Human Females from Behind

An extraterrestrial's perspective.

Human Females from Behind
Gina's Fanny. Original painting by Roscoe Forthright.

1.

There are various ways to enter a human female.

Often, her mind is the best place to start.

Say something clever, make her laugh.

Or just be a decent person long enough for her to notice.

I cannot guarantee this will get you a blow-job, or any other form

of sexual pleasure, but it's always a good idea to be a decent fellow.

In the end, after hype, glamor or personal charm wear thin,

an asshole remains an asshole, and people get bored with assholes.

2.

If you have musical talent, buy an oud and learn to play it.

Tan skin, a short beard and an oud will certainly interest

one or two attractive girls, and even if it gets you no girls,

you will know how to play Arabian music, and can find work

in belly-dance studios, or Turkish restaurants.

If you are more interested in polkas, buy an accordion.

Hot, sultry Russian and Czech females like accordions!

[listen below]

Play accordion like a Russian!

Play accordion with guitar!

3.

After observing hundreds of humans, over 160 years,

dispassionately, as an impartial scientific extraterrestrial,

I offer relationship advice, unlike anything you will get

from your local therapist or bartender.

I have an intergalactic view of inter-personal,

and inter-species romantic liaisons. In short,

fucking is universal and should always be encouraged.

I am very suspicious of any civilization, religion,

society or political system which regulates fucking.

4.

I am aware of UFO experts, who claim extraterrestrials

use anal probes and other intrusive devices on human females.

I can say from personal experience, having met most

the non-Earth sentient beings who visit Planet Earth,

only the most vile reptilian, escaped convicts do such things.

If I want to examine any woman's ass, I simply ask politely,

and only proceed if she likes the idea.

Many Earth-Girls do like the idea.

5.

For an number of years, I led a cult of Reformed Catholic Witches

in the woods of the Pacific Northwest. I became their Supreme and

Glorious Cult Leader only because I made them laugh, and they

enjoyed having sex with an older gentleman from Planet Zikorax.

This is long before I met Roscoe Forthright and began making porn

films. My very best film still makes people laugh.

Google search: Submit to Dr. Moze.

6.

I make no grand claims to wide knowledge of the Universe.

The cosmos is big place. Even the most advanced civilizations

have explored less than .0001 % of available stars. Earth-people

need feel no rush to leave their planet. Generally speaking,

it is better to solve problems at home, before going off-world.

Why drag your bad habits to new worlds. You will be just as

unhappy on a new planet as you are on this one, if you cannot

solve basic social and political problems.

Generally speaking, humans are far too eager to enslave each other

by force or by economic, and even have a taste for mass slaughter.

7.

Powerful people still want to dominate their fellow citizens

in tens of thousands of ways, to control mass behavior, to make

billions of dollars from millions of people-- as if making huge

piles of money was a worthy goal for any short life-span.

Yes. Humans have miserably short life-spans, and many

people waste most of that short time on foolish goals.

Goals which add little or nothing to the forward progress

of humanity, or even supply sustainable joy to their own lives.

8.

Ask yourself why China is so hell-bent on squashing Hong Kong.

The powerful leaders of the Chinese Communist Party, are scared

little brats. They want their way. They stamp their little feet.

Unfortunately, they also kill people who get in the way.

Our own most powerful men and women are no better.

I look at all this incredulous. Your species has so many

brilliant, creative and forward thinking people,

but few of them end up in positions of political power.

9.

What can an average human do under such conditions?

The first thing to do is not be an economic slave. Find ways to make money

which do not control your time, and govern your life.

That sort of economics will always fail. It has failed

horribly in the United States. After WWII, the U.S.

was full of promise, millions of good jobs for most

everyone. The government even paid for the education

of most everyone. All that cash ended up in the hands

of a small percentage of citizens, and banks continue

to raid the wealth of the WWII generation, even though

that wealth has been diminished by two or three generations.

There is no economic future for millions of people, except

further, and harsher economic slavery.

Is that really the civilization humanity wishes to drag

out into the cosmos, to create other civilizations

just as dysfunctional as the one you have here?

satire
Roscoe Forthright
Roscoe Forthright
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