how to write when you don’t even want to write

Fill with self doubt and anxiety

Like pouring steaming hot tea from kettle

I am chipped cup

Barely containing expectation and desire

•

Blow steam away to make clarity

Understand that- you don’t even like tea

Spill anxiety down sink and get juice

•

Sugar your doubts with false hope

“It’ll be great, everyone loves your work”

Bake your thoughts till overly crisp

•

Sit in a weird position and commit yourself to the task

Scold self for committing to a task you don’t really want to do

Accept that somewhere deep inside you know it’s good for you

•

Pick up the pen

Open ‘Notes’

Use ketchup as mock blood

•

Grace the page with invisible ink

Spilling words not yet properly conceived

Bask at the emptiness with pride

•

You managed to start

Like the seed that has just been planted

You have a lot of dirt to dig through

•

Cry.

Let your rain water your ideas with trauma that’s much too ready to spill out

Remind self that you are a chipped cup

•

Drink the rainwater as hydration is key

Especially when you’ve fought for self care

When you don’t even like self care

•

Get juice

Crave the sugar spike of serotonin to boost your hopes

Pick up a pen, try again