satire
Humor and satire to make you laugh. Everyone loves a good innuendo.
Twenty Shades of Puce
Trigger Trigger Warning In the true tradition of Wokery, this trigger warning serves as itself a trigger warning to the trigger warning that follows.
Malcolm TwiggPublished 2 years ago in FilthySting in The Tail
There are environmental activists, and there are environmental activists. And then there was Sid Smith. Sid was more of your actual tree hugger. In fact there was one tree deep in the forest that used to be Sid's favourite. That it had a conveniently placed knot hole was quite by the by and no-one's business but Sid's until a nest of wasps took up residence, unbeknown to him. Naturally, they took great exception at this brazen intrusion on their chaste privacy. When, after a few days, the swelling (and the barely controlled hilarity of the A & E Team) had subsided, Sid was a changed man in more ways than one. For instance, the mere sound of buzzing was liable to bring on an incipient attack of the hives and an instinctive shrinkage of the extremities in the nether regions that temporarily lent him the physical attributes of true gender fluidity. Which, for Sid, was an interesting condition given his predilection for the more extreme forms of sexual gratification. Not only that, the whole experience set him on the path to improve the lot of fellow introverted experimenters like himself.
Malcolm TwiggPublished 2 years ago in FilthyFacebook Groups I Have Known and Loved
If you can slap a label on something, Facebook likely has at least fifteen groups dedicated to some aspect of it. All have their peccadillos, and generally a somewhat creepy obsession with rules and order. The number one rule of most Facebook groups seems to be "no self promotion" followed closely by "no pornography." Below I visit some of the lesser known Facebook groups I have encountered in my travels through the Facebook-grouposphere which I visit often searching desperately for friendship, love, and/or kindred spirits who share my deep love of post apocalyptic moulds. To date, I am zero for three but I will never give up hope.
Everyday JunglistPublished 2 years ago in FilthyWhy The Queen’s Death Is Being Celebrated In Certain Parts Of The World
The world was startled by the death of Her Highness Queen Elizabeth II on September 8, however, the demise of the monarch called for celebration in some parts of the world!
Shalin ThomasPublished 2 years ago in FilthyAll* Of Your Machine Learning Questions Answered
Author's preface: When perusing the archives I came upon this classic from 2017 that I now realize I never published on Vocal. Sadly, just as true today as it was then. Note that some of the language and imagery is not for the faint of heart. Enjoy!
Everyday JunglistPublished 2 years ago in FilthyLocal Man Realizes All of the Important Decisions in His Life Made While Sitting On Toilet
While sitting on the toilet this morning delivering a rather large Macaroni Grill inspired number 2 local man Ted Stephens realized all of the important decisions of his life had been made from this exact same position. The visibly straining Mr. Stephens said of this striking realization "I've always been very regular when it comes to toilet matters. For almost ten years now, every Sunday morning before church at Saint Michael's I have dropped the kids off at the pool, if you know what I mean. Usually, the time passes by uneventfully with me reading the Sunday Times or doing a crossword puzzle. However, this Sunday as I sat grunting and waiting impatiently for the movement of my bowels which would signal the final release of the massive chunk of fecal matter from my formerly clogged colon, I realized something. All of the most important decisions in my life to this point had been made from this exact same position. This includes my decision on where to attend college, what to major in, and what job to take when I graduated. Also, the last three cars I have bought, the decision to purchase the house me and Jane (current wife Jane Stephens) still live in ten years later, and the decision to try and have children. Of course, not all the decisions were right, or very good really. For example, I also had the bright idea to propose to my former wife Lan-lan (Laura) while sweating profusely and groaning loudly attempting to clear a rather large build up of brown mashed potatoes from dinner at Chili's the night before. She later left me for that snake in the grass and former best friend Jimmi (Jim Currant). I definitely took a hell of a dump that day." said Mr. Stephens as a look of sadness and regret crossed his face. With that Mr. Stephens stood, wiped his ass three times, flushed the toilet, closed the lid, turned and walked away.
Everyday JunglistPublished 2 years ago in FilthyWhy Bulging Manhood In Underwear is So Damn Sexy
Bulging manhood in underwear is so damn sexy, but why is this? Why does the idea of a set of manly jewels bouncing around in tight underpants make us feel warm inside?
Sex and Death at a Highrise
One day Saint Peter is sitting just outside the Pearly Gates Welcome Center, enjoying a moment of peace and solitude. On the other side of the wall, CHAOS and PANDEMONIUM reigned. A common misconception is that life inside Heaven is ALL peace and tranquility. In normal times you’d be correct, but these days Heaven is nearing capacity.
Jack NanuqPublished 2 years ago in FilthyWho's that Girl?
If you surf the internet long enough, then chances are you'll come across a meme. According to Google the definition of a meme is an image, video, piece of text which is typically humorous in nature. It is often copied and spread rapidly by internet users, often with slight variations.
A Bad Writer's Limbo
I'm sitting in my apartment downtown that I can't afford staring at the wall while Speaking In Tongues plays loudly off the surround sound speakers that I didn't buy. Just staring at the wall listening, it's Sunday and I'm not doing anything, I have only $30 in my bank account. Buy food? I haven't eaten in two days. Buy cigarettes? My hands are shaking without having one. I go stand by my balcony door and move the curtain looking down on the street. It's just becoming spring, it's nice to see the sun heating away the last remaining piles of snow. I feel like those piles as they melt away into nothing... it's time for me to disappear.
Jackson PiccoPublished 2 years ago in FilthyCan You Resist?
Mmm, if I’m being completely honest I love to fuck. I don’t care about that making love crap, I like to fuck. Not so pretty but I don’t care for all the extra stuff I like to get what I came for and I’m out the door, kind of like a man would. It’s surprising how many men are not used to being used and thrown out the next day but I have to get mine just like you have to get yours. I’ve always had a high sex drive and when I was in high school I used to masturbate like there was no tomorrow, no literally. Like it was bad at one point I thought of talking to someone or pin pointing the reason for my obsession, but the pin point was it just felt so fucking good. The feeling you get when your about to explode but you hold off and tease yourself a bit and finally reach that point where you just can’t hold it in anymore and you explode and squirt like it’s the best orgasm you’ve ever had. That’s the feeling I’m talking about, that’s the feeling I fien for. I wanted to be a porn star so bad but I got into a relationship and that sort of went out the window then when I thought about it again I was insecure with my body, still am. Men say they are attracted to the curves and extra meat us bigger woman have going on but truth and reality I think it’s a lie. I want someone who’s gonna touch and caress every inch of my body, run his hand through my hair, choke me, slap me, fuck me like a wild fucking animal. I can’t just find a one night stand anymore things are different now I don’t even know how to flirt anymore, but thank god for tinder right? The ultimate hook up/ one night stand social media app. It’s 10 am I have to get out of bed and stop making pornos of myself in my head, I swear sex is all I think about sometimes. I wish there was a man who was on my level, someone who wants and needs it as bad as I do.
How I Became a Bestselling Science Fiction Romance Author
I had this secret fantasy about my wife being abducted by a hot alien. I wanted to write a science fiction romance novel in which my wife would be the protagonist. That would feel like my fantasy became alive!
Kirsty KendallPublished 2 years ago in Filthy