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Overcoming the Fear of Being Alone

by MarisaKaye 3 years ago in friendship
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Going through toxic friendships and relationships give you the strength to know that you are enough completely alone.

When I look back on friendships and relationships that are not in my life anymore, I start to notice the signs and reasons why we had to go our separate ways. Throughout my life, I have had friends come and go and really question my self-worth. When numerous people who meant so much, leave, it does make you question their intentions in the relationship. The biggest thing I learnt within these friendships is when someone leaves you it does not reflect poorly on you, but that is what they had to do in the moment to survive. Another big thing I learned is that I have a hard time letting go of friendships that are not servicing me anymore. In particular, I’ve had a really good friend, completely ghost me and I’ve also had friends that I’ve had to distance myself from.

“I must undertake to love myself and to respect myself as though my very life depends upon self-love and self-respect.”

-Maya Angelou

When I think of a friend now, I think of someone who unconditionally loves me and supports me. However, this was not always the case. I think I stuck around in friendships that were no longer serving me because of the deep rooted fear of being alone. I’d rather have any friends that made me feel bad about myself, then none at all.

When I was ghosted by a really good friend at that point in my life, I questioned my entire self-worth. I knew prior to the ghosting we weren’t good for each other anymore, but instead of having an adult conversation with him, I decided to latch on, because I was so worried of being alone and rejected. We both weren't in a great place during that point and both did not have the necessary tools to communicate effectively. When he stopped answering my calls, it was implanted in my head that I was not even worth a goodbye or worthy of a good friend and I am the problem. During this time, I was in a really bad place. I was living alone in a city I didn’t necessarily love and away from my family, living alone in my apartment for the first ever, and getting too attached to the wrong people because my self-esteem was so low.

When you go through hard times in life, true friends come out. The real ones stay and the fake ones suddenly leave. A logical person can look at the ghosting situation and understand this person is not equipped to handle stressful situations and communicate effectively. However, as an emotional person who was in a very low place to begin with, I thought this was an attack on my self-worth and just another reminder that I am not worthy of good people in my life. From that thought process, my self-esteem was shot.

The Healing Process...

Throughout this time, I had a really amazing friend and cousin that was there for me when no one else was and I will forever be grateful that they were there during this point. Therapy, amazing friends and family, and doing more of what I love has helped get back to my authentic self. I’ll be the first one to admit I was completely lost, but so grateful for the ones who stayed and brought me back.

Overcoming the fear of being alone and removing people that are not on your vibrational level is the hardest thing to do in order to heal. I still really love the people who have left and appreciate all that they helped me learn. When I moved to Chicago, I was so excited for a new start but the fear of being alone in this big city is something I have to fight through daily and continue to reassure that I am enough completely alone.

Now I spend more time alone than I ever have in the past. Some might say that is sad, but I love my alone time. This allows me to re-charge, meditate often, self-reflect, and get to know myself better. There are times I tell myself I need more friends or I need to go out on a Saturday night or else I’m a loser. But it’s so much easier now to get myself out of that mindset and back in a grateful and positive mind. I get to be by myself everyday, and for that I’m grateful because I’m really starting to love myself.

friendship

About the author

MarisaKaye

just a girl trying to figure it all out...

I love writing about topics that are meant for self-exploration and reflection. My goal is to raise my own confidence and the confidence of other people in order to live in a beautiful, loving world

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