Gloria's Secret Guest / Gloria's Return

Gloria’s Return / The Board Meeting

“Gloria, it’s a pleasure to have you back after a six-week leave of absence,” Oliver Olivier said.

The others in the room nodded their heads in agreement as Gloria smiled and waved her hand.

“As a token of our affection, this coming Saturday night the gang and I will be taking you out to The Penthouse at Mastro’s for your favorite Chilean sea bass.”

“Oh, that is so nice of you, Oliver. But I believe, at this point in time, I would most likely blow chunks and puke something rude all over everybody’s face.”

“Oh, well, Gloria, we wouldn’t want that to happen,” Oliver’s eyebrows rose, “Maybe we can take you to the Denny’s around the corner for some toast and bananas.”

“In that case, Oliver, it might just be easier to stop off at the Albertsons around the corner and grab a loaf of bread and a bunch of bananas, and we can eat them in one of the limousines,” Gloria chuckled.

“That’s a plan, Gloria. Let’s move on to business. Everybody knows by now Jason Pooper was fired last month due to his colossal mishandling of the Taylor Swift episode. We lost an estimated $3 million in recurring revenue.”

“That Pooper is a slow-witted dingus,” Gloria interjected.

“Yes, well,” Oliver continued, “it’s common knowledge that Trixie has been promoted to Executive Director of The Miss Gloria Hour.”

The others in the room applaud Trixie as she nods in acceptance.

“At that, I turn the conversation over to Trixie.”

“Greetings, everyone. I am truly excited to step into the Executive Director position. My goal is to create an open-door policy that encourages communication and creativity. I will listen to everybody’s ideas. That being said, Gloria and I discussed this week’s episode. She told me she had a big surprise. But in order for this to be effective, her special guest must remain a secret until they make it onto the stage.”

“Yes, I’m planning something huge,” Gloria commented.

“I’m sure it will go well as long as your secret guest isn’t nude or vulgar.”

“Nude, my guest will be in uniform. And vulgarity, that’s my role, so we don’t have to worry about that.”

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The Show

“Welcome back, beautiful people! It’s been a long, dreadful six weeks since my last show. As you all know, I was hit with a bout of diverticulitis. This was the most pain I have ever felt. It was like razor blades ripping apart my insides and I was passing lethal A-bombs worse than an overflowing outhouse.”

The audience bursts into uncontrollable laughter.

“So, I have a special secret guest today. This guest has been transported here in a human-sized box in order to keep their identity unknown.” Gloria motions toward backstage. “Rafael, can you have the guys bring my guest out?”

A tough, stocky guy dressed in blue jeans and a Pendleton shirt rolled the large box onto the stage on a cart. When it reaches center stage, the panels of the box fall apart.

The audience rises to its feet and erupts, “Rocco! Rocco! Rocco!”

“May I introduce my special guest, Rocco the Clown.”

Rocco steps out of the box and walks toward Gloria. “Thank you, Gloria. It’s an honor and a pleasure to be here today.”

“Rocco, tell me, how long have you been clowning around?”

“I was born this way, Gloria. When I was born, instead of spanking me, the doctor squeezed my nose and it honked.”

“Slap! Slap!” Gloria laughed. “What a loser of a joke.”

“Seriously now, folks, from a very young age I was always the clown in the room, whether at school, home, church, or the grocery store. I just naturally made people laugh.”

“Aha, you were the class clown.”

“Yes, you could say that. In 1998, I was 18. I started doing stand-up, and I was okay with that. But there was something missing. It was the children. It brought me joy to see the little ones laugh and be filled with cheer.”

“That is so sweet, Rocco.” Gloria said with a hint of a schoolgirl crush sparkling in her eyes.

“Gloria, I’m blushing all over. So, in 2000, I enrolled in clown school here in Los Angeles. I specialize in the physical aspects of clowning, such as dancing, various comedic kicks, arm movements, and facial expressions. I play on emotional vulnerability and use the art of failure to evoke laughter from both adults and children.”

“This is interesting, Rocco.”

“Yes, I actually use the art of failure to teach children how to win gracefully and how to accept failure as a stepping stone to success.”

“Can you explain that?” Gloria asked.

“Yes, Gloria, so many kids think that making a mistake is the end of the world. But when a clown squirts himself in the face with a fake flower or trips over his own big floppy shoes, everybody laughs along with the clown. It’s that sort of self deprecating humor that allows the children to see that failure isn’t so bad after all—that it’s just part of life.”

“Oh, Rocco,” Gloria said with a dreamy smile, “That is beautiful. I think I’m twitterpated with you.”

“Twitterpated. What an interesting word choice,” Rocco replies. “Well, you know, Gloria, I already have a girlfriend.”

“Yes, I know her. But that never stopped me. You’ve got my heart thumping and my motor revving, Rex. You don’t mind that I use your real name, do you?”

“Not at all. Go ahead.”

“So, Rex, you know I make a whole lot more money than your honey?”

“Well, you know, Gloria, money isn’t everything.”

“Well, true. But I can offer you a one-year supply of Rose Petal powdered milk and a free subscription to Oli TV.”

Rocco laughs along with the audience. “That powdered milk is tempting, Gloria. But I gotta go with my honey.”

“You know, Rocco, that’s all right. Your girl is a true sweetie, and she deserves a good man like you.”

“Thank you, Gloria. She and I have been dating for only five weeks now, and lately I’ve been humming that old Stevie Wonder song, ‘You Are the Sunshine of My Life,’ to myself.”

“Ah, you melt my heart, Rocco. I love that song. You know, Debbie is my personal assistant, and she is here for every show.”

“Yes, I’m aware of that, Gloria.”

“Let’s bring her onstage. I believe you have something to say to her.”

Rocco nods.

“Rafael,” Gloria calls out to the show’s director, “can you bring Debbie out?”

Rafael escorts Debbie onto the stage. She waves out to the audience.

“Debbie, sweetheart,” Gloria says, “come here and give me a hug.”

Debbie kisses Gloria on the forehead as the two embrace.

“Debbie, Rocco told me earlier that he has something special for you.”

Debbie looks over at Rocco and gives him a nervous smile. He stands and walks toward her.

“Hello, Debbie, my love.”

“Hello, Rocco,” Debbie replies as the two share a kiss.

The audience oohs and ahhs with sighs of adoration.

“Debbie, I have a special gift for you. I wasn’t sure if this was the right place or time for this. But I know you are the lady for me.”

Rocco kneels and takes a small box out of his pocket, opening it to reveal a sparkling diamond ring.

“Debbie, will you marry me?”

Debbie looks at Rocco, then looks at Gloria, and with tears in her eyes, runs offstage.

The audience reacts with surprise.

“Go after her,” Gloria says to Rocco.

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Come back for Part Two of this story in two weeks to find out what happens.

Until then, much love from RHC ❤️