truly make proud the one that you wanted to hear scream as you walked across the stage at graduation, the one that you wanted to hold your hand as you brought your baby into the world.

I know what it feels like to feel let down as you watched the casket close on their body. I know what it feels like to want to pick the phone up to call your mom for advice, but it won’t be her on the other end of that phone. I know the feeling that you need to pick up the phone to call your mom and tell her all your successes that are happening because she would cheer you on the loudest. She would be the one screaming so loud for you when you do something great, and she would be the one to pick you up when you are down. She is the one that was always there for you when you needed her the most. She was the one that loved you when no one else would. She was the one that made sure you were okay when you weren’t acting like yourself.

You were your mama’s world, but you didn’t realize how much she would be your world too. You didn’t know she meant as much to you as she does. You didn’t think you would miss her as much as you did, and you often told her you hated her, but you truly didn’t mean it and you regret all those times because now she’s gone, and you cannot tell her how sorry you are and how much love her. You just wish you had one more moment with her to tell her all the things you regret not telling. You wish you could tell her you love her one more, you wish you could hear her laugh one last time, yell one time, and you feel the warmth of her hug one more time.

You miss all of those times that your mom was there for you when no one else was and when it felt like the world was against you, your mama was right there by your side to make sure you knew that you could do anything in the entire world as long as you put your mind to it; your mama would tell you to do anything in the world that you wanted to no matter how old you are. You can do it, and you mama would tell you the same thing, she would push you to do it because she knows you would regret it in the future if you don’t do it while you wanted to. She would give up things just to make sure you had all that you wanted and needed in life; she did things in life she never thought she would just to make sure you were happy even if it meant giving up on something that she truly wanted. Your mama didn’t let you see her cry every time you were mean to her, but she cried every time because she only wanted you to know how much she loved you and she wanted you to see how hard she was trying but you were too stubborn to see it. She loved/loves more than anything in the world.

If your mama is still here hugging her tight and tell her you love her.