My public journal
You will feel like you know me personally by reading my journal or at least the emotions I've felt.
I write to express, and clear my head, it's my therapy.
It's not perfect, but nothing is
Thank you for reading!
A couple of lovers
We were never supposed to get together in the first place, we were never supposed to actually start talking at all. An innocent joke turned into something more beautiful than i could imagine. From the late nights making eachother laugh, to the car rides, views, beaches, and everything in between made me fall in love with who you are as a person, and i loved the way you made me feel. You made me feel seen, beautiful, and special inside and out. It was something so innocent, and its probably the best love i have ever experienced.
We all go through some emotional trauma at some point in our lives, emotinal, physical mental etc. It could be from a heartbreak, losing a loved one, or even just from being in a toxic relationship with somebody. We all deal with it one way or another, and eventually that feeling you once felt that was so gut wrenching will no longer cease to exist, but it takes time to completely heal from it. Time, patience with yourself and even your own mind, because if not healed properly your mind will still bring up those certain moments in your life, and still have an affect on you.
Heres a happier post
Since I've had some time to myself and finding out who I am, and my worth, and how much of a great person I am, I've become so much happier within myself its crazy. My alone time I've had really made me realize how selfish I was being in not putting myself first or my feelings. I've had so much time to reflect on the past, and heal mentally and emotionally from everything and overcome so much. It was a very long journey to get where i am today, but i am so proud of myself.
I know most of my writing is sad or depressing or probably isn't the happiest most of the time. I know it's not perfect, I have mistakes, and sometimesI'll put a comma where it probably shouldnt go. I write about the same things, and or same emotions or feelings, but that's only because that's all I've ever know for most of my life. My writing is a reflection of myself, who I was, and who I am becoming. So yeah it may not be perfectly written, but It's my writing, and that how I am, I'm perfectly imperfect.
Call me crazy or weird or whatever it is you want to say, but if I'm being honest lately I like to be alone. Sometimes just sitting with my own company is just so peaceful to me. I could be reading, writing, listening to my music, or watching some videos on youtube, and I will be perfectly content. I've learned to love being alone away from people, and negative energy that come with some people not all but most. I've learned that if it doesnt bring me happiness or is messing with my peace I will not tolerate it. Thus being alone bring me more joy than going out to a party or to anything really. People think that because I'm always alone that I am depressed or sad when it's not even that at all. I'm just more at peace with it, and I've learned to love it so much that I just prefer it. No one can mess with my peace or my emotions, and I don't have to deal with anyone. As harsh as that sounds it's not meant that way believe me. I just don't need to be surrounded by hundreds or people to make me happy or to being going out constantly, because if I'm being honest I can only stand being around so many people for so long, and then I start getting irritated and want to go home. Don't take it personal I just cherish my own company more than anything now.
The start of a new chapter
I haven’t really been active writing on here or at all. I’ve neglected it so much, but I am back, and I’m better than ever. See life happened to me which just really unmotivated me, and I was so caught up in my own head and my feelings it just wasn’t a good time for me, but hey we all have our days right? As long as we don’t sit there stuck in the past or in that moment we will be alright.
Meaning of being successful
To be successful is probably the one thing we all have in common that we strive for these days. The only issue with that is there's so many different ways to see success. Everyone has their own perspective on success and what it means to them, but others see success differently, and I may be one of those people.
For the past year I've been struggling so much with depression that I had become someone I didn't even know anymore. I disconnected myself from my family, and my friends. I didn't want to go out as much anymore I just didn't want to be around anyone. I isolated myself so much that my room was my comfort. I started sleeping a lot more than usual, and sometimes I wouldn't even make it out of my room. I had no motivation, no energy nothing. I had seemed to lost my way of who I used to be, and it has taken me a really long time to find my way back.