Fucked up

Today I was sitting here working and texting a friend, like any other night.

Tonight, he asked me if it made it easier to accept my life when I wrote it out to tell my story; but honestly it doesn’t, honestly it has made me deny my life a little bit more.

I tell my story to help others, to encourage others. To help them through their life problems, I know life isn’t easy. I know life is hard; but what makes it better is when life gives you a million reasons to give up you find that one reason to keep going and to keep pushing.

I know it is easy to go down the same path as your family, I was doing it too, I made myself get better, but I didn’t do it on my own. I did it with the help of my awesome friends.

Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, we all know that but, after every rainy day and stormy night there is sunshine and maybe even a rainbow.

Just because today is dark and hard to get through doesn’t mean you have to give up because you don’t.

You can get through this too. You can make it up out of that dark whole. You deserve to make it the best day of your life; but sitting and dwelling on your life problems will not get you anywhere.

Talking about what has happened in my life gets easier each time I talk about it, but it doesn’t make it easier overall. It still hurts just as it did at those moments.

I take the things that have happened to me in my life as a lesson that one day I hope to help someone through what they are going through, or I hope that they take my life and make it a lesson for themselves as well so they can do better than what they think they deserve.

We all fail, and we all make mistakes, but it’s only a mistake If we do it once and take that mistake as a lesson, and not repeat it over again. If you, do it more than once then you are making it a habit, and breaking a habit is hard. So, stop the first time, and do right; because damnit you’re not only hurting yourself in the process you’re hurting your friends, family, or whoever is involved.

You might think what you are doing is harmless, but I can promise you that it’s not harmless, it hurts; and the more that you do the same thing over again the more it hurts, and you’re just making your friends and family hate you. That’s not a good feeling. Feeling all alone because you hurt the people that love you the most is the worse feeling in the entire world, and you may never get those people back.

You may think it means nothing, but it truly means everything. They tried so hard to stick by your side, but you hurt them so much that they just couldn’t handle it anymore. You were causing them more harm than they could handle. They knew their self-worth even when you couldn’t see, they believed in you when you didn’t believe in yourself.

They wanted to put you first, but they couldn’t anymore, because you always put them last, they needed to find someone who would put them first, or they just needed to put themselves first, because you were toxic to them. They did everything they could to make you see how much you were hurting them, but you only ever thought about your own feelings, and pain. You never thought about what you were putting them through, you didn’t think making them feel so alone while you were there would make them leave, but they knew they could find someone that would put them first, love and cherish them with every ounce of love and attention they could give. You lost a good one, but maybe one day you will get lucky and find someone half as good as they were.