Missing you

It's been a minute since I wrote, not knowing how to cope, dealing with the pain of losing you, trying to accept that you're gone feels so untrue. Lost in this world without your guidance, not knowing how to sit in silence, my head is spinning, my mind is a mess, all I can think about is the beginning. Laying in bed feeling overwhelmed with stress, missing your touch and the way you held me when I was sad. I'm so thankful for the time we had. It's been 6 years since you passed, I still haven't healed and don't think I ever will. The more time that passes the further away I feel from you. I have very few memories of you. I still remember the way that you sound and how you used to dance around. The lines on your face have started to blur, the smell of your hair has begun to fade, all I want to do is remember how you were. My heart feels as if it was sliced with a blade. This hurt is so real, I never could have imaged losing my mom and my best friend all in one. This pain cut so deep I'll never be able to heal. My life had just begun the moment you left and now all I wanna do is run. Run as far away as possible. Run from this pain, run from this hurt, run until I no longer feel. I just wish none of this was real. I want it to be a dream and eventually I'll wake up and you'll be here and it'll feel so surreal.