Vocal
Bacon and I Are at Odds
Bacon and I are not on speaking terms. Bacon spat at me. I did nothing to hurt it. All I wanted to do was cook my mushrooms in his beautiful, luscious fat. I wanted the fungus to have the scent of its alluring fragrance to make our mouths drool. And it spat at me.
By Alexandra Grant3 months ago in Humor
PUBLIC HEALTH ALERT: The Uncontrollable Urge to Sneeze While Using Your Phone or Laptop
In what the Department of Common Catastrophes has declared “a growing national emergency,” experts are warning citizens about the overlooked menace plaguing millions of modern lives: the involuntary sneeze during moments of technological engagement.
By The Pompous Post3 months ago in Humor
The Meme-ing of The Signs of The Times
⚡ Hello again! 👋😁 It's me: __Lightning Bolt⚡! I'm back yet again with another hilarious edition of Meme-ing Madness! In the last edition of this sporadically ongoing series, I informed everyone that the Future of Funny on Vocal depended on you. 🫵
By Lightning Bolt ⚡3 months ago in Humor
BREAKING: Area Man Has Successfully Navigated Entire Social Gathering by Just Nodding and Saying “Heh… Tell Me About It.”
SOMEWHERE, USA - In what experts are calling “a landmark achievement in verbal minimalism,” local resident Gary Mullins has reportedly endured an entire three-hour neighborhood cookout without expressing a single original thought.
By The Pompous Post3 months ago in Humor
IDIOMS VS. IDIOTS: The Phrases That Make No Sense and the People Who Said Them Anyway
For centuries, humanity has traded in the sacred art of saying one thing and meaning another. These strange, sticky phrases, known as idioms, have infested every corner of our speech. They make us sound wise, even when we’re just repeating something our grandmother said after hitting her thumb with a hammer.
By The Pompous Post3 months ago in Humor
DIY: Destroy It Yourself!
SOMEWHERE, USA - As fall fever spreads across the nation, so too does its most dangerous side effect: unearned confidence. Fueled by YouTube tutorials and misplaced optimism, millions of citizens are once again taking up tools they barely understand, in what experts are calling “the annual home improvement apocalypse.”
By The Pompous Post3 months ago in Humor
What Happens When the “Mother of Invention” Puts You Up for Adoption?
📺 AS SEEN ON TV!….PROBABLY Legal Notice: By reading this article, you acknowledge that any desire to actually purchase these products is entirely your own fault. The Pompous Post™ is not responsible for:
By The Pompous Post4 months ago in Humor
Murphy Has You on Speed Dial (And He’s Not Leaving a Voicemail)
There are people in this world who float through life untouched by the universe’s cruel little pranks. Their toast lands butter-side up, their headphones never tangle, and they’ve never once stubbed their toes on a table leg… And then… there’s you.
By The Pompous Post4 months ago in Humor
BREAKING: Local Man Explains the Entire Plot of a Movie He Hasn’t Actually Seen, Based Solely on the Poster
CHIP VAGUELY (Anchor Desk, visibly exhausted): Good evening, I'm Chip Vaguely, and welcome to Channel 8 News. Where the truth doesn’t just come out… it rambles for several minutes first.
By The Pompous Post4 months ago in Humor
ALERT: Groundbreaking Study Reveals Cats Are Not Napping - They’re Recharging for Their 3 A.M. Zoomies to Nowhere
By The Pompous Post™ Investigative Lounge Division In what experts are calling “the most important breakthrough in modern domestic science,” researchers at the National Institute of Pet Behavior have confirmed that cats are not actually sleeping during the day. They’re recharging their internal chaos capacitors in preparation for their nightly ritual known as “The Zoomies.”
By The Pompous Post4 months ago in Humor
