The Ten that Lost their Zen

There's such a thing with mystery. It gives curiosity and wonderment. Nowadays mystery becomes only for those in introduction. whether you are meeting someone new or getting to know someone. The idea of figuring out someone early on is both frightening and beautiful because you want to know more. The more you learn about someone the more you either want to see more of them or create distance. The more you grow into this world the more aware of the world that comes to your way, The things that hide in the shadows blooms more into what we hide behind from our insecurities.

A random act of loneliness can be just what it takes to scare you. Being alone in a place that is normally so crowded. Now you feel unworthy and hinged. Tossed like trash and left feeling used and dismantled. Too long to wait. This feeling was new but the heart is not overdo. Love hasn’t been hard for me but finding someone willing to meet me halfway is. To learn that someone wasn’t genuine feels like hurt. Wondering if loving someone differently should be refuted. Still, you care as the memories become a foundation. Soon to be known, the foundation will crumble as the walls come down.

Strangers from distant paths to friends who close the gap. We clicked and bonded like none other. We created hopeful memories where we can start a path of adventure. Somehow, outside factors found its way in and soon, you sunk into a foundation of a blackened hole rather than a foundation of growth. A foundation for what was hoped for as a potential love. As time passes, the gap between us increase and our chances of reconnecting starts to fade. The idea of building a life together slowly becomes an after thought and the things we had planned to do, to build, changes into an empty memory.

More and more, life became harder for you to be yourself and I became a bystander to the struggle that was your life. A casualty of war to your thoughts and possibly your everlasting darkness. Still I try, to be of great importance because for a short time, I was. I was the only one you came to, to save you from the moment of terror and requiem. The chaos of your mind that took over before the anguish of the medical industry prescribe you with a way out.

A way out from the clutches of events to which you have little to no control and yet the choice you made was to let it all go. Choices to which engulfed your sense of freedom. Freedom from family, but freedom from yourself. Now with a new way to feel, a level of forced experience is what it takes for you to be real. To experience the passion, the joy and ultimately, the intimacy. To gain what you had before your new intake, now is questioned and ignored in order to maintain your new sense of "peace".

To find peace and happiness is the overlying goal. To find the one or be content with the self to live continuously in awe. Like you, I myself is going through a convention of reinvention. Not starting from scratch but starting from experience. So much so that the struggle to become what I had foresaw for us slowly sheds into tears of solace and misandry. I see your urge to find "the one" and yet you forget that a vessel lies in wait for you to make that step. So the Ten that lost their Zen is now without their Ben.