just a girl trying to figure it all out...
I love writing about topics that are meant for self-exploration and reflection. My goal is to raise my own confidence and the confidence of other people in order to live in a beautiful, loving world
What are you leaving behind in 2019? As we enter this new decade, I feel a different type of energy coming through. This dope new “I got this” energy. The energy is hard to explain but let me just say I’ve been feeling myself lately. The transition into a new year is a great time for self-reflection and how you want this upcoming year to be different than your last.
Single During the Holidays
What is it about this time of year specifically that single people just feel worse about themselves? What is it about the holiday season that makes people feel like they have to justify not being in a couple? Why isn’t it just sufficient to be alone during this season? It’s really difficult to understand the thought process of single people during this time. The most important thing to understand is how being single during the holidays can shake someone’s self-esteem and how we can change our mindset to enjoy the present moment.
How to Be Alone
I tend to be an over-planner. I used to make multiple plans for one weekend just to ensure that I never had downtime or stayed in on Saturday night. I would often tell myself that “I am a loser” if I spend a Saturday night watching Netflix alone. I’d rather have anyone to spend time with someone, versus time alone. This was really intimidating and would cause a lot of anxiety.
What Is Self-Care?
Everyone says it, “Oh, I’ll have a “treat yo’self day” or “I’m going to practice self-care and buy myself this…” That is always our justification to spend large amounts of money at Target or Lush. I literally walked out of Lush with three bath bombs and minus 50 dollars in my bank account... smh. These stores are literally making millions for overcharging “self-love items,” while the rest of us go broke!
Overcoming the Fear of Being Alone
When I look back on friendships and relationships that are not in my life anymore, I start to notice the signs and reasons why we had to go our separate ways. Throughout my life, I have had friends come and go and really question my self-worth. When numerous people who meant so much, leave, it does make you question their intentions in the relationship. The biggest thing I learnt within these friendships is when someone leaves you it does not reflect poorly on you, but that is what they had to do in the moment to survive. Another big thing I learned is that I have a hard time letting go of friendships that are not servicing me anymore. In particular, I’ve had a really good friend, completely ghost me and I’ve also had friends that I’ve had to distance myself from.
Loving Your Talents
I don’t think there’s one genre of music that I don’t enjoy. When I look back on my life, I truly have been in every genre. I grew up on rock. I’ve always been really appreciative towards my mom who introduced me to legendary rockers, and when I hear their music now, I instantly go back to me as a little girl. Then in middle school and high school, I started loving musical theatre songs, but still listening to alternative and pop music. In college I listened to country and hip-hop. After college and now, I tend to gravitate towards female rappers and jazz music. It’s just so interesting to see my evolution within genres. There’s genres I prefer over others. But I appreciate all musicians putting their form of art out there. I love music. I grew up around it all my life and love discovering new music and re-discovering my old music.
The Need for Constant Validation
In today’s society, we sometimes look at others for external validation. Whether that validation is about our outfit of the day, Instagram posts, who we date, or bigger life decisions such as moving cities or quitting our jobs. When I first started therapy, I never noticed how often I was looking for outside validation from someone else that I was on the right “path” in my life. Once I started to really look within and understand my self-sabotaging behaviors, I started questioning my thoughts, and one phrase I repeated to myself often: “How is someone else supposed to know that I’m doing the right thing for me? The only person that can validate that I’m on the right path is myself.” I still catch myself with self-doubting thoughts, but for a really long time, I was at a point in my life where I couldn’t trust myself to make decisions, big or small.
When I Lose the Weight...
“When I lose the weight, then I’ll take a cute Instagram picture.” “When I lose the wait, I’ll get this dress.” “When I lose the weight, then I’ll make a blog page and take pictures to promote it.” “When I lose the weight, then I’ll go talk to that cute guy I see all the time” “When I lose the weight…”
Surviving Toxic Relationships
How can one person that you put on this pedestal just let you down? How could one person that you “loved” so much end up hurting you so badly? Manipulative relationships could be the hardest thing to get over, but I don’t regret mine at all. He is the one person that I am so happy I met, but I never want him in my life again. He taught me everything about relationships. He was my first real boyfriend. The first real person to truly show an interest in me, and I held onto that because I thought that I would never find someone else that is romantically interested in me. However, I slowly started to learn (with the help of an amazing therapist and support system) that I do I deserve better than some boy yelling at me, calling me a bitch, and giving me the silent treatment.
The Gym: Embracing My Love/Hate Relationship
I was always an active child. I think growing up I tried every single sport that a kid can possibly do. Only two actually stuck: softball and volleyball. If I wasn’t at volleyball practice, I was at a softball game or supporting my brother with his sports. Sports and being active just ran in my family, and I’m so grateful that this healthy lifestyle was ingrained in my head at a young age. I do like working out. I just have a weird relationship with it.
As someone who floats between a size 12, 14, or 16, I constantly find it so difficult to shop for clothing. I look at clothes at popular stores and only see it going up to size 10 or having a bunch of XS and no XL. I'm going to go ahead and just call these stores out... Francescas, Forever 21, H&M, Urban Outfitters... just to name a few. I went shopping because, well, I need cute clothes... who doesn't!? But this last shopping experience got me really thinking... why isn't there more of a conversation about these stores not supporting women larger than a size 10?!
The Perfect Body
As a human being, I struggle with the way my body looks. I can confidently say that every single human being (males and females) struggles with this concept. It is literally engrained in our minds at a young age that we all need to be thinner, toner, and tanner in order to be better. That is just society, social media, and celebrities in today’s society, and I feel as though it's just getting worse and worse with Instagram models blowing up your news feed.