In today’s society, we sometimes look at others for external validation. Whether that validation is about our outfit of the day, Instagram posts, who we date, or bigger life decisions such as moving cities or quitting our jobs. When I first started therapy, I never noticed how often I was looking for outside validation from someone else that I was on the right “path” in my life. Once I started to really look within and understand my self-sabotaging behaviors, I started questioning my thoughts, and one phrase I repeated to myself often: “How is someone else supposed to know that I’m doing the right thing for me? The only person that can validate that I’m on the right path is myself.” I still catch myself with self-doubting thoughts, but for a really long time, I was at a point in my life where I couldn’t trust myself to make decisions, big or small.
“When I lose the weight, then I’ll take a cute Instagram picture.” “When I lose the wait, I’ll get this dress.” “When I lose the weight, then I’ll make a blog page and take pictures to promote it.” “When I lose the weight, then I’ll go talk to that cute guy I see all the time” “When I lose the weight…”
How can one person that you put on this pedestal just let you down? How could one person that you “loved” so much end up hurting you so badly? Manipulative relationships could be the hardest thing to get over, but I don’t regret mine at all. He is the one person that I am so happy I met, but I never want him in my life again. He taught me everything about relationships. He was my first real boyfriend. The first real person to truly show an interest in me, and I held onto that because I thought that I would never find someone else that is romantically interested in me. However, I slowly started to learn (with the help of an amazing therapist and support system) that I do I deserve better than some boy yelling at me, calling me a bitch, and giving me the silent treatment.
I was always an active child. I think growing up I tried every single sport that a kid can possibly do. Only two actually stuck: softball and volleyball. If I wasn’t at volleyball practice, I was at a softball game or supporting my brother with his sports. Sports and being active just ran in my family, and I’m so grateful that this healthy lifestyle was ingrained in my head at a young age. I do like working out. I just have a weird relationship with it.
As someone who floats between a size 12, 14, or 16, I constantly find it so difficult to shop for clothing. I look at clothes at popular stores and only see it going up to size 10 or having a bunch of XS and no XL. I'm going to go ahead and just call these stores out... Francescas, Forever 21, H&M, Urban Outfitters... just to name a few. I went shopping because, well, I need cute clothes... who doesn't!? But this last shopping experience got me really thinking... why isn't there more of a conversation about these stores not supporting women larger than a size 10?!
As a human being, I struggle with the way my body looks. I can confidently say that every single human being (males and females) struggles with this concept. It is literally engrained in our minds at a young age that we all need to be thinner, toner, and tanner in order to be better. That is just society, social media, and celebrities in today’s society, and I feel as though it's just getting worse and worse with Instagram models blowing up your news feed.