A List Of Ways To Kick-Start A Woman's Period

A woman's body is like a...

They are a seething hole of HATRED. That's what our bodies are like. And for women who develop endocrine imbalances, that is especially true, and the people our bodies hate the most are the hosts. As if periods aren't bad enough, imagine a period where your womb is throwing a Texas-sized fit about having to do its job - so it cramps with no blood, you experience all of the hormones, hunger, fatigue, but there's no blood.

And then every month until it decides to do the thing, it holds out on the bleeding (not often the symptoms though). And then one day your body decides: Okay. Okay. It's time to the thing, you're right.

And so then you bleed for 6 six weeks. Your iron gets low. The fatigue that you thought was bad for the last few months intensifies. The cramps called in an airstrike and your ovaries are taking hits from missiles and being torn to shreds (only metaphorically of course, so that your body can do this all again in 3 to 6 months). You can smell yourself and your blood because showers don't fix the problem and you walk around praying that no one else can smell you.

You're stuck in the fetal position for three days sobbing in pain, and your family threatens to take you to the hospital even though you know they won't do a damn thing for you. If anything they'll assume you're fat and your periods wouldn't be so irregular or painful if you just 'stopped eating so much.' Because American-trained doctors are ignorant asses that don't know a single thing about PCOS or Endometriosis except tell their patients they are fat and need to lose weight.

Does any of that sound like you, ladies?

Yeah, I still have problems too. Even after having two children naturally, my PCOS still rears its ugly head to try and mess with me. Luckily for me, I've had an upbringing that allowed me to have the resources for several natural remedies that can help a woman's body work normally when struggling with imbalances. These are tips to help make your body have a period that sometimes worked for me (Ladies, some months the hormones are stronger than the herbs, so it won't be foolproof, especially if your particular imbalance is intense).

So. Will you follow my advice?

It can't hurt, right? Just don't do any of the following that you may be allergic to... and make sure you aren't baking a bun in your womb oven before forcing a period:

1. Drink an emmenagogue tea, or include it in your diet.

Dandelion. Tumeric. Ginger. Rosehips. Raspberry leaves. Saffron. Fennel. Motherwort and Mugwort. Chasteberry. Lemon balm. Clover. Yarrow root. CHAMOMILE. Cinnamon! I know y'all know what at least some of these are.

While you could buy a supplement of each of these herbs and take them as a vitamin, if you enjoy tea you can make yourself a special blend using every herb I mentioned up top. If you like a simpler solution I highly recommend Mama's Earth Periodic Tea or Earthsong Botanicals Moon Cycle Tea which you can buy from Amazon.com.

Disclaimer: Some of the herbs that help START a period align with EITHER helping you get pregnant or making sure you are NOT Pregnant - whatever herbs you do decide to take, make sure you do the research on which ones align with your current life situation. Make sure you are not pregnant before drinking some of these teas that are meant to help stimulate a menstrual cycle.

2. Drink a double shot of apple cider vinegar.

I know, I know. Gross. But you know what? If you have a hormone imbalance, I bet your doctor has watched you carefully for signs of insulin resistance and diabetes. A lot of us have this issue. Not only does apple cider vinegar help with blood clotting and hormone regulation but it is also compounded with its benefits for lowering sugar levels and weight loss. Dilute it with water or orange juice and honey to make it better.

We take double shots of nasty tequila and disgusting vodka for fun, we can do one apple cider vinegar a day for our health, ladies.

3. Yoga time!

No. Not cardio. And no, not weights. No, you can't just talk a walk (though that is a good one too combined with Yoga). And no do not go to the gym and pound out 2 hours of intense HTTs or whatever they are called.

The secret is a balance of gentle yoga and exercise, but not too much. Too much exercise can prevent bleeding. I bet your doctor didn't tell you that when they were telling you to lose weight, huh? Stretches to your core area can relieve the tension and stress in your uterus, relaxing it enough to let it go. So yoga it is, and put away those running shoes.

4. Have an orgasm (way more fun than drinking vinegar).

Sex isn't the key here. It's the contraction and workout your body has when it ORGASMS. So if your partner doesn't cut it, ladies, feel free to pull out BOB and pleasure yourself vigorously with the intent to get the job done intensely (don't act indignant, we've all been left wanting before).

5. Stress less, gurl.

This, along with the weight-loss remedy, is possibly the most talked about by doctors. I don't particularly enjoy admitting that they are right about this one, because they talk about it and the weight loss like they are the ONLY remedy to stubborn periods. But they are... if you are overstressed your body is also under a massive amount of stress physiologically. Stress is literally a hormone, and irregular hormones are the reason you're struggling, right?

So... as much as I HATE to tell people this... because it's so much easier said than done... try to stress less. Cut out the people in your life that aren't good for you, and any things that are not your problem - immediately disengage from it and maintain your own little 'no fucks' bubble. Stop taking on other people's drama, tell them to suck it up and leave you alone. Life gets better, and much less stressful that way.

6. Don't give up on that weight loss, though it's not as simple as they make it seem.

Your hormones make your body hold on to ALL the fat. I understand that. So that's why this is the last one, and I am not going to sit here and preach at you. I literally had to shock my body with a two-week clear liquid diet beforehand before my hormones said: "OH WAIT WE UNDERSTAND NOW!" By then it was too late, and I was lined up for bariatric surgery. I had to suffer, starve myself, and work myself at the gym for a year before ANY doctor would listen to me about how my body wasn't losing weight even though I was doing...ALL the things.

So I GET it! The weight loss thing... But just don't give up either, okay? Keep eating right, lots of natural FRESH fruits with citric acids, doing your exercises (remember, gentle yoga when your period is supposed to start), and clocking in with your doctor. I believe in you. Because if my chubby-hates-to-be-sweaty butt can do it, so can you!

Read my compilation of every article on PCOS I have ever written here!

Time is precious, thank you so much for taking some to read my article. I hope you enjoyed it and it proved useful in some way!

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