Vocal
I Just Wanted Toothpaste... Now I'm Responsible for Deforestation.
There was a time when purchasing toothpaste was a relatively straightforward operation. You walked into a store, found the toothpaste, picked something that smelled vaguely like mint, paid, and went home. The entire transaction took about forty-five seconds and required no understanding of molecular biology. Those days are gone.
By The Pompous Posta day ago in Humor
Never Talk About Religion or Politics... Unless Your Name Is Mud
Don’t chew with your mouth open. Don’t ask a woman when she’s due unless you can actually see the baby emerging. And never, under any circumstances, discuss religion or politics at a social gathering.
By The Pompous Post5 days ago in Humor
From Ancient Spirits to Sexy Traffic Cones: What the Hell Happened to Halloween?
Halloween is approaching, so Americans are preparing to spend considerable sums dressing up as things they wouldn’t normally let into their homes. Skeletons appear on lawns, plastic spiders are attached to perfectly good furniture, and somewhere, a grown man is practicing walking in an inflatable dinosaur costume while his wife seriously reconsiders the choices that brought them together.
By The Pompous Post8 days ago in Humor
My Brain Remembers 1983, but Advertising Has Forgotten the Truth
Two things about modern civilization concern me. First, the human brain has apparently decided that information from 1983 deserves permanent storage, while anything useful today can be discarded without warning. Second, advertising has become so detached from reality that I wouldn’t be surprised to see a company market a cardboard box as a luxury residential experience.
By The Pompous Post12 days ago in Humor
I Just Wanted a Sandwich, a Photograph, and a Birthday Card...
There was a time when doing simple things was actually simple. You could walk into a restaurant, order a sandwich, eat it, and leave. Taking a family photograph didn’t require appointing a committee, and buying someone a birthday card didn’t mean spending twenty minutes evaluating the emotional credentials of a stranger employed by a greeting card company.
By The Pompous Post16 days ago in Humor
Congratulations... You Have Successfully Existed!
There was a time in American history when receiving a trophy meant you had accomplished something. You won a championship. You finished first. You defeated a worthy opponent. You spent six months practicing a skill until you became demonstrably better at it than the other people attempting the same thing.
By The Pompous Post18 days ago in Humor
At Some Point, Somebody Has to Say That's Enough
Pharmaceutical advertising used to be relatively straightforward. A pleasant-looking man or woman would stand beside a lake, while a reassuring voice said something like: “Some patients may experience mild headache or dry mouth.”...
By The Pompous Post22 days ago in Humor
I Was Just Trying to Make Coffee
Saturday morning began with a simple objective... Coffee. That's it. I wasn't remodeling the kitchen. I wasn't installing solar panels. I wasn't attempting to teach myself conversational Mandarin before lunch. I just wanted some coffee. This should have required approximately four minutes and almost no critical thinking. Unfortunately, I own a house.
By The Pompous Post26 days ago in Humor
A.I. for Dummies
For generations, humanity dreamed of artificial intelligence. Scientists imagined machines that could accelerate medical discoveries. Engineers envisioned computers solving problems so complex that ordinary human beings could barely formulate the questions. Futurists predicted intelligent systems that might help unlock the mysteries of physics, explore distant worlds, and expand the boundaries of human knowledge.
By The Pompous Post29 days ago in Humor
The Man Who Was Almost on Carson
Marty Blevins has spent thirty-eight years in comedy, or thirty-six, depending on whether you count the insurance years he claims were spent “developing material.” He calls himself a veteran of the late-night circuit, a pioneer of observational humor, and a performer whose career was once personally affected by the Amazing Kreskin. The Pompous Post dispatched field correspondent Gerald P. Whitcomb to interview Marty ahead of his set at the Chuckle Bucket, a comedy club sandwiched between a tire store and a building that used to be a tire store.
By The Pompous Postabout a month ago in Humor
Everything Is Fine
There is something reassuring about waking up in the morning, pouring yourself a cup of coffee, and spending the first few quiet minutes of the day discovering all the new and exciting ways civilization has apparently gone off the rails while you were sleeping.
By The Pompous Postabout a month ago in Humor
