Though it might be hard to imagine, sometimes a dick can get a little boring. Especially if it’s little. What is a woman to do when she just isn’t getting what she wants out of her man? Let us take a look around and discover all of the wonderful, unusual, and weird things you can have sex with. There are phallus shaped items everywhere you look; but please don’t try to fuck the top of a skyscraper, that could end really badly. Men, if you see some of these items lying around the house, maybe it’s time to step up your game a bit. But don’t you worry, ain’t nothing like the real thing, baby. She is bound to come back to you soon enough, and when she does, make sure she comes hard. No one wants to be permanently replaced with a popsicle. There is nothing wrong with experimenting from time to time. Changing things up can sometimes be a good thing. And if something goes terribly awry, feel free to seek medical attention to make sure you didn’t cause any permanent damage during the throes of self-induced passion. In the end, however, no matter how fun it is to try these things out, you still need a warm body to spoon when your done…
Join us and answer the immortal question of whether or not these girls have butt plugs or not. A butt plug is a sex toy that is designed to be inserted into the rectum for sexual pleasure. In some ways, they are similar to a dildo, but they tend to be shorter, and have a flanged end to prevent the device from being lost inside the rectum.
I know what you’re thinking. “Why the hell is a woman writing an article about men scoring on the first date?” However, if you really think about it, who better than an experienced, educated, and (once) slightly promiscuous chick to advise you on how and what to do in order to achieve sexual success on the first date? Or as I like to call it, “sexcess.”
For the love of God, why must everything be difficult for a vagina and its owner? Like the big man upstairs couldn’t throw us a bone even when it came to…boning. I know men have their issues too with impotence, tiny weiners, and premature balding but come on, a majority of young lads require nothing more than a gust of air for their dick to be standing at salute. Then they get to stick it in various holes and get off in a minute or less with very little concentration or concern. Unlike women who have to keep tabs on all their body parts at all times in addition to what’s for dinner tomorrow.
According to a portion of our intelligent society, lesbians are really robots who are programmed to think, look, and act the same. These lethal and contagious gay-bots are traveling the world stealing men’s wives, shaving their heads, and turning them… gay! Okay, I might be embellishing their theory a bit, but at the end of the day what’s the difference, ignorance is ignorance. To anyone who believes that gay women are any different than hetero women (aside from who they are attracted to) or that any of the below myths are true, then please contact me. I will immediately start a GoFundMe account to raise money for your stupid ass to get an education. I may even throw in a free flogging while we’re at it.
We all know how much I love to examine the female mind and it’s insanely complicated thought process. From giving head to receiving oral and making love to fucking, women all around the world are professionals at taking perfectly normal sexual acts and tainting them with selfish thoughts and irrelevant commentary. From cowgirl position to doggy style, we are not lost in our thoughts, but simply multi-tasking.
Spice up your sex-life with a wide range of punny protection. Whether you are into making things tastier or more colorful, these clever condoms are sure to bring a smile to you and your partner. Take your "Little Willy" on a wild ride or watch some "Netflix and Chill", whatever floats your boat. But this is no laughing matter. Unprotected sex is not funny. It is dangerous. So lighten your load when you whip one out. Add a little humor to those awkward few moments as you roll one on. Surprisingly, laughter turns her on. Laughter and sex both help relieve stress. A good laugh can calm the mind and body, and set the mood for a better sexual experience. Both laughter and sex increase immune system strength. So be smart, stay protected and don't forget to take a minute to make her laugh before you cum.
If you watch improvisation master T.J. Miller on Silicon Valley, then you have seen his famous trendsetting t-shirts. Geek t-shirts that are both playful and sexual in nature make for a great icebreaker, even if your name isn't Erlich Bachman, these hilarious shirts will work well for you too.