The Simplest Way To Start Self-Love

Self-love is so important for overall mental and physical health. Much psychology research has shown that people with high self-esteem are more likely to be happy, healthy, and successful in life. They are also more likely to have strong relationships and make good choices. Not surprisingly, lacking self-love can have dire consequences for the individual, as revealed by a 2019 study by the University of California, which found that 80% of people experience low self-esteem at some point in their lives. Yet another study, published in the journal "Self and Identity" in 2020, found that people with low self-esteem are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and other health concerns.

In fact, not loving the self can have a number of negative consequences on some individuals, including:

• Mental health problems, which are triggered and maintained by a tendency to have negative thoughts about themselves and their abilities.
• Physical health problems, like strokes and heart attacks, because people who lack self-love are more likely to engage in unhealthy activities, such as overeating, substance abuse, and risky sexual behavior.
• Unsatisfying relationships, especially difficulty forming and maintaining healthy interactions with others. Such individuals are more likely to be attracted to people who are not good for them, and to tolerate unhealthy behaviour in their relationships.
• Unfulfilling careers, as they are less likely to pursue their goals and dreams. They don't believe in themselves and their abilities, which makes it difficult for them to achieve their desires.
• Low self-confidence, which can prevent them taking risks, trying new things, and standing up for themselves.

Being prone to such negative factors, how does someone lacking in self-love refrain from judging, and saying, mean things to him/herself, especially when they know they are valued by others?

It is really a sad fact of life, that we tend to focus on negative things about our actions rather than moving past them and giving thanks for the positives we are blessed with. Hence it is no surprise that we would ignore our value to others and beat ourselves up to cope with that singular desire for perfection, and our frustration at not achieving it.

When we have been hurt in life, we have had great disappointments, or our expectations have been dashed, we tend to turn inward and blame ourselves for any feelings of rejection, loss or hurt that might overwhelm us. Additionally, when we find it difficult to move away from that pain, because we are trapped in the past, it is easy to ignore the other positive things that are going on in our lives, as well as the people who care for us.

If you find it hard to love yourself, what does it take for you to recognise your self-worth?

Quite a lot of effort, actually, because it is not an easy thing to do after years of negative living.

Reasons For Self-Loathing

To recognise your self-worth, you need to address your THOUGHTS. Your daily thoughts shape your life. They decide what you will do on every single day when you wake up. Worst still, they keep you in the past or in regret, which only lowers your confidence and reduces your self-esteem by imposing negativity on your psyche. In this way, your thoughts ensure that you seldom feel adequate, confident or satisfied with yourself. If all you have to tell yourself are mean things, what support are you giving yourself to feel better about life? Where is the encouragement, the self-appreciation or value for who you are and what you mean to others? How can they keep loving what you are constantly destroying?

If you tell yourself mean things, that's because you want to be a perfect person (who does not exist!). Every time things do not go as you expect, you beat yourself up because you don’t expect to make mistakes, or anything to go wrong. You alo belittle yourself because you didn't get the perfect outcome you seek, or the attention from the people you care about or admire. In this way, your self-esteem and confidence go even lower, while you take out your anger and frustration on yourself. This results in a daily round of emotional cruelty for company.

Stop those mean thoughts and words today, and ditch the need for perfection. No one can love or like what you reject. If you wish others to treat you well, charity has to begin from inside you. Accept yourself as you are; accept that you have both strengths and weaknesses and not just focus on your perceived flaws. Ask yourself this question every day: Would you treat another person the way you are currently treating yourself?

In fact, here are five simple things to do as routine to help you appreciate yourself more:

1. Try to be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend. Be forgiving of your mistakes - everyone makes them - and celebrate your successes.
2. Accept yourself for who you are, flaws and all. Everyone is different, and that difference comes through the combination of all our facets, good and bad. That's what makes us special.
3. Set realistic goals and expectations. Start very simply in what you want. Achieving the most basic things first will build your confidence for the next stage of your dream. For example, if you wish to write a book, just begin to write random thoughts that come to you. Don't worry about chapters, style or anything that might make you anxious. Just get those thoughts down and they will fall into their own stye and order.
4. Focus on your strengths. What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing? Make time for the things that make you happy and you will begin to feel less tense and more comfortable with yourself.
5. Surround yourself with positive people. Try to share the company of people who support you and make you feel good about yourself. Avoide the naysayers and critics that only drag you down.

No one can thrive or succeed in negativity and meanness. You owe it to your self-esteem and mental wellbeing to jettison the negativity and stop the self-blame. Let past things go and use them as learning experiences. Try to appreciate yourself more and to enjoy each moment. This is not a rehearsal for another life to come, but the only life you have. Your current existence is all that matters. Don’t waste it in negativity, anxiety and regret.

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