satire
Humor and satire to make you laugh. Everyone loves a good innuendo.
Local Man Realizes All of the Important Decisions in His Life Made While Sitting On Toilet
While sitting on the toilet this morning delivering a rather large Macaroni Grill inspired number 2 local man Ted Stephens realized all of the important decisions of his life had been made from this exact same position. The visibly straining Mr. Stephens said of this striking realization "I've always been very regular when it comes to toilet matters. For almost ten years now, every Sunday morning before church at Saint Michael's I have dropped the kids off at the pool, if you know what I mean. Usually, the time passes by uneventfully with me reading the Sunday Times or doing a crossword puzzle. However, this Sunday as I sat grunting and waiting impatiently for the movement of my bowels which would signal the final release of the massive chunk of fecal matter from my formerly clogged colon, I realized something. All of the most important decisions in my life to this point had been made from this exact same position. This includes my decision on where to attend college, what to major in, and what job to take when I graduated. Also, the last three cars I have bought, the decision to purchase the house me and Jane (current wife Jane Stephens) still live in ten years later, and the decision to try and have children. Of course, not all the decisions were right, or very good really. For example, I also had the bright idea to propose to my former wife Lan-lan (Laura) while sweating profusely and groaning loudly attempting to clear a rather large build up of brown mashed potatoes from dinner at Chili's the night before. She later left me for that snake in the grass and former best friend Jimmi (Jim Currant). I definitely took a hell of a dump that day." said Mr. Stephens as a look of sadness and regret crossed his face. With that Mr. Stephens stood, wiped his ass three times, flushed the toilet, closed the lid, turned and walked away.
Everyday JunglistPublished 20 days ago in Filthy
The Lunacy of a Mexican Man in Arizona
I am currently washing my clothing because I am a successful male. I have an apartment where I pay $1,600 in rent. I have internet acesss, a Netflix subscription, and a magnificent bed where I rest my head. On the bed, there is a woman with large breasts and a posterior crafted by the pervert known as God. The woman’s name is Tabitha and I make love to her every night. She snores and falls into a deep slumber as the Erotes whisper beautiful things into her ears. I stand at my balcony naked and drink black coffee. My penis is erect; I am a successful male.
The Untitled ManPublished 4 months ago in Filthy
Why Bulging Manhood In Underwear is So Damn Sexy
Bulging manhood in underwear is so damn sexy, but why is this? Why does the idea of a set of manly jewels bouncing around in tight underpants make us feel warm inside?
Sex and Death at a Highrise
One day Saint Peter is sitting just outside the Pearly Gates Welcome Center, enjoying a moment of peace and solitude. On the other side of the wall, CHAOS and PANDEMONIUM reigned. A common misconception is that life inside Heaven is ALL peace and tranquility. In normal times you’d be correct, but these days Heaven is nearing capacity.
Jack NanuqPublished 7 months ago in Filthy
Who's that Girl?
If you surf the internet long enough, then chances are you'll come across a meme. According to Google the definition of a meme is an image, video, piece of text which is typically humorous in nature. It is often copied and spread rapidly by internet users, often with slight variations.
A Bad Writer's Limbo
I'm sitting in my apartment downtown that I can't afford staring at the wall while Speaking In Tongues plays loudly off the surround sound speakers that I didn't buy. Just staring at the wall listening, it's Sunday and I'm not doing anything, I have only $30 in my bank account. Buy food? I haven't eaten in two days. Buy cigarettes? My hands are shaking without having one. I go stand by my balcony door and move the curtain looking down on the street. It's just becoming spring, it's nice to see the sun heating away the last remaining piles of snow. I feel like those piles as they melt away into nothing... it's time for me to disappear.
Jackson PiccoPublished 8 months ago in FilthyCan You Resist?
Mmm, if I’m being completely honest I love to fuck. I don’t care about that making love crap, I like to fuck. Not so pretty but I don’t care for all the extra stuff I like to get what I came for and I’m out the door, kind of like a man would. It’s surprising how many men are not used to being used and thrown out the next day but I have to get mine just like you have to get yours. I’ve always had a high sex drive and when I was in high school I used to masturbate like there was no tomorrow, no literally. Like it was bad at one point I thought of talking to someone or pin pointing the reason for my obsession, but the pin point was it just felt so fucking good. The feeling you get when your about to explode but you hold off and tease yourself a bit and finally reach that point where you just can’t hold it in anymore and you explode and squirt like it’s the best orgasm you’ve ever had. That’s the feeling I’m talking about, that’s the feeling I fien for. I wanted to be a porn star so bad but I got into a relationship and that sort of went out the window then when I thought about it again I was insecure with my body, still am. Men say they are attracted to the curves and extra meat us bigger woman have going on but truth and reality I think it’s a lie. I want someone who’s gonna touch and caress every inch of my body, run his hand through my hair, choke me, slap me, fuck me like a wild fucking animal. I can’t just find a one night stand anymore things are different now I don’t even know how to flirt anymore, but thank god for tinder right? The ultimate hook up/ one night stand social media app. It’s 10 am I have to get out of bed and stop making pornos of myself in my head, I swear sex is all I think about sometimes. I wish there was a man who was on my level, someone who wants and needs it as bad as I do.
I Get Racist African Penis Enlargement Spam
Edited in April 2022 to clarify the study referenced as to why some African women cheat on their husbands. Penis enlargement spam is back! Thicker, harder, larger than life, and now, racist as f — um, hell!
Nicole ChardenetPublished 9 months ago in FilthyHow I Became a Bestselling Science Fiction Romance Author
I had this secret fantasy about my wife being abducted by a hot alien. I wanted to write a science fiction romance novel in which my wife would be the protagonist. That would feel like my fantasy became alive!
Kirsty KendallPublished 9 months ago in Filthy
All men beware!!! 8 items you should never masturbate with.
A steaming apple pie definitely belongs to the soft category of misappropriated things that can be used for masturbation. It is said that guys who like to experiment try vibrating console controllers, kitchen utensils and garden tools. I’ve tracked down the worst penis traps for you and tracked down men who have made painful acquaintances with them. Not suitable for imitation!
“La Chatte à moitié moite”
The story of the half-wet pussy transpired on a cruise ship sailing around Tahiti and the Marquesas Islands before the pandemic. It was a good time, indeed, notwithstanding the pussy already a marvel by itself and wet, albeit only half all around the circumference and, of course, inside where it is always warm and nice. Very nice, methinks, now that I visualize the scene. I will never forget it, and soon, you will not either when you read all about it in the upcoming paragraphs full of the right words. No! The true words of the half-wet pussy. It all occurred in French. It is true that it sounded better in some parts. But when I sensed that English was going down, I recited some shameless Shakespeare, and Molière was put to bed, both literally and figuratively, which seemed to be the same, at least at the time.
Patrick M. OhanaPublished about a year ago in Filthy
They All Laughed
Some legend has it that one day — it was actually the middle of the night — most body organs were having a discussion as to which one of them was the most important part. Important how, some of us could ask? To life! But they are all important that way. Very true! But could any one organ, one singular part, or a part of a part, be crowned the king, or queen, of all parts? The optimum organ! The Don of organs!
Patrick M. OhanaPublished about a year ago in Filthy
