Do Depressed People Want Actual Help or Just Sympathy?

One thing I’ve seen constantly over 16 years of using social media is the number of people talking about depression. Specifically, how depressed THEY are. I can often detect a pattern of these kinds of posts from a handful of the same people.

I understand that depression can be a motherfucker. Being married to a therapist and knowing the types of things she hears about constantly, I get it. I get a little sad too, once in a while. I stop short of calling it depression because it’s generally pretty mild and infrequent. I know others have it far worse than I do.

Some people who suffer from depression talk to a therapist regularly. Some take medication to ease the symptoms of depression. They’re attempting to take control of a very serious mental health issue and I commend them for doing their best with the hand they’re dealt with. I admire your bravery.

It seems like as the years continue to pass, I hear more and more about depression. When social media was in its infant stages, it was somewhat rare to see someone post about being depressed. Not that I never saw those types of posts, but when I did, it was rare and something that I took notice of right away.

Over the past five to seven years or so, it seems like I see those kinds of posts frequently. And I truly do understand. Life in the United States has taken quite a downward turn during those years. I feel a lot of people are saddened by the state of the world and our country.

Donald Trump has had a lot to do with people being so ugly toward each other. He’s done more to divide our country than any other politician or citizen I can think of. There’s nobody else who even comes close to his destructive, shitty demeanor and divisiveness.

Still, I see a lot of people posting about being sad constantly or depressed. With the level of addictiveness social media seems to have on our society, I wonder how many people suffering from depression actually want real help. Or do they just want everyone on their friends list to tell them it’s going to be ok?

It’s not going to be ok. If you ignore depression, whether it’s mild, moderate, or severe, it’s going to get worse. Constantly posting to anyone who will listen about how depressed you are doesn’t fix anything. Having them try to reassure you that it will all be just fine doesn’t do much to solve the root cause of your depression.

I have two family members that actively post about being depressed. I’ve talked with them privately at length about these feelings. And no matter how logical, empathetic, or caring I try to be with them, I can’t seem to get them to commit to going to therapy. That’s super-frustrating.

I feel that a large part of it is due to the stigma that still surrounds men about actually seeing a therapist. It seems society has become more understanding and supportive of men working on themselves in therapy. But the majority of men still haven’t received the memo about this.

I see these two relatives of mine suffering and it hurt me to see it. Their posts about being more depressed than they’ve ever been make me sad for them and worried about their futures. Yet they won’t accept the help that is offered to them.

Both have been offered help to find a reputable therapist. Both have had the offer of having these sessions paid for them. Both have been complaining to their social media friends about their depression for years, and both still have never chosen to go see a therapist. This saddens me.

It’s equally frustrating to read their social media posts about being depressed and seeing their cyber-friends telling them that it’s all going to be fine. That they’re better off than most people are. That their depression isn’t nearly as bad as others is. None of this is very helpful, at least long-term.

Perhaps they both feel that social media support is helpful for their depression. Maybe the fact that so many others relate to feeling depressed is reassuring to them. I really can’t say for sure, as I am not them and haven’t suffered through the level of depression that they both seem to suffer through constantly.

I can only imagine what I’d do if I was going through the level of depression that they seemed to be enduring on a daily basis. I’d get help. I’d take someone’s offer of trying to help me find a solid counselor. If I couldn’t afford therapy but knew that I needed it badly, I’d reluctantly agree to let them pay for it.

My gut feeling is that they’re afraid of therapy. I bet they worry about talking about their feelings with a stranger. They might be scared to confirm some things they already realize about their past and their upbringing.

Reliving PTSD and trauma can be scary as hell. There’s a reason they are posting so often about feeling so depressed. I’m sure it’s difficult to silence their thoughts and push back those horrible memories from the past. It has to be exhausting.

I hope that they will come to a realization soon that they can’t just do all of this on their own. Bad and yet worse things will likely continue to happen to them if all they do to deal with this depression is to post about it to their online buddies. That’s not a long-term fix.

Your online social media friends aren’t the ones who have to deal with your depression when it’s in a bad state. They aren’t your spouses, significant others, children, roommates, employers/employees, or extended family who may have to deal with you when things are going badly. They don’t have much skin in the game if any.

More than anything though, you owe it to yourself to make your life better and more easily livable on a day-to-day basis. You shouldn’t have to suffer through depression for years and years before getting actual help. Seeing a therapist and even getting on medication could really change your life for the better.

But you have to want to be better, and not just reassured. If you truly don’t want to live with depression, talk to a professional. Don’t give up if you have one negative experience with one. My therapist Bride says that counselors are like shoes. You have to try a few on sometimes to find the best fit.

Medication for depression also gets a bad rap. Many people don’t fully understand the ins and outs of depression medication. They think there is a stigma about being on anti-depressants.

They need to realize that there is a reason these medications exist. It’s because they WORK. Not 100% of the time, but a high enough percentage of the time to make the prescribing of them worthwhile. You don’t have to suffer if you have a need for medication and counseling.

My hope for everyone who reads this or knows someone who is struggling with depression is that the message of needing professional help gets through. I cannot stress enough how important counseling is. And possibly medication, if there is a real need for it.

Don’t look to social media followers to try to help you with a breakthrough in your depression. Don’t fear talking to a professional and working through some of your old, difficult memories and experiences. If you want to feel better and grow from your past, be present in the now. It’s worth doing the work for a better future. &:^)