Living with depression, my way!

The clinical definition states, "a mental disorder characterized by moods and loss of interest affecting everyday life for most."

I would say that I have been living with depression my entire life. I was always the loner. Now that you think about it as I grow older age that was not necessarily such a bad thing.

However, we all know kids can be cruel. Kids were harsh growing up in the 90s. My family was not the richest making most of my clothes not considered "in" style. My mom picked out the best she could from the goodwill. I was appreciative but not as much as I should have been. After the passing of my mother, I now realized the gem that second-hand stores carry for people with a limited amount of money. I was bullied because of my clothes, sexually abused in school and, faced discrimination and racism. These are just some of the things that contributed to my depression.

Bringing it back to what I can remember, we date back to when my mother would drop me off at daycare with a woman who did not take care of me at all. I was a young one memory of some events I suppressed. However, the main memory I remember was being locked down in her dark basement with all her dolls while being forced to watch Child's Play movies. I was too young to voice this to my mother yet. I would scream when we would pull up to the woman's home. It was only a matter of time that my mother realized something was not right and removed me from her home.

Growing up, I was the only child but had two older brothers almost 20 years apart in age from me. They would take care of me when my mother would work, but for the most part, they were always in and out of trouble. I had to learn to grow up and fast. I was what some would consider a "latch key kid." It was lonely. I got into some trouble but, nothing major simple things that come with freedom when you are taking care of yourself.

How do you heal from your past to help your adult depression?

That is the whole goal with journaling more, doing more shadow work, tapping into the uncomfortable feelings that challenge my being. Repressing the problem isn't helping the problem; alternatively, it is increasing a bigger problem. Instead, my children are learning to bury our traumas in a place we don't have to address it. Now, as a parent, an individual that wants to grow, we speak about things that bother us in our home. Also, working through it together and not resorting to spanking as the only option(unpopular opinion, yeah, I know!). Children can understand and will understand by talking to them. You are raising people to talk to them as such is my approach. That comes from being hit with everything under the sun. Yes, in the black community, we make jokes when we grow up but, deep inside the abuse bothers us. I have always been curious to understand why problems could not have been handled, differently? Focusing on my flaw helps me write my wrongs when it comes to my children. Most importantly, becoming the best human that I can be to others around me, my children, my family, and my friends.

I meditate a lot more these days. I even meditate with my children with their breathing balls. I try to have them write down one thing they are grateful for every night. How does this help me? It keeps me accountable by teaching my kids this way of life it pushes me to continue behind the scenes when I have alone time. What are you doing to combat your depression naturally? If you aren't sure please reach out and we can start a routine together. Sending love and light your way, all ways, always!