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Fatherless: The Breakdown of a Society

A love letter dedicated to all men on Father’s Day.

By Li-Li 📓Published about a month ago Updated about a month ago 12 min read

Aggression, violence, rape, murder, war - they all have one thing in common: men. This is all the stuff of “toxic masculinity,” right? Some will tell you that the solution is obvious: make men less toxic. Make them less masculine and neuter them so that they are more like women.

This type of thinking is not only skewed, it’s dangerous.

When you try to make men more like women, you don’t get less “toxic masculinity,” you get more. Bad men don’t become good when they stop being men; they become good when they stop being bad.

The aggression, violence, and unbridled ambition can’t be eliminated from the male psyche, but it can only be harnessed. When they are harnessed, they are tools for good, not for harm.

Men play a crucial role in society and they always have. They are called to be leaders in the household and beyond. Something is happening however, with our young men in 2024 - many of them feel they’re being left behind and this is resulting in them not knowing where they belong and how they can contribute to society. Where is their place? How can we encourage them to step into their power and be the leaders we need?

Toxic new-wave feminists are screaming (figuratively and sometimes literally) about how awful men are. I think we’re all fatigued from it. I personally believe this is a form of projection, due to trauma they’ve experienced from the first man in their lives - their fathers. But the mistakes of a few bad men should not define the overall good of the majority of men. The truth is that men are important and have a pivotal role to play in society. Sure, some of them behave less than honorably, but I could definitely say the same thing about women today. No one likes a pretentious and smug personality in anyone, man or woman.

In the evolving landscape of gender roles and responsibilities, the role of men often undergoes scrutiny and redefinition. However, one aspect remains steadfast: the indispensable importance of men in shaping and nurturing society, particularly within the confines of the household. Men are not only called to be leaders but also pivotal contributors to the holistic development of their families and communities.

Traditionally, men have been viewed as the leaders of their households, entrusted with the responsibility of providing and protecting. While societal norms continue to evolve, the fundamental role of men as leaders remains crucial. Leadership in the household extends beyond mere authority; it encompasses guidance, support, and the fostering of a nurturing environment where family members can thrive.

Men contribute to the stability and harmony of their homes by providing emotional support, making significant decisions, and being role models for their children. Their leadership sets the tone for the family dynamics, promoting values such as responsibility, integrity, and resilience. This foundational leadership not only shapes the present but also influences the future trajectory of their children and subsequent generations.

On a spiritual level, I personally believe that there’s a deeper reason why we are seeing the demasculinization of men and the destruction of the nuclear family. God calls men to be the head of their household. The men are the head and the women are the heart - one cannot survive without the other. We’re seeing a significant shift where many of our young men in America are not confident in their role as a leader - we’ve beaten them over the head with the whole “toxic masculinity” schtick, in some cases taking it so far as to say their very existence is toxic. (This is why those feminists are claiming that they’d rather choose a bear over a man, have you heard of that whole thing? Google it, it’s a riot.)

Our young men are lost and directionless, because they feel like they are being pushed away to a point where they’re putting their energy elsewhere - online, video games, etc. because angry, insecure women have told them that they aren’t needed. (Women can do it all, right? We can build and innovate and fix anything and everything - great! So why haven’t we?) This opens up a whole new can of worms because a bored man can be a dangerous man. If he has nothing to put his energy towards, no goals for his future, and is being told that he simply is just not needed in society, where is that man supposed to direct his feelings and his efforts?

I think this is a good place to also state that it’s ok that men express their emotions in a healthy way - I’m by no means saying that men should be so tough that they stifle their emotions which later erupts into anger and other issues, but I AM saying that men should not be TOO soft, and SO in touch with their emotions that they let a woman degrade them. I don’t know about you ladies, but as a woman, I do not want to have a man that does not want to be a provider or the head of the household. I know I’m not alone when I say that as a woman, I want to feel protected and secure. When a man steps into his role and understands his place, a woman as his partner can do the same. We are equal, but different, and this should be celebrated. Men want respect, women want love. Respect is earned and femininity should be protected. Men and women have special gifts, and when we truly embrace this, everything falls into place in the most beautiful and harmonious way.

Now, the same masculine traits that bring destruction also defeat tyranny and the traits that foster greed also build economies. The traits that drive men to take foolish risks also drive men to take heroic risks. The answer to toxic masculinity isn’t less masculinity; it’s better masculinity.

The majority of us understand and know what a real man looks like. It’s everything from the young man opening the door for a girl on their first date, to a father working long hours to provide for his family, to the brave soldier risking his life to defend his country.

I recently saw a slogan making its rounds on social media that read, “Make Men Manly Again.” I love that. The growing problem in today’s society isn’t that men are too masculine, it’s that they’re not masculine enough. We’ve got a problem where soft boys are failing to step into their rightful power as a man.

When men embrace their masculinity in a way that is healthy and productive, they are leaders, warriors and heroes. However, when they deny their masculinity, they run away from responsibilities, leaving destruction and despair in their wake.

The consequences can be seen everywhere, as studies show that one in four fathers now lives apart from his children. Children who grow up without a dad are generally more depressed than their peers who have a mother and a father in their family structure.

They are at far greater risk for incarceration, teen pregnancy and poverty. Seventy-one percent of high school dropouts are fatherless. As much as we try to deny the need for real, masculine strength in society, there’s no denying that it’s a necessity.

Healthy families and strong communities depend on the leadership and bravery of good men. Yet, the current trend is to feminize young men in the hopes of achieving some utopian notion of equality and peace. Then what? Women will rise up to be warriors and heroes when they tell men that possess these same qualities that there’s no place for them in society because it’s “toxic?” Please. Feminists are actually becoming the very thing that they hated in men in the first place.

I’m reminded by Cher’s quote in an interview where she said “Mom, I am a rich man” in reply to her recounting the story of her mother asking her when she’d settle down and marry a rich man. Side note, I kind of hate that “queen” attitude where some of these delusional young women shun the idea of embracing their role as a traditional woman - yet expect and in some cases, demand that the men they date MUST pay for their dinner, hold the door open for them, and basically be the embodiment of a traditional man, all the while they are undeserving of this type of man who rightfully are turned off by them. And these same types of women will claim that there are “ no good men out there” and that chivalry is dead. Well, congrats because you feminists killed it. For real though, wake up ladies - these men owe you nothing. But I digress…

Feminizing men and cultivating a generation of soft boys starts at the earliest ages. In the school classroom boys are invariably “the problem.” On the playground aggressive games like dodgeball have long been banished. We tell young men that their intrinsic desire to compete is wrong. This anti-male tilt continues on through higher education and into the workplace. It has created millions of tentative men, unhappy women, and confused boys and girls.

Here’s a secret that every woman knows - I take that back, it’s not really a secret - women want real men. No woman who knows her power and self worth wants a beta cuck of a man who will act like her little bitch and “yes, dear” her to death.

We women want men we can count on and make the executive decisions, and yes, even look up to.

No amount of feminist theory will change that, it’s just the truth. I don’t know any woman, at any age, who is attracted to a passive man who looks to her to be his provider, protector and leader. We all want a strong, responsible, reliable, and confident man.

That’s not a consequence of a social construct or cultural pressure—it’s innate. The devaluation of masculinity won’t end well because feminine, passive men don’t stop evil. Read that again. Passive men don’t defend, protect or provide, and they sure as hell don’t lead. Passive men don’t do the things we have always needed men to do for society to thrive. Bring back the quiet strength of stoic men who bear the burden of hard times that we women (thank God) have not experienced and will not experience in our lifetime.

A large part of society (mainly the Left) has been extremely clever in how they go about attacking masculinity in men. Toxic masculinity is a blanket statement that is so overused, but manliness has two sides - the gentlemanliness and the brutishness. The Left first said “Stop being a gentleman! Don’t hold the door, women can do it for themselves and don’t need you! Never do gentlemanly things because it’s offensive!” So then men stopped doing those things. The gentlemanliness went away and the brutishness remained. Then society and the extreme Left said “Don’t be a toxic, masculine person.” Just can’t win, can you? It makes no sense.

In his book The Abolition of Man, English social philosopher C.S. Lewis writes about this problem. He describes the tension “between cerebral man and visceral man.” “By his intellect,” Lewis explains, man “is mere spirit and by his appetite mere animal.” We need both. Take away one, and you’re left with a man who’s either weak or wicked. And in a world of wickedness, weak men are nothing more than enablers of wicked men.

Bad men who do the raping, murdering, and warring; and weak men who won’t stop them - one could say are just as evil. We need good men who will boldly stand against this and raise their sons to do the same. Angry feminists should take note that the answer to the inequality they see in the world lies in the balance of men and women acknowledging and fully stepping into their power - you actually need men to be advocates of true feminism and equality of the sexes. We need each other. Remember, equality means that both men and women are equal in worth, but we are not the same in our roles and this is a good thing because we bring different strengths to the table. So it’s not masculinity that’s toxic, it’s the lack of it.

When you remove masculinity, you don't get docile weak men. You get dangerous men that lash back out at society.

There's a really great African proverb that says a child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth. Over time it seems like toxic masculinity has become a catchall term for any male behavior that someone finds offensive or unpleasant, and this inconsistent arbitrary criticism leads many men to fall into the trap of actual toxic behavior.

When I think about my soon-to-be husband becoming a father one day, I continue to pray that he will have a fuller understanding on just how important of an impact he will have on his future child’s life. I have no doubt that he will pass on the wonderful things his father taught him, and I have always admired his subtle strength that shines through in his character - the way he carries himself and works hard, doesn’t complain or whine when things get tough, makes the difficult decisions and stands his ground - oh goodness, I have no problem making that man as many sandwiches as his heart desires! I’ll gladly follow his lead. It’s the least I can do for him when he provides for me in so many ways.

My femininity is able to flourish, and I can step into my power as a woman because my man understands how to hone his masculinity.

Normalize allowing men and women to embrace their roles to the fullest. Society, public figures, and the corrupt media vilifying masculinity and disregarding the role of fathers at home is so gross. If you have the discernment to recognize what’s really going on, you understand just as I do that there’s a very intentional reason why the powers that be want to destroy the nuclear family, and how it starts with keeping men, the leaders in our society and the head of our households, being anything but that.

Let’s be real here - men built the society we live in today and are responsible for inventing a lot of the things we take for granted in our daily lives. Sure, they may be thinking about the Roman Empire on a daily basis, but if it were not for the innovation and creativity of men, there are many things we would not have that make life very convenient. Men are also actively engaged in professions that contribute to economic growth, technological advancement, governance, and cultural enrichment. Their contributions are diverse, ranging from entrepreneurship and innovation to leadership in public service and academia.

Men often assume critical roles in industries such as engineering, finance, healthcare, and education, driving progress and development through their expertise and dedication. Their contributions to the workforce and community initiatives are instrumental in addressing societal challenges and fostering positive change.

In the realm of child development, the presence and involvement of fathers are profoundly impactful. Research consistently underscores the unique contributions that fathers make to their children's cognitive, emotional, and social development. Active fatherhood is associated with improved academic performance, enhanced self-esteem, and healthier relationship outcomes for children.

Fathers provide distinct perspectives and parenting styles that complement maternal roles, offering children a balanced and enriched upbringing. Their influence extends beyond provision to include mentorship, discipline, and the cultivation of life skills. The bond between fathers and children serves as a cornerstone for emotional well-being and resilience, laying the groundwork for confident and compassionate individuals.

The role of men in society as leaders in the household and beyond is indispensable. Their contributions encompass leadership, economic participation, and nurturing relationships crucial for societal cohesion and progress. Men are called not only to provide materially but also to impart values, guide future generations, and shape a legacy of strength and compassion. Recognizing and supporting men in their multifaceted roles is essential for fostering inclusive and resilient communities where every individual can thrive.

My heart truly goes out to all the young men that feel like they have lost a sense of purpose and are not sure where they fit in. I think something that a lot of women have wrong about men is they think that men are all about domination and control and I actually think ultimately what men want is to be loved. They want respect, yes, but it starts with a foundation of love and to feel appreciated and seen for their sacrifices. I hope that men will figure out that they were created by God, for God, with amazing gifts and characteristics - they were created to be a son, a husband, and a father.

Men, it's okay to be a man. Harness your masculinity, seek out responsibility, and lead with courage. Men - we love you. We see you. We need you. To our fathers, sons, husbands, brothers, grandfathers, uncles, nephews - you are so cherished, appreciated, and honored. Please don’t let society, the media, or even the loud screeches of angry feminists coddle you into the lie that you aren’t. ~

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About the Creator

Li-Li 📓

Just a modest woman living in a modern world, writing about what I know while embracing life’s simple pleasures, & finding solace in the rhythm of words and the unconditional love of my dog.

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