Unseen Unheard

Feelings arise within me feelings of bitterness when I can't share how I feel so writing how I feel about everything will be shared on this blog, and diaries. The bitter stares of in her eyes, and complaints from the masses like her.

Makes things more easier to have a place in the states while I work towards my goals and wait for my husband's green card to come through. I wish this would come quicker, to work at a receptionist office. This would be so much easier, I want to buy a car, go and come when I please.

I will be renting a bedroom in Akron only having to pay 385.00 I want to save money up for a mini fridge, desk, and chair, and Smart TV, so I can come downstairs to the common room only when I have to. Never done really good meeting new people. With having anxiety and social anxiety I never know what to say.

I prefer being invisible, not being being insulted everyday.

My husband insulted me, I've been sick all day he doesn't see his insults as a bad thing. His mother told us the money we gave for buying the gas we would never see. I told my husband I don't want to give her anymore money. At first he says I'm right not let her give us money. Then he tries to justify her shit by saying it's okay to give her money. I am so livid right now this man pisses me of tries to guilt trip and justify her behavior. I told him I'm not giving her money, I will not do it anymore.

If anyone else treated me this way I would defend myself but he expects me to give my money to her and not care. The only reason I don't say anything because I don't want to piss off my husband. So I just take it, I ask you is this normal.

I am changing my name to Emma and change my middle name to Beth. I can't stand this right now, I want my own identity so I will change my name to Emma Beth Blake Aurelien. This would be my new identity no longer with the surname Curry.

Why is it the only way I can been heard is on paper and on a digital document? Is this in anyway normal? I don't know anymore, I know who I am I know I don't have to take it. I just wish he would fight me for once without feeling betrayed when he would take her side.

"Ignore her Emmie, do it as I do."

I want to scream saying, "But I don't want to ignore this, I want my husband to fight for me say it's unacceptable for you to speak to my wife like this." It makes me wonder if he actually feels this way about me. How am I supposed to think?

My husband says he doesn't care what she thinks, yet he does. And lets her speak bad about sometimes without me speaking up for myself. I put my headphones in and watch my favorite movies or write ignoring the world around me. When I cry on the inside and keep my feelings inside while venting in my diary, and blogs.

Thank you for reading please leave a tip for me it will go into my fund for going back to the states to get my life in order and my husband by my side. I hope he is happy there I know this is a weird request but I hope for the best.