Managing Emotions

Emotions are reactions that human beings experience in response to events or situations. The type of emotion a person experiences is determined by the circumstance that triggers the emotion. For instance, a person experiences joy when they receive good news and fear when they are threatened.

Emotions have a strong influence on our daily lives. We make decisions based on whether we are happy, angry, sad, bored, or frustrated. We also choose activities and hobbies based on the emotions they incite. Understanding emotions can help us navigate life with greater ease and stability.

In everyday language, people often use the terms emotions, feelings, and moods interchangeably, but they actually mean different things. Emotions are reactions to stimuli, but feelings are what we experience as a result of emotions.

An emotion is normally quite short-lived, but intense. Emotions are also likely to have a definite and identifiable cause. Feelings are influenced by our perception of the situation, which is why the same emotion can trigger different feelings among people experiencing it.

Is controlling our emotions even possible in the first place?

YES.

There are numerous strategies for regulating our emotions, and one framework to understand these techniques is called the Process Model. Psychologists use this tool to identify where and how to intervene in the process that forms our emotions. That process has four steps: first, we enter a situation, real or imagined, and that draws our attention. Then we evaluate, or appraise, the situation and whether it helps or hinders our goals. Finally, this appraisal leads to a set of changes in how we feel, think, and behave, known as an emotional response. Each step of this process offers an opportunity to consciously intervene and change our emotions, and the Process Model outlines what strategies we might try at each phase. If none of these strategies work, you can always try tempering your emotional response after the fact. But this can be tricky. Many of the easiest ways to do this, like hiding your emotions or trying to change them with recreational drugs, generally lead to more negative feelings and health concerns in the long term.

More sustainable strategies here include going for a long walk, taking slow, deep breaths, or talking with someone in your support system. While using all these strategies well takes practice, learning to notice your emotions and reflect on where they’re coming from is half the battle. And once you’ve truly internalized that you can regulate your emotions, doing so becomes much easier.

It's tempting to think we should always try to avoid sadness and frustration, but no emotion is inherently good or bad— they’re either helpful or unhelpful depending on the situation. For example, if a friend is telling you about the loss of a loved one, feeling and expressing sadness isn’t just appropriate, it can help you empathize and support them. Conversely, while it’s unhealthy to regularly ignore your emotions, forcing a smile to get through a one-time annoyance is perfectly reasonable.

We hear a lot of mixed messages about emotions. Some pressure us to stay upbeat while others tell us to simply take our emotions as they come. But in reality, each person has to find their own balance. Studies suggest that people fixated on happiness often experience secondary negative emotions, like guilt, or frustration over being upset, and disappointment that they don't feel happier. This doesn't mean you should let sadness or anger take over. But strategies like reappraisal can help you re-evaluate your thoughts about a situation, allowing you to accept that you feel sad and cultivate hope that things will get better.