Step Back From the Edge!

The edge is the cliff where you stand whenever you are sure you are RIGHT. For example, if you look up "righteous," you'll find many versions of the following: "of behavior that is morally justifiable or right. Accepted standards of morality characterize such behavior".

What standards? Yours? Your religion? Your country's? What makes your view "justifiable"?

You determine your certainty and your rightness throughout your life.

It is the total of what you have experienced and learned. And if you learned different things than the other guy, what then? You get to be correct, and they get to be wrong.

And so, you stand at the cliff's edge, confident that you are working from a justifiable morality. You hold onto this certainty because the abyss awaits you when you give an inch. It is a cliff built on your assumptions and your greatest fears. There is a feeling that accompanies "THE EDGE."

The surface might include panic, righteousness, and even a subtle sense of desperation, but it is always emotional.

The abyss that you fear is generally out of your control. That is why you are afraid. The concerns you have may or may not be accurate, but you will have an investment in their TRUTH. And you will act on this truth in ways that may cost you significantly, but you are sure you have no choice. The greater your fear, the more likely you are to do something which will cause damage.

Another perspective's view.

There is another view that might enrich your perspective. Perhaps the edge you stand on and your beliefs create the abyss you fear. Those beliefs sometimes represent an attempt to assign blame or deny responsibility for some of the things you control.

If it is everyone else's fault, you can ignore what you may be doing. Which causes you to continue to lose ground as you rage against the responsibilities and decisions of others.

Rage.

This kind of anger is often called fury and is a feeling of intense, violent, or growing anger. It is sometimes associated with the fight-or-flight response. It is usually activated in response to being in the presence of a threat.

How often are you angry? How many people are frustrating, letting you down, disappointing your expectations? Is it one or two, or is it more? If it is often, could your anger be gathering to become rage? If so, can you name the threat?

For example, if you rage at the vacuum cleaner cord tangled around your ankle, is it because you have become afraid of falling? Do you fear losing peace or centeredness if you rage at your neighbor's music? Perhaps you have already lost it, and the neighbor only shows you this is the case.

Are you rude to people you do not know who does not meet your expectations? The receptionist in the doctor's office who can't seem to fit you in soon enough, the clerk in the grocery store who forgets to hand you the bag on the carousel. Or the car service department who tells you that your warranty on that costly part has expired.

Perhaps your real fear is about your health, finances, lack of control of your future, or maybe the fate of those around you. Even as the list of possibilities increases, so do the dangers of so many opportunities. We're all standing on the edge, and if we look around, we may discover that we are all afraid of many of the same things.

What if you are wrong in many of your assumptions? Keep in mind that patterns will always prove you are correct. However, practices will also show you another side of the same picture. Always.

Awareness.

You may find that whether you are right or wrong is irrelevant. What you do is the thing that matters. Knowing you are on edge is as good a motivation as any to slow down, explore if you might be wrong, and reassess your next steps accordingly.

What is certain is that whatever you believe will cause you to respond in ways that could help or hurt the outcome. If you respond as if the other person is your worst nightmare, you will react in fear.

Fear.

Anxiety or fear will almost always sub-optimize your result, and ultimately, the person will probably become your worst nightmare. That's what is meant when you hear that you "draw."

Please think of how you have observed others who lash out at the people they needed to help positively solve the problem. It doesn't matter if they were right; others were slackers, unconcerned, or incompetent.

The person on edge will still lose, no matter how right or righteous. Pretend what the person is raging about because no one seems to care. That person is apt to create or amplify the thing they fear. The person's responses will make it harder for others to care enough to help.

When you stand on the edge of your very own abyss, you are most likely to respond in ways that will ensure you slide down that hill into your worst nightmare.

Please pay attention to those people you offend and note how it serves you or doesn't.

Sadly, you may not realize when you are "acting out." Your behaviors have all been justified by your beliefs.

Regulating the outcome.

Sometimes it helps to ask yourself whether you can control the outcome you are afraid of. Be honest about your answer. You may think you can handle it by the above behaviors, but how's that working?

Do you think you can stop your children from doing stupid things? Could anyone have prevented you? Can you stop an organization from doing layoffs in bad times? Can you force people to accept diversity?

You can certainly try. Remember that anything you do out of anger or attempting to control others will likely backfire. You must find other ways to accomplish your desires if you want to have true success. It would help if you redirected your anger and rage to have positive outcomes.

If you're afraid of not being understood, be clear. Bad behavior will not help people understand you better. But, we have a chance if we can all learn to recognize the fear when we are in it.

If it were easy, everyone would be doing it. Try not to judge others when they're standing on the edge.

“If we cannot learn to manage our fears individually, our collective furies might destroy everything.”

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Thank you for reading to the end