Speed
"I saw that the police caught you. What happened?"
"I was going too slow."
"Wait, you mean you were going too fast?"
"No, if I were going too fast, they wouldn't have caught me."
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Tired Maria
Maria went to the doctor and complained of being tired.
"How often do you have sex per week?" he asks.
"Three times. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays," says Maria.
"Try skipping Wednesday," says the doctor. "Rest a bit more."
"I can't skip Wednesday, doctor, it's the only day I'm with my husband."
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Salami
A guy comes into a store and asks to buy salami:
"A meter of salami, please."
The seller responds:
"We don't sell salami by the meter, but by the kilogram!"
And the guy says:
"Alright then, a kilometer!"
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Dream
Two condoms are walking down the street and one complains:
"Lately, I keep dreaming about kids!"
To which the other replies:
"Well, you've sprung a leak!"
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The third woman always knows
Women are talking while getting their hair done. The first one says:
"My husband said he was going to his brother's place, but I called and he's not there."
The second one says:
"Mine said he was going to his mother's, but I called and he's not there either."
Then the third woman says:
"I always know where my husband is."
The other two say:
"That's impossible!"
The third woman replies:
"It's possible, I'm a widow."
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Failure
The son comes home from school, running happily towards his father saying:
"Dad, dad! You won't need to buy me books for the next school year!"
His father asks, puzzled:
"Why is that, son?"
"Because I'm repeating the grade!"
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Sermon
The priest enters the pulpit and says:
"Dear parishioners, today there will be no sermon!"
The people, naturally happy, think the Mass will end sooner. However, the priest continues:
"But instead, today we will collect double the offering!"
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Two computers
Two computers are walking down the street, and one says:
"Look at that girl! She has such properties!"
"Forget it, she's read-only!"
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Hairs
The teacher is writing on the chalkboard with her right hand. Suddenly, little Johnny shouts:
"Teacher, you don't have any hair under your right armpit."
She gets angry and tells him:
"Pack up your things and don't show up at school for a week."
A week passes, and the teacher is writing again with her right hand. At one point, she raises her left hand to scratch her head.
Little Johnny shouts again:
"Teacher, you don't have any hair under your left armpit."
The teacher gets even more angry and says:
"Pack up your things and I don't want to see you in class for a month."
After a month passes, Johnny returns and watches the teacher writing again. That day, she was wearing a short miniskirt. Suddenly, she drops the chalk and bends down to pick it up. At that moment, Johnny starts packing his things.
"Where are you going?" asks the teacher.
To which Johnny replies:
"For me, this school year is over."
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Police Officers
One police officer received a vase as "Officer of the Month" award. While carrying it home, he inadvertently turned the vase upside down without realizing it. He proudly presents the vase to his wife and says:
"Look, honey, what your husband brought home!"
She replies:
"What did you bring me, dummy? It has no opening, where do I put the flowers? Go ahead, nicely return it to the commander and ask for another..."
The officer goes to the commander sadly and says:
"Commander, why did you give me a defective vase as a gift? My wife almost lynched me. It doesn't have an opening for putting flowers..."
The commander takes a look, can't believe it:
"Indeed, it has no opening!" he declares sharply.
Then he looks at it from below and exclaims in astonishment:
"It doesn't even have a bottom, damn!"
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About the Creator
Sen Sab
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Comments (2)
Okay, you made my day!
funny; I needed a laugh. please write more.