Everyone says it, “Oh, I’ll have a “treat yo’self day” or “I’m going to practice self-care and buy myself this…” That is always our justification to spend large amounts of money at Target or Lush. I literally walked out of Lush with three bath bombs and minus 50 dollars in my bank account... smh. These stores are literally making millions for overcharging “self-love items,” while the rest of us go broke!
When I look back on friendships and relationships that are not in my life anymore, I start to notice the signs and reasons why we had to go our separate ways. Throughout my life, I have had friends come and go and really question my self-worth. When numerous people who meant so much, leave, it does make you question their intentions in the relationship. The biggest thing I learnt within these friendships is when someone leaves you it does not reflect poorly on you, but that is what they had to do in the moment to survive. Another big thing I learned is that I have a hard time letting go of friendships that are not servicing me anymore. In particular, I’ve had a really good friend, completely ghost me and I’ve also had friends that I’ve had to distance myself from.
I don’t think there’s one genre of music that I don’t enjoy. When I look back on my life, I truly have been in every genre. I grew up on rock. I’ve always been really appreciative towards my mom who introduced me to legendary rockers, and when I hear their music now, I instantly go back to me as a little girl. Then in middle school and high school, I started loving musical theatre songs, but still listening to alternative and pop music. In college I listened to country and hip-hop. After college and now, I tend to gravitate towards female rappers and jazz music. It’s just so interesting to see my evolution within genres. There’s genres I prefer over others. But I appreciate all musicians putting their form of art out there. I love music. I grew up around it all my life and love discovering new music and re-discovering my old music.
In today’s society, we sometimes look at others for external validation. Whether that validation is about our outfit of the day, Instagram posts, who we date, or bigger life decisions such as moving cities or quitting our jobs. When I first started therapy, I never noticed how often I was looking for outside validation from someone else that I was on the right “path” in my life. Once I started to really look within and understand my self-sabotaging behaviors, I started questioning my thoughts, and one phrase I repeated to myself often: “How is someone else supposed to know that I’m doing the right thing for me? The only person that can validate that I’m on the right path is myself.” I still catch myself with self-doubting thoughts, but for a really long time, I was at a point in my life where I couldn’t trust myself to make decisions, big or small.
“When I lose the weight, then I’ll take a cute Instagram picture.” “When I lose the wait, I’ll get this dress.” “When I lose the weight, then I’ll make a blog page and take pictures to promote it.” “When I lose the weight, then I’ll go talk to that cute guy I see all the time” “When I lose the weight…”
How can one person that you put on this pedestal just let you down? How could one person that you “loved” so much end up hurting you so badly? Manipulative relationships could be the hardest thing to get over, but I don’t regret mine at all. He is the one person that I am so happy I met, but I never want him in my life again. He taught me everything about relationships. He was my first real boyfriend. The first real person to truly show an interest in me, and I held onto that because I thought that I would never find someone else that is romantically interested in me. However, I slowly started to learn (with the help of an amazing therapist and support system) that I do I deserve better than some boy yelling at me, calling me a bitch, and giving me the silent treatment.