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Single During the Holidays

by MarisaKaye 2 years ago in single
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Why is this time of year the most shameful to be single?

What is it about this time of year specifically that single people just feel worse about themselves? What is it about the holiday season that makes people feel like they have to justify not being in a couple? Why isn’t it just sufficient to be alone during this season? It’s really difficult to understand the thought process of single people during this time. The most important thing to understand is how being single during the holidays can shake someone’s self-esteem and how we can change our mindset to enjoy the present moment.

I feel like a cliche just saying this but the YOURSELF! It’s okay to be single and to have moments of doubt and loneliness, that is completely normal. But it’s a lot easier to say than to do, especially when your family or friends in relationships tell you, “it’s no big deal, embrace being single!” The truth, this time of the year is hard for singles. This is the first year I’m single for the first time in four years for the holidays. I’ve always had a good morning text to wake up to on Christmas. It might have not been “the one” I was dating, but I was always dating someone or at least was interested in another person during this time.

This year is different. I am truly single with no intention of finding someone that I am interested in dating this season and I will be honest it has been hard. It’s hard seeing friends and family with their significant other and questioning why can’t that be you. It’s hard any time of the year, but it’s especially difficult during the holidays always being the single one in the family, at the Christmas party with friends, or just have no dates on Saturday night during the most romantic time of the year.

It’s very easy for my anxiety to come up during these times. I find if I don’t make a practice of doing my self-care routines, I get into a self-sabotaging thought process. I, like many other single men and women, start questioning one’s self-worth. “Because I am single during the holidays, that must mean that I am a loser, unable to get a boyfriend, and therefore, something is wrong with me,” is just one of the cycles that my mind goes through when I am in long periods of time being single. Being in therapy has helped me to question each and every one of these cycling thoughts.

It has helped to step back when I am getting these thoughts, and question it. It has also helped me to realize that I have so much more in life than a boyfriend. I have a family, great friends, an amazing career in an amazing city that I take for granted when I get myself in this “I’m nothing without a boy” mentality.

Just in case you need more support.....

The truth’s hard being single during the holidays and I am here to completely validate you, those feelings are completely valid. It’s okay to validate your own feelings as well. Instead of shoving feelings down and not dealing with it, invite them in and start questioning your thoughts. Not from a judgment standpoint but validate that it is completely okay that you are going through this difficult time. But do not let it define you. Instead of focusing on what you lack this season, try really hard to remember what you do have. Make a gratitude list. Spend time with family or friends. Be grateful that you are single instead of in an abusive and toxic relationship.

Because who knows? This might be your last holiday season single, so enjoy it.


About the author


just a girl trying to figure it all out...

I love writing about topics that are meant for self-exploration and reflection. My goal is to raise my own confidence and the confidence of other people in order to live in a beautiful, loving world

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