“They tried to bury us, but we were seeds.”
This quote summarizes very well what we mostly do with the negatives emotions we experience. We try to forget them, erase them, throw them behind our backs.
Millennials is a broadly defined term for those born in the ‘80s and ‘90s. They came of age at the turn of the century and with the introduction of the internet. Technology has always been a factor in their daily life and as a group, they’re known for heavy work schedules with its attendant high levels of stress and fatigue. And of course, work and family pressures can adversely affect how we think, feel, and behave.
2020, the year I changed my mental health.
There are 2 up’s and 1 down for my mental health in 2020. The up’s are that (1) I learned to listen to myself and (2) I learned to evaluate me and other people based on reality and not imagination. The (1) down is that taking the leap of faith and trusting myself is difficult because I was born, raised, and programmed to hate myself.
There is so much uncertainty concerning the future - physical, social, emotional and financial factors all threaten our security. The current pandemic has had untold consequences concerning our mental, physical and emotional wellbeing. If, like me, you have experienced anger or disappointment towards our governmental institutions for not moving as fast and as efficiently as you have hoped, or towards people not being as careful as you would like in terms of social distancing, you are not alone; feeling anxious, fearful and frustrated is understandable and natural. This is an abnormal, unprecedented situation.
This essay was submitted as an assessment for my highschool English class in 2019. The task details were to "write an opinion piece on an issue arising from one of the short stories studied".
"Vampires, real vampires, didn't nibble on the necks of nubile young virgins. They tore people to pieces and sucked the blood out of the chunks" - David Wellington
Anxiety exasperates and makes you feel so down, but there is no complete cure. Some anxiety is a part of your life and it is quite normal. It helps you to calculate risks, be aware of the danger, and stay organized. However, when anxiety becomes a daily struggle one can face symptoms like racing heart, tension, chest pain, nervousness, etc.
It’s worse at night. It’s 11pm, I’m lay in bed reading a book, alarm set for eight, and suddenly my brain connects my recent fatigue, a sore throat, and choking on the quorn nuggets I ate for dinner (which FYI are delicious) into a fear that I may have some sort of incurable cancer. I open google, which is never a good thing yet I convince myself I’m being responsible checking on my health, and my mind spirals out of control when the symptoms I’ve been experiencing lead me onto the NHS page for oesophagus cancer. I’m overwhelmed, scared, panicked. I need someone to help me stop this disease but the doctors aren’t open, nobody is awake, nobody can help. What if the endoscopy I had 6 months ago missed something? What if I’ve been ignoring symptoms and it’s too late? What if the doctor won’t send me for tests due to coronavirus?
Have you ever wondered to yourself that you’ve always felt different? Wondering why you always feel this big rush of anxiety flowing throughout your whole body and you can’t help but think of all the bad things that may happen at that moment. Constantly feeling like the attention is always on you and everyone is talking behind your back and staring hoping that you end up embarrassing yourself.
With change comes this ever encompassing feeling of dread that nothing will ever be the same.
These past few weeks have been a whirlwind of learning new school procedures for the kids’ re-entry, looking for meaningful work and learning to live within the confines of the new normal that has come with living through a global pandemic.
Psychotherapy. A scary title for those who may have fallen to the hysterical stigma around mental health. Psychotherapy is pretty exciting, and a form of care should have looked into a very long time ago. You see, Psychotherapy is the treatment of mental disorder by psychological rather than medical means. I advise you to learn this sort of therapy if you are suffering from mental health illness(es). Every therapist I have had a session with would hit me with the monotonous, "and how does that make you feel?" Mine says, "That must have made you feel inferior." My favorite is, "Jeez, you don't look good. You okay?" And I proceeded to grab my messy mane (I usually forget a scrunchie) and said, "Why? Is my fur in disarray?" We just laugh, and I appreciate that about him. He diagnosed me with PTSD and anxiety with no rush to medicate me. And truth be told, I don't ever feel like I'm in therapy. We talk about everything and anything, and I look forward to my weekly appointments. I also look forward to completing my journey with him—he has become my confidant, my mentor. He is the first in his field to make me feel so comfortable. When I address him, I address him by his first name, which makes our visits pleasant. I would recommend him in a heartbeat. I also would recommend this type of therapy for no matter the ailment of the mind. It is worth it for some peace.
We all gotta start somewhere...
I’m not a very, shall we say, “conventional” person. I almost always do things my own way, which just happens to be for the most part the backwards or hardest way. These stories will be no different. I plan on giving you all the most authentic, true, and transparent version of craziness that has been my life so far. As I stated in my little “bio” thing, I am diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. For those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s actually a fairly “new disorder”. I think that basically means that “they” just don’t know how to deal with us BPDs yet. In a way that is good, but also bad. It’s good in the fact that I think, if they did know, they would probably just throw us all on an island in the middle of the ocean and let us “split”, and “sabotage”, and “self-hate” together and each other.