Stop Telling Depressed Christians to “Just Pray More”

For most of my adult life, I have struggled with anxiety and depression. For millions of people like me, mental health is not just an abstract “issue” people talk about. It is a daily struggle.

It’s often worse when you’re a Christian.

Misunderstanding, moralising and over-spiritualising are common in the church. Thankfully though, the church is also a place where I’ve received the most beautiful love and compassion.

Whatever the response has been, the church has an opportunity to show more love to the millions of people who struggle with mental health. My country of Australia has some of the highest rates of mental illness in the world. According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, as of July 2024 (the most recent data):

More than 40 per cent of Australians aged 16–85 have experienced a mental disorder at some time in their life.

More than 20 per cent of us have had a 12-month mental disorder.

Young people are particularly affected. Almost 40 per cent of Australians aged 16–24 years have a 12-month mental disorder.

Statistics are easy to quote, but I ache inside when I remember that these are people’s lives. Chances are that you either know someone in the above categories, or you yourself are experiencing a mental disorder.

The Problem of Spiritual Bypassing

The church has a mixed record when it comes to approaching mental health. I have heard and read many stories of love, compassion and healing for mentally ill people in the church. On the other hand, only just over a third (37 percent) of Australian church attenders said the support they received from their church for their mental illness was adequate, according to the most recent National Church Life Survey.

I have heard too many stories of moralising and over-spiritualising of mental health in the church. They include “encouragement” to “just pray more”, that their mental illness is a sin, or that they “have a demon”. Responses like that are not only hugely ineffective, they are incredibly abusive and are therefore the very antithesis of a Christian response.

We wouldn’t give advice like that to someone with a broken leg. So, why would we give it to someone with a mental illness? It’s incredibly insensitive.

Asking the right questions

In his book Lost Connections, researcher Johann Hari suggests that the question we need to ask those who struggle is not, “What’s wrong with you?” but rather, “What happened to you?”

Ask anyone struggling with mental illness and you will most often hear about severe trauma they have experienced at some point in their lives. The only adequate response to that is compassion.

So, how did Jesus deal with people struggling with what we might describe as mental illness? As is the case today, such people in Jesus’ day were among the most marginalised, oppressed, devalued and stigmatised in society. The gospels show that he approached them as people made in the image of God, with full dignity and therefore fully deserving of love.

A Practical Path Toward Compassion

What then can a compassionate and practical response from the church look like? In my experience, both as someone who has experienced mental illness and someone who works with those suffering, here’s what I suggest:

Ask God to give you a sensitivity to people who struggle and to respond with love.

Saturate yourself in the gospels until you see the overflowing compassion of Jesus for people who struggle.

Learn the stories of people with mental illness. Listen to them and tell them you hear them.

Don’t give advice unless it is asked for.

If you tell people you are there for them, make sure you are. People struggling with their mental health have experienced enough rejection and empty promises. They don’t need you to be one more person in a long line.

The Power of Presence

It’s ok if you feel inadequate in knowing what to do. Often we don’t know what to say, or we think that if we do say something, it will just make it worse. So, we don’t get involved. Meanwhile, the person needing help suffers alone.

You may have heard the old story of the grandfather who was depressed. Many people went to him to help. They spoke to him, gave him all sorts of advice, tried to cheer him up, but nothing worked. One day, after a little child spent time with him, the grandfather felt a lot better. Everyone was amazed, and they asked the child what she did. The child said, “Nothing; I just sat there with him and didn’t say anything”.

Never underestimate the power of loving presence. If someone is struggling with mental illness and you have absolutely no idea how to help, that’s perfectly ok. Just go and be with them.

You might just save their life.