I've been in the states for what seems like years in just a few months span. I feel like I look down into the darkness of depression lately. I'm staying in Cleveland for school, and for our home. Most importantly my husband's green card.
The hardest thing is feeling lonely, in a large city that I am still trying to adjust to.
I feel resentment because this is the longest time I've not been unemployed.
I'm trying so hard not to focus on the negative but it's so hard not to. I just really want to stop feeling this way.
It doesn't help how I feel it never goes away. I want it to, the feeling of missing my friend, my family (my hubby.)
You have no idea how exhausting it is to feel this way.
I have been trying really hard to listen to these coping skills. Sometimes the feelings I feel make me not want to get out of bed.
Stay Connected: We always stay connected to each other. But when being in a new city it is very intimidating and makes me feel like a tiny ant.
Build a Support Network: My support system isn't really much. I've not been connecting with a lot of people. Expect a few neighbours in my apartment.
Engage in Hobbies: I've not engaged in any hobbies in a lot time. Very long time, I used to love horseback riding, but now that I'm in the city there is only one place. I know of and I don't know how much it is to even ride there.
Self-Care: I haven't been really taking care of myself emotionally, or exercising as I should. I am in college so I can work out anytime I want in the school gym.
Explore New Interests: I have treated to explore different social groups. Instead it just to awkward for me, so I did something else guss I hang out with my husband via text or video call.
Practice Mindfulness and Meditation: I wouldn't say that I meditate but I listen to music to relax. I took up that habit to help with my anxiety.
Volunteer: I've not really explored Cleveland that much.
Set Goals: I've not really set much goals yet: I think my number one goal making through college in one please to get my degree in Social Work. I've been mostly working very hard have my husband here with me.
Seek Professional Help: I have been seeking professional help the best thing about Cleveland is there are nonprofit organisations for therapy. I have a really good therapy that treats me with respect and actually helps me.
Plan Visits: We did plan that recently but it fell through. My husband said that God works in mysterious ways. I know he is right, but it doesn't help when I feel lonely.
I know it's normal to feel lonely when my husband and I are apart due to unforeseen things. I just feel like being in Cleveland alone in our apartment though quiet I just miss him. However, I know we will reunite. I just can't help but feel disconnected, and sad.
I am trying to make sense out of all this. So stepping back to accept that things didn't happen as I planned them. It's like swallow a huge pill and you can feel it stuck in your throat. I wish these feelings would subside right now, to not feel this way. I feel the only way these emotions will subside until I see my husband again and permanently.
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