All Hallows-Memes

⌁⌁~҉-҉↯҉-҉~~҉-҉↯҉-҉~~҉-҉↯҉-҉~⌁⌁

⚡ Hello again! 👋😁

It's me: __Lightning Bolt⚡!

🎼🎵🎶 It's the most monstrous time of the year! 🐈‍⬛🐦‍⬛🧛‍♀️🦇🧟‍♂️

Because I'm an avowed ghoul at heart, I personally like to commemorate every October 31st with a bloodletting, at least one mad experiment, smoking a shit-ton of witch's blunts, howling at the moon, dancing naked under the stars, possibly turning into a werewolf <if I'm lucky>, performing a ritual to glorify Dormammu (or whichever lesser demon is On Call), taking my routine midnight imaginary visit to a Taco Bell of the future, and— most importantly— by sharing this shit👇 with you,🫵 my pretties!

This is a Special Halloween edition of Meme-ing Madness! ⚡

Yaaaaay!!!

I'm giving out my goodies, sexy friends.⚡😉👍

FOR YOU 🫵 I've got Monsters & Murderers, Serial Killers & Psychopaths, Costumes & Candy, Witches & Werewolves & Ghosts & Pumpkins, oh my!

If I'm missing anything— like bats, ravens, or creatures from black lagoons— that's because I expect you to do your part and bring your own.

I've got a lot of world-class quality comedy to show you! If you don't have time to read it all today, parcel it out for the next 3-4 days.

Bookmark it for the future.

You'll be glad you did.

So how 'bout it?
Are you....

Let's set the mood by doing the Time Warp!!!!

No worries if this is your first time doing the Time Warp (where have you been?🤨 )-- Instructions Are included!

⚡😁👍

We still need more folk dancing, right?

We need foreigners with ways different than our own.

Alrighty then! I think that 👆 put us in a sweet place.

But before we proceed, you should know the standard WARNINGS apply. A short list of shit you can't sue me for because you're reading this:
I won't be held responsible if you are cursed, scarred, scared, traumatized, driven stark raving mad, possessed, obsessed, depressed, regressed, or shit your pants.
Best-case scenario is you fall madly in love with me and want to give me everything you've ever owned, and everything you ever hope to be.

Worst-case scenario: you die.

I cannot and will not be held accountable for anything that happens if you proceed beyond this point.

Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Scolleth Here!

Now that 👆 we've got that disclaimer out of the way, it's time for some Pumpkins. 💥🎃💥

"You know, very few people realize there is a second 'p' in pumpkin. It's true. There are two 'p's in pumpkin, not just the one at the beginning."

Donald Trump

I'll launch the pumpkin memes and David Letterman will launch the actual pumpkins!

⚡😁👍

You ready?

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #1)⌁⌁ The First Pumpkin 🎃

Orange has been especially frightening this year.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #2)⌁⌁ The Oldest Pumpkin 🎃

HOLY SHIT! pumpkins are scary!

That's horrifying!

But.... when I stop to think about it...

🤔

As frightful as that ghoul is, at least I know if that👆 rises out of the pumpkin patch to chase me, it'll be in a wheelchair and I'll easily outrun it.

Still...

Pumpkins are terrifying. 😱

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #3)⌁⌁ The Two Pumpkins 🎃🎃

I take it back. Pumpkins are definitely not scary.
Those👆 pumpkins make me feel a whole different kind of way.

Pumpkins might just be the very best thing about Halloween.

I mean, like, pumpkins like those👆 are worth waiting an entire year for.

Those are some seriously great pumpkins.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #4)⌁⌁ My Dirty Pumpkin 🎃

In my defense, I did that👆 at work on either a Monday or Wednesday... meaning I was likely drunk on Tequila at the time.

Or maybe Thursday when I was drunk on whiskey.

🤷‍♂️

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #5)⌁⌁ Pumpkin Party Poopers 🎃

So if no one wants to do this with me, I have an alternate pumpkin costume for anyone who wants to join me trick-or-treating.

All you gotta do is hold a lit pumpkin aloft.

I'll provide the horse and chop off your head.

Who's down for it?

I'll be swift.

⚡😁👍

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #6)⌁⌁ Promiscuous Pumpkins 🎃🎃

I'm starting to think all the pumpkins this year are sluts.

Even that old-ass Congressional pumpkin in Hallowmeme #2.🤢🤮

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #7)⌁⌁ Young and Rebellious Pumpkins 🎃🎃🎃🎃

Look!👆

A punk-in!

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #8)⌁⌁ Weird-Ass Pumpkins??

Don't tell anyone I told you so-- and Beelzebub forbid!↠

↠with anyone who doesn't dabble in the orange arts⌁

⌁but I learned the secret of how👆those are made.⌁↯

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #9)⌁⌁ Witches at Work

Those strange pumpkin-colored chewy peanut-looking quasi-candy things from Hallowmeme #7 are what results when crones fuck around with a centuries-old recipe.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #10)⌁⌁ Mini-Pumpkins

I think I'm actually running out of pumpkin memes.

Before I end the pumpkin section, though, we need an explosive pumpkin climax!! {Especially after Hallowmeme #3!}

Dave and I have just the thing.

And Now Your Costumes and Candy🍭🍬 Memes

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #11)⌁⌁ A Trick or Treat Public Service Announcement

Seriously.
I'm not judging.

But if you're that size, you might want to consider going as Jabba the Hutt instead?

I mean, sure. Jabba was a guy.
I think.
But you could go as a gender-swapping Jabba the Hutt.

It would still be less confusing than those pumpkin-colored squishy things in Hallowmeme #7.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #12)⌁⌁ Costume Etiquette

I wasn't sure what to give them👆. I decided to give the little guy some grapes and the two adults a couple bottles of wine.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #13)⌁⌁ FREE Halloween Costume

Only one in stock.

Only one will ever be in stock.

I won't make that mistake again.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #14)⌁⌁ Voted Best Halloween Costume 2026

That is seriously one awesome costume.

Those pumpkins?

Wow!

I wonder if the tattoos come with the costume?

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Again⌁⌁ I can't stress enough⌁⌁ Halloween is also for adults.

"Sticks & Stones may Break my Bones but Whips & Chains excite me."

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #15)⌁⌁ A Little Dick's Nightmare

Frightened to have kids.
Certain those👆 will never fit.
Too embarrassed not to take some anyway.

Damned if you do.
Damned if you don't.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #16)⌁⌁ Another Trick or Treat Public Service Announcement

If you're tired of having too many kids, try dressing up your snottiest one like that bitch next door.

⚡😁👍

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #17)⌁⌁ Both a Trick & a Treat

Making it self-serve eliminates all the legwork.

⚡😁👍

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #18)⌁⌁ Mmmmm! 👆😁👍 WARM!

Don't you love it when neighbors coordinate their gifts? Whoever thinks America is so divided should go to these two house for some mustarded eggs. 🥹

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #19)⌁⌁ A Trick or Treat Fortuitous Fuck-up

Need I say it yet again?

Say it with me.

Halloween is also for adults.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #20)⌁⌁ Candy with No Self Awareness

That's exactly what something gross would say.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #21)⌁⌁ Costume Negotiations

"Can I wear this same costume and go as Charlie Sheen?"

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #22)⌁⌁ Working For that Candy

So much has changed since I was a kid.

We used to buy Sugar Daddys as kids.

Now: 'kids' expect Sugar Daddys to buy stuff for us.

The 60s might have set us down a path that eventually led to lung cancer. Still: simpler times.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #23)⌁⌁ She Works Hard on that Candy

Okay, so admittedly the 1960s weren't that simple for parents, not with all the razor blades in apples. But after mom & dad finished their due diligence, at least we could all enjoy a leisurely smoke together.

The Good Ole Days.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Wait....

Did I just hear someone laughing?

For Lucifer's sake, DON'T.

It's Halloween! Don't make me come over there! You're supposed to be scared! And/or horrified!

Here. Maybe this👇 will help set a better tone.

Hallowmeme #24)⌁⌁ DON'T laugh

Run for your lives, guys!!!

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Shit. I still heard laughing! Diabolical laughing, as a matter of fact, from all you women🫵 out there.

Hallowmemes #25-26)⌁⌁ You Won't Laugh at These!

😱😱😱

😱😱😱😱😱😱

If that doesn't stop all this jocularity and scare the fuck out of you, I don't know what will!!!

🤷‍♂️⚡

It's time for the Witching Hour Memes!

We had a couple witches for Hallowmeme #8)⌁⌁ but two isn't enough to represent an entire community.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmemes #27)⌁⌁ More Boiling, Toiling, and Trouble

This is why placing commas is s,o important to prope,r communication,x.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #28-29)⌁⌁ Witches Etiquette

Another thing to remember when entertaining witches...

Witches are overly sensitive about how you apply fire.

Buckets of water too.

It freaks them out.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #30)⌁⌁ A Horse's Nightmare

Well, that's the End of the witches memes.

Time to cut the shit and get to the Slasher memes.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmemes #31)⌁⌁ A Slasher's Nightmare

Technology has destroyed the simple pleasures in taking lives.

😭😭😭😭

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #32)⌁⌁ Slashing Disrespect

It's been a tough year for slashers. I don't want to share any more of their shame or humiliation.

That's a big enough slice.

Now see memes from Mad Scientists and their Creations.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmemes #33)⌁⌁ Crimes Against the Nature Order

This👆, I'm sorry to say, is why I have no more memes from Frankenstein-- the most infamous mad scientist of all time. The dickhead wouldn't show up for me.

He did, however, issue the following statement to be passed on to you. It reads,

__Lightning Bolt is my hero. Nobody does electricity like he does. It is an injustice that the general public refers to It as Frankenstein's Monster instead of _Lightning Bolt's monster. I never could have done it without him.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Victor

As for his monster, he's still sitting on his dead green ass up there on my cover photo.

But he did make his own statement.

RRRRR.
RRRRRRRRR.

RRRR

RRRRRRRRRRRrrr RRRRRR!

Translation: "It's because of Lightning Bolt that I'm ALIVE!!!"

Both creator and creation also left their recording of the Monster Mash at the bottom of this story, after the memes.

Now Some Ghosts and Graveyards Memes.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #34)⌁⌁ Truly Scary

That's irresponsible parenting! That baby Casper is entirely too young for that material.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmemes #36)⌁⌁ A Ghost's Nightmare

The Ghost Hunters always get their spooks.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #35)⌁⌁ Specter Deception?

Someone get his ID. That might not be an apparition.

That might be the Invisible Man trying to pull another prank.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #36)⌁⌁ Ghost Pumpkins

You ever see a meme that makes you want to time travel to the future?

Yeah. 🙄 Me too.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #37)⌁⌁ The Little Old Woman at the End of the Lane

If I disappear, look for my remains under the gravestone that says...

The Bastard Who Posted Those Memes.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #38)⌁⌁ Fated to Fold for All Eternity

If I don't die because of my memes... this👆 is the second most likely way I'll lose my life.

If I disappear and you can't find me buried i that old woman's yard, look for me in a linen closet.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #39)⌁⌁ Vlad the Glad

He didn't just nail it.

He impaled it.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #40)⌁⌁ The Coolest Ghost

And with that, we transition from ghosts to...

Final Miscellaneous Monster Memes.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #41)⌁⌁ Lycanthropy 101

Does the man become the wolf...
... or ...
Does the wolf become a man?

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #42)⌁⌁ Claws WAY Worse than any Werewolf

This one isn't necessarily for Halloween, but I've saved the most frightening & disturbing memes for the end.

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #43)⌁⌁ Not for the Faint of Heart

Ew! 😳🤢🤮 I guess Halloween should just be for kids!

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

Hallowmeme #44)⌁⌁ My Only Vampire Meme

She can suck on me anytime she wants.

I don't have any holy water, crucifixes, or garlic on me.

I do have a stake for her but it's blunt.

⚡😉👍

⚡_____ ⚡ o((⊙﹏⊙))o⚡ _____ ⚡

(lastly) Hallowmeme #45⌁⌁ My Only Demon Meme

It's really the only demon meme I need.

Temptation: thy name is Pumpkins!

Does anyone know how to sign on to...?

Okay, fellow maniacs!

There's your spooky kooky flooky memes for this year.

I hope you enjoy celebrating Halloween with me!

As for me, after seeing🙄that back-to-back 🙄Vampire and Demon🙄...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!

~҉-҉↯҉-҉~

_________________Bolt⚡

Not enough cackles?
Here's my October 31st edition of Meme-ing Madness from two years ago. MORE HALLOWEEN MEMES.
⚡😁👇

The Monster Mash Bobby "Boris" Pickett and the Crypt-kickers -1962 <as promised in

The Wolf Man 1941

Dracula 1932

King Kong 1933

It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown (Full Show 1966)

Vincent Price in Bloodbath at the House of Death 1984

Little known fact: even infernal demons have also taken a hit in this economy. Take quick trip to Hell to see what I mean in this comedy I wrote. ⚡😈👇

Another little known fact: even some demons need a little love. Just ask Zaazu! ⚡😈👇

Finally: here are two straight-up horror stories, my entries in the Dead Air Challenge. Horror readers: I'd love to know if you like these!!👇

⚡

That's it!
Hope you enjoyed the show!
See ya next time!
Drive safely!

👋😁⚡