The 9 differences between love and infatuation

It is common that many times we talk about love and falling in love, two terms that can be confused and seem synonymous but are not. Therefore, in this article we will explain what these differences are and the correct meaning of each of these concepts.

Differences between infatuation and love

We also tend to think that love is related to romance, but this is not always the case. In the following lines you can find the differences between both phenomena.

1. Obsession, desire and addiction

Falling in love is a very intense feeling, which can develop quickly and has a lot to do with the neurochemical cascade that occurs in our brain and that we explain in our article “ The chemistry of love: a very powerful drug ”.

Neurotransmitters such as dopamine , serotonin or norepinephrine are involved in this married neurochemistry , which is why it is often said that love (in reality it should be falling in love) is like a drug.

Falling in love usually produces very intense emotions and the person experiences a kind of transformation in which their perception changes. That is why they say that falling in love is blind, because the person idealizes the person in love with her/him, does not stop thinking about him or her and feels full of energy. But this stage has a certain duration, and the brain, just as it happens with drugs, gets used to it. It is there where relationships are still alive or not, where the most mature and rational love is shown and where it is time to work so that the couple does not break up.

2. Different ways of loving

We usually use love and infatuation interchangeably. Although love and infatuation are not the same, it is not all romantic love either. There are, for example, mother's love and self-love. That is, there are different ways of loving .

In addition, relationships can also be characterized by different kinds of love, as explained by the triangular theory of love proposed by psychologist Robert Sternberg, which you can learn about in our article " Sternberg's triangular theory of love ".

3. Rationality

Both love and falling in love are complex phenomena, just like interpersonal love relationships . Since in falling in love the emotions are very intense and the neurochemical cascade that affects the perception of individuals is produced, it is also usually a more irrational phenomenon, in which the lover sees his partner as perfect, maximizing his positive attributes and minimizing its flaws. However, love is more rational and the person does not feel that immense desire and obsession to be with the other person.

4. The passage of time

Falling in love can appear shortly after meeting the person, because expectations, physical attraction , mystery, etc. intervene. Love, on the other hand, is a motivation that takes time to appear and has more to do with affection and communication.

5. Image perfection

As love is more rational, it does not create that idyllic image of the other person . On the other hand, falling in love makes us feel “drugged”, constantly thinking about the other one, the one we have on a pedestal. If you want to know the difference between falling in love and mature love, you can read our article “ Mature love: why is the second love better than the first? ”.

6. Live in a cloud

When we meet someone and we live the stage of falling in love, it seems that we are in a cloud. It is similar to being in a manic phase and our perception of life is positive.

That person makes us feel in full swing, as if time did not pass . However, when we love someone, we feel a great love for that person, but we do not necessarily feel in a cloud, because his presence no longer triggers the intense reactions that it triggered during falling in love.

7. Depth or shallowness

Since falling in love usually appears faster and more intensely than love, on many occasions it can be more superficial than love. Falling in love is characterized by being a love so intense that even madness can take over us .

Love, on the other hand, has more to do with the depth of feelings, since it is purer and sanity predominates in it. After falling in love love can come, but sometimes not.

8. Selfishness vs genuine intentions

Due to the depth of feeling, love also tends to produce deeper and more genuine intentions . There is only to think of the love mother and son.

9. Falling in love as a phase of love

Some authors affirm that romantic love has a series of phases . The initial phase would refer to falling in love, and according to Dorothy Tennov, this phase is called Limerence. It is a stage in which lust, illusion and the strong desire to be with the other person predominate. Euphoria and positive mood are characteristic. So are obsession, fantasy thoughts and fear of rejection.