What is "Sober Curiosity"?

If you’ve ever thought about your relationship with alcohol, this post is for you!

I can recall many years feeling that alcohol was an important part of social gatherings and a widely accepted way to “deal” with the stressors of life. And I remember making the decision to remove alcohol for my sport, knowing the science behind alcohol impacting performance, and later thinking - “wow, this is actually… really good for me?”

We live in a world where “happy hour” is a professional ritual, where "Mommy Wine Culture" is a retail category, and every celebration from weddings to promotions are punctuated by a cork popping. The act of not drinking often feels like a radical rebellion, or gets heads turning - especially if you’re like me and your avoidance of alcohol also lined up with a fertility journey (no, Grandma, I’m not avoiding wine at Easter because I’m pregnant but I would certainly like to be). And the messaging around alcohol has always followed this strange binary - you either “drink” like a normal person (which is whenever it’s offered and for any reason) or your drinking automatically is problematic and you need to stop entirely. We’re just leaving people feeling confused!

But change is starting to blur these lines and carve out a middle ground that doesn’t require a “rock bottom” or a lifestyle overhaul. It’s called “sober curiosity”.

Coined by author Ruby Warrington, "Sober Curious" describes the act of questioning your relationship with alcohol and choosing to experiment with a lifestyle that involves less of it (or none at all) without necessarily committing to permanent sobriety. It’s not about "quitting", it’s about investigating.

The biggest difference between traditional sobriety and sober curiosity lies in the starting point. Traditional recovery from alcoholism is often a life-saving necessity driven by dependency - it’s not safe to have alcohol in your life and complete avoidance is non-negotiable. Sober curiosity, however, is rooted in observation and mindfulness. A sober-curious person might ask themselves, “what purpose does my end of day wine have for me? Is this drink helping my mood or hurting it? What would my weekend look like if I wasn’t hungover, or drinking?”

There is no all-or-nothing pressure in sober curiosity. The movement invites you to observe how alcohol affects you, from your sleep, to your skin, digestion, your mood and even your bank account and relationships. Instead of aiming for complete abstinence, it’s a personal research project. And for some folks, it’s their first step to eliminating it or pursuing abstinence when traditional pathways have left them feeling ashamed or unsupported.

In my own sober curious journey, I learned that alcohol was a way for me to feel like I was participating in gatherings with friends and family - everyone else is having a glass! And I learned that much of my interest in alcohol (and explained why I was often overconsuming) was in trying new flavours and types - I was learning the types of wines I really enjoyed with certain meals, experimenting with the flavoured mixed drinks that looked so fun and unique, and found out about cultural beverages I had never heard of before but wanted to try like soju and sake. Alcohol was making it hard for me to sleep and perform in my sport, but I still wanted connection and satisfaction meaning I had other work and exploring to do.

Most of the popularity of the sober curious movement comes from our growing awareness of how alcohol interacts with our biology. Alcohol disrupts the way bodies function and in an era of trying to promote best wellness, it just doesn’t fit. 

While a "nightcap" might help you fall asleep faster, alcohol prevents you from entering deep REM sleep and hinders memory development, mood processing and true relaxation. Sober-curious individuals often report that the highlight of their experiment is the sudden return of vivid dreams and actual morning energy. There’s a perk in not waking up unwell too.

While many people report feeling energetic and excited when they drink, alcohol is a depressant that triggers a rebound effect. As the drink wears off, the brain spikes cortisol and adrenaline to compensate, leading to "hangxiety"... that localized feeling of dread the morning after. Talk about Sunday scaries on acid.

We now also know that alcohol disrupts the delicate microbiome of the gut, which is where 95% of our serotonin is produced. And the digestive upset that can follow alcohol consumption can be a big issue for those struggling with gut conditions like IBS, or inflammatory conditions such as endometriosis. For many, sober curiosity is a path to better mental health and digestion that isn’t painful or problematic.

One of the biggest hurdles to drinking less has always been the social stigma - being the person not drinking used to mean sipping a lukewarm Diet Coke while everyone else enjoyed a craft cocktail, or being labeled the “wet blanket” at a party. You’re sober and watching everyone look like they’re having such a fun time (although, I will say that watching others drink to excess and behave erratically has confirmed more and more that alcohol does not make the fun of a party).

And we can’t ignore the glow-up that the beverage industry has had in response to sober curiosity. Non-alcoholic drinks were not appealing in any way, shape or form for a long time, making it even harder to not participate in drinking alcohol. Non-alcoholic (NA) spirits, botanical elixirs, and zero-proof beers are crafted with the same complexity as their boozy counterparts - and actually taste good! Choosing a "Phony Negroni" or a "No-Lo" IPA is no longer a loss, it’s a cultivated and intentional lifestyle choice that still feels authentic. It’s been one of my favourite parts of planning special events now, selecting a non-alcoholic drink to bring with me and feel like I get the flavour and fun I’ve truly been looking for, without the side effects.

If you’re feeling curious, you don't need to wait for Dry January or Sober October. Try only drinking while out with friends and eliminating drinks at home, and pair with food to keep digestion and liver function moving. When you’re out, commit to having a few glasses of water or something non-alcoholic (bonus points for fun mocktails!) first before your first drink with alcohol. And at your next party, stay sober for the first couple hours and watch how the energy shifts - when does the party stop feeling like fun and more like a freight train to trouble?

Sober curiosity also means checking in when you are partaking! I had three mixed drinks at a recent wedding (I’ve learned that I love a simple gin and tonic on ice) and refilled my water glass at least twice in between each drink. Every time I thought about heading up to the open bar, I remembered that I didn’t want to feel unwell the next day and was already having such a great time dancing that anymore alcohol might ruin my vibe and make me feel out of touch with my body.

Critics of the movement argue that sober curiosity is just a trendy way for the wellness-obsessed to talk about drinking and potentially even be a way to participate in diet culture (by restricting something and positioning it as the ideal and pure choice). And they don’t come from a place of complete ignorance - intention is everything. If someone is avoiding alcohol because they’re trying to control how their body looks and weighs, it might not be with their best interest in mind. For those who are approaching sober curiosity with true curiosity, it’s about reclaiming agency and how we are taught to consume and even enjoy alcohol. Sober curiosity offers a way to turn down the noise, choosing preference over pressure and clarity over compliance. Whether you end up 100% sober or simply someone who drinks twice a month, the goal is the same: to ensure that when you do reach for a drink, it’s a conscious choice and not a mindless habit.

Sober curiosity isn't about judging those who drink, it’s about giving yourself permission to stop and recognize the role alcohol has in your life. It’s the realization that you don't need an excuse (like being pregnant or having a problematic relationship with alcohol) to decide that alcohol just isn't serving you anymore. When you stop drinking to "take the edge off," you might find that the edge was where all the interesting parts of your life were happening all along.