Ever since Coronavirus, Covid-19, the Rona, or whatever you want to call it, came into our lives, things have been different – drastically different. Every day has become a collection of disconnected socially awkward moments with once simple tasks becoming a massive ball ache to achieve.
Well, ladies, gentlemen, and children of all ages, I was told to tell a lie. So, I’m here to tell you about my walk for milk. To be honest, it was the most treacherous thing I have ever done. I got up, as I would any day, the time was a quarter till five. I decided to stay up since my alarm goes off at five and right away, I felt off. It is the same feeling you get when you have a test or court date. Despite it all I got up and noticed my floor was far from me. I didn’t know if I was on something, or if it was real. All I knew was I had to do something about it. I crawl to the edge of the bed, which wasn’t easy since I’m huge. Once there I creep down, but I can’t reach the ground. So, I call for lucky to throw me a rope. Lucky is my dog who sleeps in my bed.
I will be the firsts to admit , I love to annoy my husband. On most days I am just bored and need something to give me amusement. Like while your husband is in the shower, getting a whole bunch of flour and throwing it on him while he is still in the shower. And then run away laughing and laughing. And then upon finding his underwear on the floor you take chocolate pudding and smear that into the middle of those underwear. To make sure it looks like he------ his pants. Funny stuff right. I thought so. Well if you are ready I will let you have a list of my favorite things to do that annoy your husband.
Do you guys remember Pokemon Go? When that was like a global unification app, after Twitter.
I have a terrible habit...I used to have a terrible habit of not asking for clarification if I can't understand something. This can get one into a lot of trouble.
Well, it’s happened to me again, and I still don’t understand it. This time, I was in the bakery of my local supermarket, scanning the doughnuts, when suddenly view was cut off by a squat, bald man who had been talking to another woman. I moved aside and continued my sugar selection, when I heard a squat, bald voice say, “Smile. It can’t be all that bad.”
I recently asked a homeless man on the A train if he had a peanut allergy before offering him the rest of an entire container of dark chocolate covered peanuts.
Over the years, I have cultivated six methods for clapping back at slimy DM crawlers. You can do it, too! I'll share the techniques along with some amusing samples below.
So, one night I was staying up late watching the remake of the Nightmare on Elm Street. I’ve never seen the remake, but I love the original movie so much (not the sequels) and decided to give it a chance.