On This Day In 2010

by [email protected] 3 months ago in satire

aka: The Broadway Fivesome

On This Day In 2010
Photo by Denys Nevozhai on Unsplash

I've just discovered this wonderful new feature that Facebook has started called "On this day in 2010..." where it shows you on a side bar your status updates from this same date last year. Not sure yet the rhyme or reason for its appearance because it seems to live in the same place as "People you may know" and "Sponsored Pages" (aka: ads) but this morning I couldn't help but notice a status I had written on this day in 2010 about what I had been doing at Trapeze School and came to realize that today marks the one year anniversary of what I like to call my Broadway five-some.

But Daniel, what's a Broadway five-some? I'm glad you asked! Basically it was myself and 4 guys from four different Broadway shows having... well, a five-some. Now I know you are all just DYING to know who these four individuals are, but believe it or not I do have some respect for other people's privacy and this blog is far too connected to Facebook for me to use their actual names. This forces me into the difficult task of trying to figure out how to differentiate the four in the context of this story. At first I was going to use the name of the show each guy happened to be in at the time, but given the situation you'd figure out who they all are almost immediately. So I've decided to go with a 7 dwarfs/Smurfs style of naming them based on their looks and personalities. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, the time has come for you all to meet the stars of tonight's story... Tall, Black, Bitchy, and Young!

It wasn't long after Broadway Bares that the random audience member picture uploading started happening. Strangers having pictures of me in a thong doesn't bug me in the least, especially if they're donating money to a great cause like BC/EFA. One of these randoms that my friend somehow found on flikr was possibly the best picture of me ever taken. The lighting was perfect, I was super tan and toned, and I had whipped cream running down a six-pack that I don't ever remember seeing in the mirror and despite the random grey hair I was forced to rock in my number, it was by far the fiercest I had ever looked. Needless to say this became my Facebook profile picture almost immediately and the creeper friend requests started pouring in like crazy. One of the non-creeper messages I got happened to be from Tall, and was something to the tune of "That picture... damn." I didn't really know him all that well, only from auditions and mutual friends and don't think I even noticed him at all during Bares let alone spoke to him. I had been pretty infatuated with two of the other boys that were in his number and had made it my summer goal to sleep with both of them (one of those attempts to a success I might add) but he was hot and I'm a flirt so naturally I replied and flirting ensued. The next thing I know we've exchanged numbers and are dirty texting ass pictures on a fairly regular basis... mostly when one of us was horny. Then one night I was having sensible cocktails at Mother Burger in New World Plaza (one of my favorite summer day-drinking destinations) and like normal I get a little tipsy and the dirty texting starts (probably with more than just him, if I know myself... which i do) and he mentions something about "my boy." Until this point I was unaware that he was seeing someone and over the next couple of drinks my bestie William and I went to Facebook stalking (like we do) and I had pretty much written off any chance of sleeping with this guy mostly because after finding out that my ex Fatrick had been cheating on me the entire time we were together I had made the conscious decision that "mistress" isn't a cute color on me.

It must have been a few days later, possibly longer when I get home from what was probably a day of hell working at Trapeze School NY where I was hanging upside-down holding onto people twice my size and swinging them back and forth 25 feet in the air for 6 hours (you know, just an average day), checked my Facebook and found a message from Tall's boyfriend. I was ready for the "stay the fuck away from my man, bitch!!!" message but instead found the almost exact opposite. It was their one year anniversary coming up and as an extra special present he wanted to give Tall a surprise group sex party. I mean, what says "I love you" more than four guys sucking your boyfriend's dick, right? So being the deviant that I am, I wholeheartedly agreed and put a special notification reminder on my phone calendar just in case I were to accidentally schedule different sex party for the same night.

The day of was pretty jam-packed for me (pun intended). I was having one of those "I'm gonna get shit accomplished!" days, so I had my usual breakfast of sugar-free redbull and a Muscle Milk and went to town. I taught 2 trapeze classes in the morning, went to the gym for an hour or two, took a two hour dance class, and then went back to Trapeze School for staff training where I wore myself out flying over and over again trying to get myself out of having to use safety lines (which I did). Needless to say that by the time I got to this group whatever I was almost dead to the world but nothing was gonna stop me from getting laid so I washed the gymnastics chalk off my arms, put on my brightest colored jock-strap and grabbed a cab heading uptown. We started out with some pretty awkward small talk. I didn't know (or recognize) the other two guys but they were cute so I wasn't mad at it. Young had made some sort of cocktail that we were drinking that basically just tasted like TripleSec to this raging alcoholic, but booze wasn't exactly what was on my mind at the time. Once things got started I finally realized just how tired I was and took what was to become my permanent spot on the couch laying on my back (you're all shocked, I can tell) and only kept an erection for about a fourth of the time not because I wasn't turned on (I was, trust) but because I was lucky to be moving any of my muscles on my own at that point. The rest of it is pretty self-explanatory for anyone who has spent more than 10 minutes in a Hell's Kitchen gay bar. Tall was pretty much what I expected... Great body, nice dick, kinda into himself but that's usually the type of guy I'm attracted to anyway. Black had a great body and a huge dick so even though I'm usually more attracted to the Latin side of ethnic I wasn't mad at it in the least. Bitchy didn't have the greatest body (but at that time neither did I. Contrary to that whipped cream picture and the amount of exercise I was doing I still had a thing for Taco Bell and beer that was keeping those high-ya! muscles at bay) but he had a great dick and sho'nuff (that's right, I just got ghetto) did fuck me harder than all three of the other guys combined. Young had an amazing body but seemed to buckle under the pressure of being the "lucky pierre" (if you don't know what that is, you're gonna wanna look it up) and I realized after it was all said and done and I started texting William the juicy details that Young was a guy I saw in a show and had a crush on two years before and I didn't even recognize him. I'm officially ridiculous.

So it's a year later and I still occasionally see the guys. Not that I'm close friends with any of them but I'm always friendly to people I had good sex with when I see them in public (bad sex is another story). There apparently was another "group outing" if you will for Young's birthday but I couldn't get out of work that night (believe me, I tried) and so I guess I lost my spot in the circle because I never got invited back. Hey, I just realized that today must be their two year anniversary! I guess if I can't give them my ass again, putting this story on the internet is the next best thing to a present! ;)

satire
Daniellynnevans@gmail.com
[email protected]
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