I've hated life since I could possibly remember, mostly because I had shitty parents as a child but also because I've realized this world is full of hateful people. I come from a real crappy upbringing and I know that's no excuse to act the way I do but you try living with abuse and craziness every day. They say you can't use your childhood as a crutch but there's no way around it. Your childhood is what shapes you. It's what makes you who you are. I had to learn at a young age to not cry, to walk on eggshells around my bipolar mother. I had to give up my childhood and become an adult fast. At the age of 10, I was cooking and cleaning and doing everything humanly possible to avoid pissing my mother off so I wouldn't get beat.
Stalking Your Ex
I'm almost positive everyone has stalked a lover at some point in their life and if you haven't I give props to you for having such strong will power. My friends and I make an adventure out of it, we plan it out in detail although it never goes as we planned it still ends up quite fun.
I'm Good at Running Away
I've always been really good at running away. I hate staying in one place for too long. I get super bored with where I live or how I'm living, so I have the urge to change things, but instead of rearranging my living room I just up and move to an entirely new place. I get this from my mom because we moved every year to a new house. We never stayed in one place more than a year and I have no idea why, but because of this I tend to do the same thing with my own life.
Friendship is the weirdest thing ever, you pick a person and you bring them into your life, share all your deepest darkest secrets with them and treat them better than you treat your own family. It's a strange thing but it's also a much-needed thing for human survival. Socializing is good for your psyche and your soul. You get to vent and complain about your life without being judged. You get to go on adventures and do silly random things with someone who is exactly like you so there's no awkwardness. Friendship is much needed to get through this crazy wild ride of life.
Not a Love Letter
Everyone anticipates a love story and the beauty of how it's created but nobody ever wants to hear the heartache that comes along with it. Sometimes love stories don't have happy endings. Sometimes those good moments are just that, moments but it's not always forever. Sometimes forever only last a few years or months or even days. Your forever may not be the same as my forever and in my case, forever is always a short amount of time.
No longer feeling. No longer caring. Just an empty vessel. Moving through life without thinking. No longer reacting. No longer responding.
The ways I fall
I fall for all the wrong things. I fall just like normal people do on a daily basis. I see ads and magazine covers and I'm intrigued by what's in front of me so I go after it and constantly think about it until it drives me insane so I have to buy it. I fall for the gimmicks and tricks advertisement agencies come up with to reel us in and get us to buy their products or invest in their companies.
It's so difficult to explain, doesn't matter how much a person wants to understand you they just don't quite get it. I watched my mom suffer from it, she freaked me out and I would constantly yell at her to take her meds, I always thought that was the answer to everything. Pop one pill and she would go back to functioning like a normal "sane" person.