LeAnn Murch
Bio
Stories (39/0)
The Pain You Caused
I've felt pain most of my life. From being abused as a child to never feeling loved by anyone. I've been bullied and beaten, scared and traumatized but nothing compares to the hurt you caused me. I feel like every part of my body aches, my heart beats too fast and it hurts like knives are stabbing it from 10 different directions. My stomach is in knots and the thought of eating just sends me running to the bathroom. My throat is dry so I can't get a single word out without my voice cracking like shattered glass. With every breath I take tears roll down my face and I can't stop them, they just pour out like a leaky sink. The more I try not to think of you the more I do and the more I'm reminded I'm not wanted.
By LeAnn Murch8 months ago in Psyche
Suicide, Not an Answer
I've thought about suicide more times than I can count and I've attempted it several times. Obviously I've never been successful with it but doesn't change the feeling I have of not wanting to be here anymore. I don't believe in an afterlife or religion, for that matter. I was raised by the Bible and went to church every Sunday. But traumatic events have opened my eyes that there's no such thing as God or an afterlife.
By LeAnn Murch8 months ago in Psyche
Dating
Oh how exciting it is to date in 2018 you don't even have to know a guys name to get a picture of his junk! Go on a date? Heck no, instead we Netflix and chill and by "chill" they mean go straight to sex while a movie plays in the background to cover up the awkward noises your body makes during intercourse.
By LeAnn Murch8 months ago in Humans
Being a Woman
Being a woman sucks, plain and fucking simple. Times have changed but not enough. Women are still the minority in this world. It goes men, children, the elderly, animals and then women. We come fucking last always, no matter what. This world is cruel and not made to have women in power.
By LeAnn Murch8 months ago in Viva
Social Introvert
Being a social introvert is where you desperately want to socialize and go out and be around lots of people but having crippling anxiety. It takes a lot of energy just to attend a social event so once you've gone out and socialized you need a couple weeks to recover. I'm constantly being told "oh but you're not shy." I've never said I'm shy, it just takes a lot of energy to interact with another person.
By LeAnn Murch8 months ago in Journal
Turning 30
I honestly never thought this day would come. I haven't quite imagined how my life would be up to this point. I guess I always figured I'd have my shit together and I would "feel" like an adult. But that is far from the reality. In fact I feel more like a child than I've ever felt before. As a kid I had tons of responsibilities and I was always on top of them. I always got my homework assignments done, I made sure my chores were always done before even being asked. I knew how to cook and do my own laundry at a young age. In high school I had a job and even paid my own phone bill and bought all my own clothes and school supplies. I was quite grown up if you ask me but now as an adult pushing 30 I've suddenly turned into a child needing their mommy to help them through this thing we all call life.
By LeAnn Murch8 months ago in Journal
Missing you
It's been a minute since I wrote, not knowing how to cope, dealing with the pain of losing you, trying to accept that you're gone feels so untrue. Lost in this world without your guidance, not knowing how to sit in silence, my head is spinning, my mind is a mess, all I can think about is the beginning. Laying in bed feeling overwhelmed with stress, missing your touch and the way you held me when I was sad. I'm so thankful for the time we had. It's been 6 years since you passed, I still haven't healed and don't think I ever will. The more time that passes the further away I feel from you. I have very few memories of you. I still remember the way that you sound and how you used to dance around. The lines on your face have started to blur, the smell of your hair has begun to fade, all I want to do is remember how you were. My heart feels as if it was sliced with a blade. This hurt is so real, I never could have imaged losing my mom and my best friend all in one. This pain cut so deep I'll never be able to heal. My life had just begun the moment you left and now all I wanna do is run. Run as far away as possible. Run from this pain, run from this hurt, run until I no longer feel. I just wish none of this was real. I want it to be a dream and eventually I'll wake up and you'll be here and it'll feel so surreal.
By LeAnn Murch8 months ago in Poets
Dear Mom
Our relationship started off super rocky. As a young child, I didn't know who you were and I would fantasy about who you were and what you did for a living. I always wondered what kind of life you had that would make you want to leave me for eight years and not come looking for me. When I finally did get to meet you and moved in with you my dreams were crushed. You were a horrible mother and I regretted ever finding you. I blocked out most of my childhood because it's a lot to take in.
By LeAnn Murch10 months ago in Families
31 years of living
The ups and downs I've faced over 31 years of living. Man the things I've learned and experienced, some people may never believe the things I've been through but they are all so very true. Majority of my childhood is blacked out because it was too painful to relive so I keep it buried deep inside me, I let little glimpses come out for the right people but not too much, just enough to understand me.
By LeAnn Murch10 months ago in Psyche
Love, No Thanks
This is one topic I absolutely hate yet here I am writing about it. Why, must you ask? Well, because I don't quite understand why people choose love in the first place. Don't get me wrong, I know love is a beautiful thing, but the new, so-called love is not good at all. It's just a bunch of lies; it holds no depth whatsoever. It's an empty word, and it's so sad how it's turned from something so beautiful to something so painful and ugly that everyone is afraid of it. I am awfully terrified of falling in love.
By LeAnn Murch10 months ago in Humans
10 beauty hacks and hygiene saviors
As women we are always looking for better ways to take care of ourselves. We enjoy smelling good and feeling clean at all times. But let's face it the daily chores of life get in the way of staying and feeling pretty at all times. I've lived and learned a lot over the years and thought I'd share a few of my secret routines and tricks to help make life just a tad bit easier on us women.
By LeAnn Murch10 months ago in Viva
Just Deal With It
Anytime life gets hard and we feel like giving up there's always someone there to tell us to just deal with it. But why, why the heck should we suffer? Why do people feel the need to tell us to suck it up and just deal with it? Is this really how life is supposed to be? We're just supposed to go through life uncomfortable and just accepting peoples terrible behaviors because we have to pay bills or because we want to hangout with family and friends?
By LeAnn Murch10 months ago in Psyche
