Merjaunie Lena
Bio
I write to express, and clear my head, it's my therapy.
It's not perfect, but nothing is
Being able to vent without a filter is the best way to go.
I am not a professional writer
Check it out ππ»
Stories (21/0)
Self Healing
For the past year I've been struggling so much with depression that I had become someone I didn't even know anymore. I disconnected myself from my family, and my friends. I didn't want to go out as much anymore I just didn't want to be around anyone. I isolated myself so much that my room was my comfort. I started sleeping a lot more than usual, and sometimes I wouldn't even make it out of my room. I had no motivation, no energy nothing. I had seemed to lost my way of who I used to be, and it has taken me a really long time to find my way back.
By Merjaunie Lena2 years ago in Confessions
Lost Lonely Girl
Sweet little girl wanders the streets alone, pacing up and down the same street never leaving pass the same block. She can't seem to figure out who she is looking for as she starts to panic. Her head spinning with confusion, as the tears start to stream down her eyes. She shouts for someone, but no one seems to respond. As she looks to the left and right of her she sees the streets get darker and darker, until that one light post she stands under is only on her. Her anxiety begins to kick in even more, " What is happening " ?! she screams, but still no one is able to hear her. " Can anyone hear me "?! she yells, but still no response. She tries to walk out of the lonely street, but it seems she just keeps going in circles back to the same spot. Until finally she gives up, and sits under the light post with her head crouched into her legs. It's like a never ending path that she always finds herself back here time and time again. She tends to wander off to the last place she remembers that her life was simple and happy, but every now and then she seems to get lost. She hears a voice in the distance, " Sweetie are you alright "? As she slowly picks her head up to see who it is talking to her, but there is no one there. " Hello can you hear me" ? It's that voice again, but she doesn't seem to see anyone. " Yes I hear you "! As she circles around hoping to see who is shouting out to her, she closes her eyes and counts to 3. One, two, three, as she opens her eyes she fades back into her reality of sitting at the dinner table with her family. " Sweetie are you okay " ? her mother asks her. " Yes mom I am fine, sorry I guess I spaced out". You see she was never lost, she tends to get inside her head all on her own and make herself feel that way. It's a coping technique she uses when she feels stressed, she'll remember her happiest memory, but when she can't focus on just that one memory she gets lost in her head, and creates all these unnecessary emotions to make her feel lost. It's always mental, as you always battle with yourself mentally each and everyday, just try not to get lost and lose that battle with yourself.
By Merjaunie Lena2 years ago in Poets
A Brand New Love
It went from months, to weeks, to days, to only hours of finally being able to lay my eyes on you for the first time. The fierce pain that shocked my body as I pushed countless times. To the moments of passing out after each push I would give, to only being woken up by that sharp pain again telling me get up to do it all over again. Until finally that final push which I gave everything I had to my last tear coming down my eye, you were here. You were so silent, as they placed you on my chest. As I began to look upon on what I had created, your nose, your lips, your ears, your eyes, the small little fingers and toes. Everything about you was just so perfect, as you began to open your eyes for the first time analyzing what was around you, until your eyes finally locked onto mine. As I whole heartily could not but get this deep warm feeling flowing through my entire body of absolute joy and happiness telling me " He is what you have been waiting for ". My heart, mind, and soul felt completely whole because I knew he was mine and no one would ever be able to take him away from me. The feelings, and emotions I felt that day were so close to unreal, because the moment I first laid my eyes on that beautiful baby boy of mine I knew I would never love anyone as much as I love him. All that pain I had to endure, and the hours of not being able to sleep I would do it all again just to be able to meet the love of my life.
By Merjaunie Lena2 years ago in Poets
Put Yourself First
We were always told since being kids, when you grow up you should be a doctor, or a lawyer or something that just pays really well. Of course as having a job that pays well is the most common pursuit in everyone's life did you stop think about if you're happy at doing what you are doing, and that you are doing it for yourself not because you should or because someone told you to. Did you stop and think that doing something that you are not happy with could possibly affect your mental state? I know it's ideal to go and apply to this or that job just because the pay is so well, and it is ideal to always want better for yourself, but let me ask you this is this ideal job where you are breaking your back doing everything you possibly can worth you being unhappy or stressing just because the money is that great? If you answered yes then this article isn't for you, but if you answered no then keep on reading.
By Merjaunie Lena2 years ago in Motivation
Turn your emotions into art
For the times you can't help but yell into a pillow, to the times where you randomly start crying in the shower, or even getting so angry you decide to punch a hole in the wall. Instead of doing all that I want you to write, write it all out and see the creativity and effortless art that comes within you. Writing is such a form a art no one really gives credit to, but if you stop and think about it all this channeling that comes from within a person that has a whole story, short story, a poem to write about has been through so much. Channeling all these different emotions at once to be able to sit down and just write, and write, and write until your mind finally becomes at peace because you have finally been able to get it off your chest, but without actually talking to someone. That is something I will always look up to because if you are not the type of person who can openly express what you are feeling to someone then I encourage you to write in whatever it is a journal, diary, blog, a piece of paper even if you will not show anybody at all just for yourself to see just write. Write your life away write down every single emotion your are feeling to let it all out, and I promise you that you will feel a sense of relief, a heavy weight lifted off your shoulders to help you get through the remainder of your day. People tend to bottle up everything, and think whatever you are feeling in that moment will just go away, you push it to the back of your mind trying to ghost your own mind that you will be fine if you just pretend not to think about it. Truth is you will continue to think about more and more until you finally do something with all those emotions you are bottling up. Talking to someone can help, but truth is there's just some things we cannot say to people we know. Because some of these emotions we are feeling tend to be about the people we love and care about. Things people have put us through, things people have said to us, and that's what makes it hard for us to actually talk to someone face to face. Writing is an art just without any pictures, just how drawings and paintings are art but just without the words. When you do look at a drawing or a painting you can always tell the emotions and feeling the artist was feeling within that moment just by the colors of the painting. Writing is the same, but you can tell what emotions the writer was feeling in the moment just by the words they use in their writing. Being able to be vulnerable and be true to yourself, and admit to things you can never really say out loud is something to be proud of. Even if you are not a big fan of writing I highly encourage you to try it out, and let the anger, sadness, stress whatever it may be take control of your hand holding that pencil, and watch your true feelings come to life on that piece of paper. Truth is everyone's life is an art worth living, you just have to know the best way to express yourself. My way is through my own words, through my writing will anyone be able to see my true vulnerable self at my lowest or even my highest. You will begin to see that you are capable of expressing your true self even if it's not to a real face.
By Merjaunie Lena2 years ago in Motivation
You
Seeing you for the very first time was like walking into a museum and seeing all the colorful paintings on the wall. You're so interested in the piece of art you could stare at it for hours. The bright vibrant colors I got as my cheeks flustered watching you walk right past me. As my cheeks warmed up so did my body feeling as if I were laying out soaking up the sun. I couldn't wrap my mind on the breathtaking vision I had just seen, as if I woke up and saw a fleet of snow outside my window. My stomach knotting so tight as I lost words to say but " who is that ". As all my attention got me to stop what I was doing at that moment and just focus on your presence. It had felt as if everything around me was blurred but you were in perfect form. It was like I had seen my cartoon character crush for the first time again, where I would just want to re-watch that same show over and over again just to see you. Seeing you for the first time was like that peaceful feeling you get of being at the beach late at night hearing the waves crash against the shore, everything felt right. It was in that exact moment everything felt right, as time felt to slow down just a tad bit slower just so I can look at you a little while longer. You really had me at a loss for words, my brain and heart couldn't click on what just had happened to me. Is this it, is he the one I could of possibly been waiting for, I was so confused as this had never happened to me before. Seeing you and your face made me feel I had knew you in a past life, but you were only a stranger, but my mind was set that I had to make it my business to get to know you. Could I possibly have all these mixed feelings towards a person I only saw for 30 seconds. It has to mean something, you were in my sight at the right time, and just seeing you made me feel so at home.
By Merjaunie Lena2 years ago in Poets