Mental Health: Check-In

Rant

I do not know why today is one of 'those days' for me. Let's start with what I should be happy and excited about the most. My fiance's birthday is today, and we have plans to move into our new house. Another grateful milestone that I accomplished this year and with the love of my life. Our lives have been far from perfect, and I plan on documenting it all. Maybe the words will heal me. Honestly, I am thinking of my mother. My cousin just lost his mother, and I feel for the pain he is experiencing. My lupus has put me down for weeks.

Happy Birthday Love

To my love, the sun has set and risen for 365 days with you next to me. The seasons have changed; our love has grown in the blue and the grey skies; I love you. It has been a fight, but you never gave up on me, on us. You had fought for me time and time again, even when I thought we could not come back from things, you proving me wrong. You accept my flaws, craziness, depression, anxiety, all my interrogation questions, my many mood swings. Most importantly, you take care of my kids as your own, and you have never treated them differently. I love you forever and always and will follow you until the end of time.

Sadness

Today is a typical day. Maybe I am just hangry at the moment. Maybe, I am lonely. I let go of people who did not serve me any good, and clearly, I did not help them well, and they did not help me. I do not let it bother me as much as I use to, but I am happy that it is finally over. It did not end in madness; it's merely just finished. That I can live with, I wish them the best, but they are not allowed to come in my next chapter. Losing any friendship or relationship brings sadness. The happiness comes from knowing the back and forth, the jealousy, and the disrespect that we both gave each other is over, no hate, no shade, and all love and the best.

Clearing the air

Now that I expressed a couple of things that were on my mind today. I can say I feel a lot better. I changed somethings around. I am ready for the change that is taking place. I keep growing as a person, mother, fiance, friend, and human. It is time to plan the wedding, move into the house (tomorrow), and continue to grow my business in a completely different way than I initially expected. Anybody that thinks we have or had a problem, we do not. If you believe that I have hate or malice towards you in my heart, I do not. I apologized for my actions when we were 'friends'; that is all I can do. I've learned, and the next step is to grow. My mind, time, energy is now focused on where it should be, and I hope others are in the same place, my little tidbit for clearing the air. Wishing you all peace, love, and happiness in all you do going forward.

Final Thought

Expressing my thoughts was fun! You get to read what goes on in my mind daily. I am all over the place, and this isn't even half of it. I just figured I write what was bothering me and simultaneously make me happy—only another part of my shadow work. I want to reflect and have a response to these mental health thoughts. What I can re-read and respond to a different moment in time will give me a clear path to healing and reacting differently. I know in this particular moment I am thinking overthinking is what we need to reflect on. If you want to share where is your mental health at, at this moment? I know these are hard things to share, but maybe you aren't the only one going through these things. We all can relate more than we know.