Critiques That Didn't Squeak

Thank you

To Vocal for this challenge. I don't expect to place, but it was a lot of fun. It got me writing again after long creaky weeks of frustration and a dearth of creativity.

Also to the many writers who made participating in this one so enjoyable.

My thoughts

It was an exercise in brevity, and I know better than anyone I can be too wordy at times. Re-reading my old pieces makes me shudder. I'm tempted to dive back in to some of them and cut swathes of cringe-worthy extraneous crap. The opportunity to practise being concise from the get-go was a welcome one. Hold the nib to my throat and make me slash another word, it does me good.

More than that, this was just fun. By peeking at your bookshelf, your movie collection... I feel like I've got to know you a little better.

On hitting the brief

I think a lot of us failed here. We jumped in with both feet and splashed about gleefully - it was great fun but were we actually doing what the challenge required of us?

I read a lot of entries that were blurbs. They summarised the plot - sometimes in a very compelling way that made me want to watch or read the thing you were talking about. But having read your 50 words, I come away not knowing what you liked about it, and what you didn't like. How did it affect you? How did it make you feel? Where did it especially shine, what were its flaws?

As always, I hope those who place do hit the brief first and foremost.

The critiques that didn't squeak

Here they are - my drafts that, for whatever reason, I didn't finish in time to get them submitted. They don't generally hit the word count. In some cases, this was the reason they weren't submitted.

Hot Fuzz - movie by Edgar Wright, starring Simon Pegg & Nick Frost.

I adore this film almost as much as Shaun of the Dead. I watch it in sickness and in health - could probably recite the script off by heart at this point. City-hardened pro teamed up with a lovable bumpkin in a sleepy town in Gloucestershire - and it's so much funnier than it sounds. No romance - just a heartwarming buddy-cop-movie meets hilarious whodunnit, with a star-studded cast. Bonus points if you can spot Peter Jackson and Cate Blanchett.

Eminently quotable.

It's just the one swan actually...

Twilight - book by Stephanie Meyers

Fucking AWFUL. Well is it named, "Twishite". Our protagonist is a bland nothing-character. Creepy stalker behaviour and an alarming age difference are both played off as "romance". It spawned FOUR terrible movies with the worst acting I've seen in a long while, plus the worst and most damaging fanfic I've ever seen (50 Shades).

Would that Meyers had lopped off her hands before she ever set pen to paper.

Duncton Wood - book by William Horwood

I read this book (in fact the whole series) before I left primary school, so that colours my opinion of it. As a child I was completely awestruck and captivated by these books. The mystery of ancient tunnels underground, an entire society of animals (moles), epic journeys, good triumphing over evil. Horwood captured me where Tolkien lost me. I found Bracken's character arc inspiring. I loved that here, at last, was something I could really get my teeth into. Today, the religious overtones spoil it a bit.

Turner & Hooch - movie starring Tom Hanks. Spoiler within.

One of Hanks' best roles in my opinion. A dog-ignorant cop partnering with an hilariously disgusting, beer-swilling, car-munching, naughty canine character (and he really is a character) to solve a crime - it should be a saccharine mess of a movie, but somehow it works. Hooch (a Dogue de Bordeux named Beasley) with his iconic flapping face is adorable.

Some people found a little piece of their childhood died with Artax in the swamp, but I didn't see Neverending Story until I was an adult. For me, it was Hooch's heroic ending. George Martin, you got nothing on this.

"This is not your room."

The Works of Roald Dahl - children's books

I could relate well to Matilda - the kid who could read early and who loved books. The BFG was marvellous - the titular character adorable and charming despite his size, and the many silly made-up words brought me a lot of joy. Boy and Going Solo horrified me and entertained me by turns. Possibly my favourite, and my inspiration for one of my Tales Retold entries - Revolting Rhymes.

Guardians of the Galaxy

The film that made me fall back in love with Marvel, centred around a soundtrack of stand-out 70's songs. Space adventures, a stellar bunch of characters (did you see what I did there) and plenty of humour. Watch it if you love Marvel, and even if you don't.

Toy Story

Hanks' best role, hands down! Animation that was streets ahead at the time it was released and still holds up well today. Not just for kids. Friendship, adventure, an asnwer to the question "what do your toys do when you're not around?" There is nothing to not-love about this movie.

Infinity War: Endgame

Not as good as Infinity War, but an worthy conclusion to an epic saga. I may never watch it again. I can never again watch it for the first time, but then again I'm not sure I'd want to. The first time left me empty and reeling.

My pieces, the pieces of me

Newest to oldest - here we go!

Shaun of the Dead

Harry Potter

Terminator 2

A Christmas Carol

Lord of the Rings

Breaking Bad

Kill Bill Vol 1

Paul

Snow White (Disney, 1937)

Good Omens 2

Barbie

Oppenheimer

+++++++

Thank you for reading! As always - please leave me a comment with your thoughts and let me know how you came across this piece. I do my best to reciprocate every read.

If you are subscribed to me - golly gosh and THANK YOU! If you're here for the fiction, this is my most recent piece:

That one was a squeaker - I submitted it barely an hour before the deadline. It is a bit weird, I'll grant you - so if you find it hard going (I don't blame you) here is an alternative. I never felt it got the eyes it deserved, and I loved this old woman. She was very real in my mind as I wrote it.