Dating Advice For Women: Perfection Won't Keep You Warm At Night

I ran across Barbara (a 45-year-old single woman) in the corridor one evening after I had finished teaching a session. After a startled greeting, she inquired about my purpose in the area. It's Never Too Late to Meet Mr. Right, I said in response. I had just presented a seminar on that topic. There is no such thing as Mr. Right, Barbara said with a furious roll of her eyes.

I wasn't expecting that response at first because I rarely do. It was, however, a sincere and honest remark. Things started to make sense after a little discussion about what each of us meant. The reason for Barbara's passionate response was that she believed that Mr. Right should be a flawless man.

Mr. Right Isn't Mr. Perfect

I don't want to imply that Mr. Right will be flawless when you find him. Nobody is perfect, not even you or I, is the truth. Finding the ideal man for you, as opposed to a flawless man, is the goal here. Someone who possesses a healthy balance of your desirable traits and respects you as the unique individual you are, in order to forge the mystical connection that is love.

I can only image the level of frustration you must be experiencing if, like Barbara, you are looking for love with the idea of Mr. Perfect in mind. He needs to be attractive, funny, outgoing, successful, sensitive yet strong, emotionally open and stable, intelligent, seductive, sweet, etc. Wow, that's a big task!

Know What You Want in a Partner

In the course of my coaching sessions with both men and women, I advise making a list of the traits you look for in a mate. If you aren't aware of the characteristics you are looking for, it might be challenging to determine if you have found the "one." I also advise reducing the list to the top five necessities, the characteristics you cannot live without. A crucial aspect of courtship is discernment, and this method gives potential suitors a standard to work towards.

However, it's unlikely that you'll come across a man that possesses every single quality. The top five are recommended to help you stay grounded and focused on what matters most about your prospective mate. Even though you might encounter someone who possesses many of your desired traits, seeking perfection is truly a great strategy to be single. You might not be as prepared for a relationship as you think you are if you find that you use your standards as an excuse to turn down every potential partner.

I'm hoping that as you meet individuals, you'll let go of perfectionism and think about new options. It's so simple to spend time comparing each guy to every item on the list, but it's best to pay attention to how he performs against your essentials. For instance, is it possible to simply connect, engage in fruitful dialogue, and enjoy yourself?

Ask yourself:

- Does he make me smile?

- Is he a good person?

- Does he treat me well?

- Does he show me that he's interested?

- Do I have fun when we are together?

Your list should serve as a guide rather than a strict checklist to make sure your basic needs are met and to identify what will make you happy. That is a significant difference. Find the person's strengths. You are more likely to meet good men if you can appreciate the men you meet and focus on their positive qualities. Instead of compromising or lowering your standards, give men a chance by getting to know them better.

Notice What Is Good

At the next singles event, try praising others as you survey the crowd. Most people have an innate ability to recognize what is incorrect. Your heart and mind will be opened to the abundance of good people all around you when you focus on the positive. Give up on perfection to improve your chances of finding a compatible mate who will meet your top five needs, enrich your life, keep you warm at night, and bring you long-term happiness.