Losing Friends as You Grow

One thing that nobody truly understands when they are younger is that not every person in your life is meant to stay in your life. It is a simple fact of life and nature that as you get older, some people will drop off from your life.

Some will leave it silently and with little notice to you or the other person. Others will leave loudly in a situation that blows up after enduring a pressure that it simply can no longer handle. Some will be your choice, and some will leave despite your best efforts.

Let Go Gracefully

One of the worst reactions you can have to people leaving your life, is trying to hold on too tightly or choosing to fight to keep them there. Any time you fight to hold on to a person who doesn't want to be there... you already lost. Now, I know after reading that you are imagining a scenario where the person is trying to leave your life and you don't want them to go. That may be the case, but more often than not, the person is trying to stay and you're trying to convince yourself to allow it. Often times... the fight I'm referring to is you versus you, really.

In life there is often a conflict and challenge between what is healthy and what is easy or even wanted. It's easy to let familiarity convince you to just hold on to someone's friendship, love, or influence even when you know they are toxic or bringing down you or your life in some way. Other times, the situation itself may be putting the strain on the friendship or romance. Your friend moves two states over, a couple months go by, and now you don't hear from them that much. You try to keep in contact and hold on to the friendship or romance as hard as you can. Is the effort and the stress worth it? Chances are you don't want to ask yourself that question. Chances are even greater that you need to. Before you fight for anything... know what you are fighting for.

Those That Stick Around

It has been proven many times that the true friendships that we make when we are older, are the ones that usually stick with us longer. Not to say that childhood friends can't stick around for the long haul, but again... is the situation worth it? Does it impact it? That's for you to decide, and for the other person to decide. If the other person lets go... you have to let go too.

Great example is my best friend, whom I met when we were both 10 years old. We are both now 46. I live in the southeastern United States (still) and he moved up north with his wife and two kids. Are we still friends? Yes. Do we talk much? Nope. After 36 years of friendship, we don't have to talk or really work on staying friends. We are basically family at this point and there is no real work involved there.

How is this an example? Well, he has two brothers (twins) that are still alive (he lost one brother years ago) and obviously, I have known them for as long as I've known him. Do I talk to them? Nope. Do I consider them as being in my life anymore? Nope again. They dropped off despite both brothers being my friends too for year and years. Why did that happen? Life. That simple. They were not meant to stay a part of my life. I cut them out and they cut me out somewhere along the way. Nothing wrong with that.

Let's Sum Up

The point of this post is that some are meant to stay in your life and some people are meant to drift out either silently or perhaps loudly. Know when to let go and when to fight for it. You tell people that and they inevitably say something like, "Well, how am I suppose to know which is which?" The answer is far easier and obvious than people want to admit to themselves. Your instincts are probably screaming the answer at you. You just have to listen to them and accept what they are trying to show or tell you.

Lastly, it is important to say, don't get caught in the trap of thinking that pain is an indicator that someone is meant to be in your life. What do I mean by that? If the thought of letting that person go from your life hurts inside, that doesn't automatically mean that they are meant to stick around. Sometimes it's not easy, often times letting go of someone is messy, sometimes the pain is exactly why you need to let go of them. Do what is best for you and also what is best for those you know will remain in your life. Be smart. Be brave. Be you.