Lasting relationships

Many people in long-term relationships feel frustrated and disappointed by their chosen partner. They have a list of reasons, such as differences in loyalty to family, disagreements on living room layout, dislike for camping, rigid tennis schedule, aversion to Moroccan food, or lack of enthusiasm for 19th-century Russian novels. As the list grows, they sigh.

They still love their partner and want happiness together. The complexity of making the relationship work is frustrating. It's not because they chose a foolish mate. Rather, we have inherited complicated ideas about relationships. We are told that love means merging two lives completely. We expect a couple in love must live together, eat together, sleep together, have exclusive sexual thoughts and experiences, spend a lot of family and friends together, and always agree on every topic.

Having high expectations of our partners can be both beautiful and overwhelming. It can lead us to believe that they need to be perfect in every aspect and have to change for us. However, we can also look at relationships from a different angle. They don't have to be complicated and ambitious to be satisfying. In fact, when we simplify things, there may only be three fundamental things we desire from a partner.

There are a few important aspects to consider when seeking a partner. Firstly, it is valuable to find someone who exhibits kindness and acceptance, allowing us to be ourselves without judgement. Secondly, a partner who is willing to share their vulnerabilities with us, and who encourages us to do the same, creates an atmosphere of trust and honesty. Lastly, understanding and mutual interest in each other's unique perspectives are important for building a strong and fulfilling connection.

Having these three critical ingredients will make us feel loved and satisfied, regardless of other differences. Our partner's friends or routines may not be enjoyable, but we will still be content. On the other hand, even if we agree on everything else but lack these emotional goods, we will still feel lonely. By focusing on what truly matters in a relationship, we can overcome the challenges that many lovers face.

A simple, fulfilling relationship can be minimal. We may not socialize much or meet each other's families. Our finances may only overlap in a few areas. We may live apart and only see each other twice a week. We might not even discuss our sex life. But when we're together, it's deeply satisfying because we're with someone who knows how to be kind, vulnerable, and understanding.

The bond between two people can be deep and important. It's not necessary to play out all practical details of existence in a relationship. Simplifying and clarifying the purpose of a relationship can release us from complicated conflicts. We can focus on our urgent underlying needs for sympathy, acknowledgment, and understanding. Deciding to stay or leave a relationship is a challenging and significant decision. Our stay-or-leave card game can assist in finding an answer to these important aspects of a relationship.

In summary, in enduring relationships, disparities such as family loyalty and living preferences can often cause frustration. However, love has the ability to overcome these challenges. Nonetheless, navigating the complexities of relationship expectations can be quite overwhelming.

The concept of merging lives completely is often seen as creating unrealistic expectations for partners. However, an alternative perspective suggests that three key desires - kindness, shared vulnerability, and understanding - contribute to love and satisfaction, surpassing any other differences.

Understanding and prioritizing basic emotional needs in a relationship is important for overcoming challenges and maintaining a strong connection, even when not constantly together.