Interracial Relationship Woes.

Racism has been taboo because some people believe that once the emancipation proclamation ended, some people still believe that racism ended then, which is exceptionally bizarre. Yeah, we can say its 2020

One thing for sure, Donald Trump allowed the possums to leave their nest to terrorize the people. However, the moment you. Defend yourself; then you are attacking them sounds about Trump like to me, yet I digress.

I feel like I write about this topic a lot but being that they are the in-laws and grandparents of my child, I guess it will always be something until I have chosen to give up on trying to mend relationships for the sake of my son. They are racist, and they can’t possibly love my son with their views; that is lesson number one for me. How do I have a conversation with my son about racism? I do not want him to think he is not enough? I want him to view half of himself differently because of those people with whom he shares DNA.

Would you stay even with the disrespect?

Yes, I know it is not my fiance’s fault; he can not control his family. However, in my eyes, he can speak up to them when they are wrong and call them out. Would it do anything, would it matter? My child and his respect mean more to me than anything. Racist white people can not respect biracial children if they do not respect the mother they grew from for ten months. I can not trust racism with my children, especially when my fiance’s mother threatened to kill my child. My fiance says that cutting off his family is the only option. But that is not my goal. My goal was to make this somewhat amicable, but it foolish me to think you can be peaceful with someone so ignorant that the only reason they have for not liking you is because of their skin color.

A person who has both parents deceased, the last thing I want for my soulmate is not to have a relationship with his parents. I don’t want him to make a choice; I choose not to be around or have my children around if he must have a relationship with his parents. My biggest concern, though, is will they change his mind on his decision to be with someone outside of his race? I guess I have to trust him enough to know that he would not let people sway his morals and ethical thoughts on standing on what is right.

Is Leaving domestic violence for verbal abuse any better?

My main question is, do I stay with my fiance due to his racist family? My fiance has been the only man in my life that I can feel completely comfortable with him in every aspect. He accepts me for all my flaws. Through all the trials and tribulations, he has supported me from dealing with my divorce, moving me out of state due to domestic violence and racism.

He saved my children from what I thought was not just domestic abuse but confirmed after I left that my ex did harm my daughter one time and tried to cover it up. I asked my daughter multiple times if this happened, but, of course, a scared little girl refuse to tell me the truth. Plus, in her mind, she loves her dad and didn’t know what would happen. In my eyes, I wanted to kill him, but I need to be here for my kids. The only way was out by any means necessary.

However, when I met my fiance and my daughter built a genuine relationship with him. She revealed to my fiance and me that my ex-husband physically hurt her by fracturing her arm. I remember telling her when it first happened that we were leaving. I had no idea how, but I let her know that nobody will cause harm to her. I cried on the bathroom floor, begging for the truth from her, but I never got it until later. The healing that took place for my daughter was difficult, but my fiance stood by my side every step of the way. So much so that my daughter is the most vocal she has ever been. Why? Because she is comfortable in a home where she is loved unconditionally without worrying about any form of abuse. She can have an opinion and express herself. She is happy and thriving because her personality is respected and honored in this home. It is crazy the amount of love you can show a child and get to see them blossom into amazing people of society.

Verbal Abuse in Racist family members?

After discussing domestic violence in my previous relationship and how I overcame that alongside my fiance, the other part of that statement is I went from domestic abuse to verbal abuse and not from my partner in this case. The verbal abuse is from my fiance’s racist family. I have been called the N-word by the mother of my fiance. My fiance’s father just said to his son that he called me the N**-word eight months ago; get over it.” Leaving my children and myself forced to stay in a room, not allowed to take a shower or eat unless we ordered food. I was seven months pregnant with my racist in-law’s grandchild. My children included my seven-month pregnant belly. My fiance’s sister told my children to sleep in our Jeep during the snow because my fiance worked nights. They did not want us in their home because we were illegally evicted from our apartment and had to stay with my fiance’s sister for two weeks — the worst two weeks of my life.

I had to live in a space with a confederate flag that my fiance’s husband supported. In his delusional mind, it meant “rebel.” However, my fiance’s sister is military. It amazes me the lack of American History is aware of but only questions our education system; that is a topic for another post. My fiance’s mother threatened to kill my son, her grandchild. Another term referenced to was J***-which, which I had no idea what that meant. However, it is a racial slur for people of color. Things you learn living in a Sundown Town while being black.

Did you tell your fiance about the things his family was doing to me?

Yes, of course, I did, and honestly, I do not know if he knew at the moment how to handle it. It didn’t help that we were homeless because of being an interracial couple, pregnant with our first child, money was short, and we ended up living out of a hotel room. Once he found out what his sister and mother were saying and heard some of it himself, we had no choice but to live out of a hotel room for a while. During this time, I thought about leaving, but with two kids in tow and no money and pregnant, that was hard. My fiance refused to let go and allow us to co-parent, but he also did not know what to do as far as his family. I will admit I kept things that were said and done to me from his family because I was not sure he would believe me.

Also, I did not want to put him in a position where he had to choose. Only for it all to come down to that because of everything that transpired, and then his mother wanted him to make a choice leaving his child and forgetting about us or being apart of their family. While reluctantly and stupidly once again, I tried to come to some middle ground. That never worked because the choice was forced by his family and made it easy for him. His family cut him off called me a “thing,” “cr**head,” “w*ore” “ni**er,” but they love my son. Confusing, I know.

Where do I go from here?

I am sure it hurts him; I wonder how I can ease that pain? I wonder if he will resent me later on? Does he resent our son? I am afraid to ask that question. Will my son be good enough in the eyes of his father, knowing in the back of his mind that his whole family hates what he grew? These are all the reasons I question if staying is an option. My fiance wants to do whatever it takes to show me that he is here with me and that he will ride this out with me. To me, that all sounds good now, while it’s fresh. In ten years, will he still feel the same way?

Interracial marriage only became legal in 1967, which is only 53 years ago. Not to mention the time we are in, I feel that going backward and our relationship is illegal. I can handle the looks; I can talk to my children about race; hell, I am black, always conversing in our home. However, can I spend the rest of my life with someone who gave up his family to be with me, and him never to throw it in my face or make me feel as if it is my fault he has no relationship with his family? I guess the sage will continue, and I will continue to pour out my feelings.