Letter to the Editor

Hi, most people know me better as my online alias and pen name: The Schizophrenic Mom. I had no intention of writing this to my hometown paper as I appreciate my anonymity online – and the freedom I have to talk about my disability without fear of retribution. However, part of my goal is to educate people and I see a big education gap in the rural midwest.

I have what is known as an invisible disability; because, if you merely looked at me, it wouldn’t be obvious that I have schizophrenia. But, when you look closer, and get to know me better, some things just don’t add up.

• I lack the common emotional responses on my face (especially if I am afraid).
• I can show disorganized thought patterns and speaking difficulties.
• I struggle with downright inappropriate emotional responses – like laughing when this painful letter is being written, because it seems so ridiculous to me to have to fight for my federal rights.
• I struggle with appearing childlike, thinking too rationally (like a child would), and taking things very literally.
• Also, if you know me well enough to get me to talk about them: I see and hear things that I know aren’t real – yet, just in case I am wrong, I also have rules about harming people with them.

Since I moved to the area in late 2014, I can name several interactions a year that, until recently, I thought was just people being mean. I could not comprehend the idea of “midwest nice” because I hadn’t experienced it from very many people. Recently, I have had to come to grips with the idea that I have been a victim of discrimination... and that really no one knows what to do. I hate the word “victim” because it makes me feel powerless. But…

• I have had my power of speech torn from me by the Mayor himself.
• I have had my physical freedom torn from me once (and threatened on multiple occasions by a law enforcement officer who believed that he would be doing the community a great service to have me institutionalized).
• I have had my freedom of getting legally accurate and easily accessible answers torn from me by the city council and the city attorney.
• I have had my freedom of presenting complaints to city council members and other city personnel taken from me by the city administrator.
• And now? My right to a service animal is being threatened.

I spent the last 2 years searching, training, saving my pennies, and working my butt off to get a service animal. I checked laws: federally, statewide, and locally before I said yes to my new service animal, Aurora. Aurora makes people think because she is not a dog.

In 2010, the ADA made a new accommodation for miniature service horses. Aurora meets the federal requirements and is trained to assist me with specific tasks that help negate the negative side effects of my disability. These tasks are not limited to, but do include:

• keeping me on schedule/task with vocal prompts (from her) and physically touching me so that I don’t get lost in my mind
• to aid in stability when I am having balance issues due to negative medication side effects
• to take me back to a known place if I panic and get lost
• and, to alert me when I need to take medication.

She also helps me navigate my special need child’s needs in various ways to help me relax regarding his safety.

The local ordinances have a rule against horses as they are farm animals. However, due to having to meet pesky federal and statewide laws, there is an exemption for Aurora. Nowhere has it been shown to me, nor have I found a law that states that I have to request an exemption from anyone.

So, I didn’t let anyone, other than friends and family, know about Aurora as she was in my own home (so I didn’t even have to notify my landlord as I am the owner of my own property) and privacy fenced-in yard. Once Aurora and I had bonded and trained together long enough, we were planning on appearing in public. However, before that big date came, someone complained to the city office.

The city office responded by sending an officer to my residence to let me know that I had to file a doctor’s note with the city in order to have a horse be my emotional support animal and get special permission. I responded that she was a miniature SERVICE horse and that should have been the end of it.

According to the ADA, the only questions that can be asked by the staff of a business are: 1. is the animal required because of a disability and 2. what tasks is it trained to perform?

I was not asked either – not that it mattered as she was on private property. When it was finally relayed to the city attorney, I got a notice back that I still have to “request an accommodation” with the city in order to be allowed to have my service animal stay with me.

Needless to say, I was upset, hurt, and offended. Since I had no interest in making a huge scene, I responded appropriately with the necessary laws as well as the questions and answers that they could ask once I started taking Aurora in public to avoid the drama and harassment that I had already experienced with my service dog in the past. Since they had told me that they had to make a special “accommodation” for her, I also specified that I wanted it in writing within 2 weeks' time. The Sheriff’s office was very reassuring to me that they would not be removing her without legal paperwork filed with the court that I could then fight. I was committing no crime and I could start working with her in public.

Aurora has done spectacularly!

Then, I got another heartbreaking call. One of my much-needed service providers let me know that until the city came to a decision, they were advised to not meet with me with Aurora present. This has been reported to the Human Resources discrimination department and I am trying to hope for a positive outcome. My only request was that Aurora could continue doing her job and a simple apology from the person who advised my worker against seeing me with Aurora pending the city’s response. But this does need to be addressed in our community.

I am slightly relieved to say that the city did end up acknowledging that Aurora is a miniature service horse, although the letter was obviously written in a rush and delivered at the very last minute on the very last day of the 2 weeks I gave them (the assistance in communicating was greatly appreciated Sheriff!). Not to mention the lawyer still misquoted the city's own ordinance. Due to prior experiences, I have no doubt that the original plan was to ignore the law, ignore my request to their demand, and plan just ignoring the problem (me) until it went away. Because that has happened before and I let it because I was terrified of speaking out, of putting a target on my back, and of putting my children in harm's way. I am forever grateful to those who made calls, asked questions, suggested resources, were welcoming to Aurora, and provided moral support over the past few weeks. People like you are the definition of "midwest nice."

I am relieved that I don't have to keep fighting one battle, but I will have to keep fighting the war that I am hoping, by my fighting, will mean the next person doesn't have to. It was an exhausting and mentally devastating occurrence that should have never happened. A service animal takes hours of person-to-animal training and costs thousands of dollars after having hours of other training completed - and then the mental agony inflicted with the terror that the city could break federal law and state law by forcibly taking her from me? Because most of you do not know what that is like, I want to try to explain: I have to be medicated to sleep when in that much terror because if I don't sleep, I end up needing to hire other's to care for my children because my symptoms take over; however, if I am medicated enough to sleep, I have to hire someone to care for my children because I can't wake up. So, no matter what? My whole life, my kid's whole lives, and my extended family's and friend's lives were upended for weeks due to this upheaval - and it will take weeks more to get back on track. A poorly written letter meshed together at the last minute finally acknowledging the rights that I had to spell out to the city's attorney in an unfair and unjust series of encounters seems wholly inadequate.

People with invisible disabilities deserve to live alongside others with dignity. Just because my assistance device has fur, doesn’t mean that I should be denied the right to take her anywhere a wheelchair is allowed access (because, yes, she is about the same size as me sitting in a wheelchair!). Just because I am disabled doesn’t mean that I should be denied the rights given to everyone in the U.S. Constitution: peace, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It breaks my heart to know that in this town, my rights don’t mean anything – regular people I can kinda understand, but a lot of these officials that have been against my rights fought in our armed services to uphold and protect these rights. How can they live with themselves knowing what they have done? Maybe they think that I don’t have to relive these moments day after day, night after night... or maybe, because I am disabled, it just means that I, and others like me, have to continue living in fear of ever leaving our homes due to the negative responses that neurotypical people – especially those on a power trip – throw at us with no regard of the intense damage it causes our psyche.

I want change. And an apology would be nice as well.