This morning I have been in a weird mood. I am not happy, but I am not sad. I am more in thought. I am, of course, thankful that at least I awakened to see another day, right? My kids are healthy and here, and my life seems to be okay if I was an outsider looking in. Many do not know that is what depression looks like. I go to therapy, take medication to control these vibes, But none of that works for more it seems. I want to be transparent at a point in my life, and I do not want to make the outside look good as much as I want the inside to feel good. That is the most essential part.
The man beyond the infamous murders back in the late 1960s. Some say he was a cult leader, a prophet, a murderer, and much more. We will discuss who exactly Charles Manson was from my point of view. I am not a professional doctor, so I will not be making any diagnosis labels or leading that way as I am not trained. However, I am a conspiracy theorist and have no problem sharing my thoughts on this topic with you.
Richard Ramirez was born on February 29th of 1960 in El Paso, Texas. Growing up in a home with four other children with hard-working immigrant parents. Richard Ramirez's mother worked in a factory with respiratory issues making Richard Ramirez's pregnancy very difficult. Richard grew up suffering from seizures. He was a good kid in school leading up to high school. Richard then 11 years old started hanging around a cousin named Miguel who served in the Vietnam war. Miguel would smoke weed with Richard and Miguel would go on to tell him horrible stories that he experienced in Vietnam. For example, he showed pictures of dead and mutilated bodies to Richard and even told him about a woman he raped and murdered. At a young age, Richard was a witness to his cousin Miguel murdering his wife. Showing him how to do a “successful” kill since he was trained. He decided to use his wife as a demonstration to Miguel. It is also said that Richard’s father was very abusive to the children and even had a pedophile who allegedly raped his older brother but, it's stated that Richard was never a victim of the sexual assaults.
As the blood moon settles in my mind the only thing that I can think of is blood. Why do you ask? I feel like the sweat I shed is simply an illusion of blood leaving me empty just like the blood moon that glows the sky. You work to be the best you, that you can be. When you fail do you blame yourself? Do you fallback from completing something that you felt was a fail? Or do you get up and try again? Why do some people think those of us that take time to lay on the ground and re-play our failures? Is it okay to try to understand the 'why' of the failure? Even if it doesn't make sense, even though I may never know why I failed, it should be okay to embrace the fact that I have fallen. You give the sweat/blood time to dry. Getting right back up with no plan is never a good plan.
My biggest thoughts as a child were mainly death. I don’t think that I ever talked about it with anyone. The times that I attempted to my mother was the type to say, “don’t speak things like that into existence.” My grandmother was always one to have these discussions with me if allowed but, her advice was always vague due to the disagreement with the conversation taking place against my mother’s wishes.
A year after the horrific murders occurred the house sat until the Lutz family decided to buy the High Hopes Murder House for $88,000 on December 18, 1975. The furniture from the DeFeo family was still partial in the house which the Lutz family paid an additional $400 as a part of their mortgage. The Lutz family stayed in the High Hopes Murder house for less than 30 days. Even given the history of what happened in the house leading up to their sale. They were determined to make the house a home given its price that they just couldn’t pass up. The Lutz family had a priest come in and bless the house before moving in.