Am I Being Abused?

How do you tell if you're being emotionally abused?

A lot of people who have never been abused get confused. After all, how does a person not know they are being abused? Well, that's the fun part of emotional and mental abuse and abusive individuals. Generally abusive relationships never start out abusive.

Usually, everything starts out great in these relationships. And then the abuse is sneaky and subtle. It starts out as emotional manipulations that the victim doesn't realize, then it goes from subtle manipulations to keeping someone emotionally tired and isolated.

And then bam, it's like the abuse is smacking you in the face, you just don't realize it's abuse because you've been mentally and emotionally trained to not notice it over the course of the last few weeks or months. And often it takes an outside voice to be able to spell it out and make an abuse victim realize it.

Personally, I had these behaviors explained to me, and then I did research. And it was easier for me after having it laid out for me in detail did I see past the veil my narcissist partner planted for me. So here are some things to keep an eye out for, to help you determine if someone may be emotionally and mentally manipulating you, or even abusing you. .

1. A narcissist will have double standards.

When trying to compromise with a narcissist or an abusive person there will be absolutely no wiggle room. You will find there is no happy medium, no compromise, and absolutely none of your needs being met. You will always have the short end of the stick in every situation.

2. They will constantly be 'joking' or aggravating you about things that hurt your feelings or upset you.

It's one thing to poke fun playfully at each other, but if someone is not laughing then that's a joke that usually doesn't get told again. And generally, when someone who loves you pokes fun at you, it's not about something that hurts your feelings.

An abusive person will say things that hurt, and then devalue your feelings when you express yourself about it. They will tell you they are 'just joking' and you're 'overreacting.' They will cross your boundaries repeatedly, and make you feel like you're the bad guy for reacting the way that you did.

Let us be very clear: your feelings matter, and people who love you do not repeatedly hurt your feelings, make you insecure, make you question yourself, or make you feel like you don't matter. That is not something that someone who loves you does in a healthy relationship of any sort.

3. Prone to emotional fits especially jealousy.

If you mention or talk to an old lover. If you spend too much time with one particular person - even if it's just your best friend, you'll get accused or interrogated. If someone just even looks at you, and even you don't notice, you find yourself defending yourself against out-of-the-blue accusations.

Then they will fight with you, violate your privacy, and anguish for hours. Eventually, having no contact with anyone becomes the new normal, because it makes your life easier. You feel trapped by this person because having friends meant being interrogated and/or punished every time you had fun or even a harmless conversation.

4. Always has an excuse or is always the victim in their situations.

How is it possible that out of everyone you know, this person you are thinking about when reading this article, happens to be the one person who gets away with approximately everything you probably swore at one point in time you would never tolerate? And how is it that every time this person crosses one of those boundaries, it is you or someone else is the bad guy somehow?

And how did they manage to make you look like the crazy one?

5. Very spiteful or vindictive when angry.

When they are upset, they tend to do things or say things that they can't take back. And they do this repeatedly over time, alternating between being so happy, and loving, to angry, distant, and hateful. They punish you for behaviors that displease them.

Eventually, you're afraid to even express yourself due to disturbing the peace and provoking a fight.

6. You always feel alone, even when in the same room.

There is a quote that says: "The only thing worse than being alone, is feeling alone with someone beside you." when you are dating someone abusive, all the weight will be on your shoulders. You will have to deal with everything alone. You will always feel worthless and devalued, and soon you'll forget that you are allowed to have feelings. And eventually, you'll feel numb.

7. Devalue your feelings and punish you for things that upset them.

All in all, everything will always be your fault. And when trying to talk about it, somehow the conversation will always get twisted or off-topic, to a time when they could claim you did something wrong. Your feelings will be twisted, and soon you'll doubt yourself on everything. This fogs the mind, and eventually, you'll begin to believe it. You will automatically start blaming yourself when things go wrong when exposed to this kind of behavior long enough.

8. You have begun to feel like you are worthless and unworthy of affection.

When you yourself begin to fade away, you start to devalue yourself right along with your abuser. It's almost like it hurts less when they say the things you know they will say to you if you say them to yourself first. It hurts less. When you have reached this point, it's even harder to see the light.

Do any of these behaviors sound familiar to you?

If so, how many do you relate to? You have to remember if you are being devalued as a human being, if your feelings are being devalued and twisted then the answer is no matter what the situation is: Yes you are indeed being emotionally abused. Because you are not worthless, and your feelings matter.

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If you are in an abusive relationship and you need help - contacts are listed below!

National Domestic Abuse Hotline:

http://www.thehotline.org/

1-800-799-7233

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https://www.amazon.com/Memoirs-Between-Willowmeana/dp/1644622459

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