Keep the ‘M’ and ‘E’ Gates Open in ‘MarriagE’ - Don’t Let ‘M-E’ Get in the Way!

Marriage should be repressive, not oppressive. Restrictive, yet liberating. Stressful, yet peacefully secure.

Repressive vs oppressive meaning holding something back, instead of unjustly holding someone down.

Marriage is repressive, yet in a healthy way. It keeps us from behavior that is harmful and destructive, both for ourselves, each other, our children, and society as a whole. Marriage should never be oppressive. No one should even felt held down by their spouse, but instead, held back by themselves, which indirectly honors your spouse.

Restrictive yet Liberating.

Marriage is designed with restrictions. Marriage involved two individuals taking a vow in front of the public, and often in front of their familiarize and close community, including friends, coworkers, and peers, with an understanding that certain actions will be discouraged, due to natural consequences and added stress into the institution/relationship. Restrictive can be a good thing if it is something that protects you from further harm or damage, if those restrictions were not followed or not in place at all. Within these boundaries of these restrictions within marriage, exists freedom, safety, security, curiosity, exploration, sacrifice, trust, peace, and a dedicated commitment, all of which allow for us to thrive, IF both spouses stay within the healthy bounds of the marriage. The liberation comes from the lack of worry and fear when both spouses are dedicated to one another, exclusively, constantly, and consistently. The liberation comes from having a safe place to learn more about yourself, to make mistakes, to grow, and to be forgiveness of past transgressions because it is in both of your interests to reconcile and restore that relationship, infinitely more than choosing dissolution. As dissolution is literally, the opposite of a solution, it is destruction, escape, distancing, often not for healthy reasons, but instead due to the belief all the problems go away when the marriage is dissolved, which is wholly untrue, as that is often when the real problems, stress, hardships, and all the drawbacks set with, yet without any trust, peace, security, or any of the other benefits that marriage offers, by design.

Stressful, yet peacefully secure.

Close borders spark high tensions. Learning to live with someone is a significant obstacle that most individuals experience at some point in their life. Not only living with someone, but being so deeply affected by any and all decisions, behavior, words, mistakes, emotions, and burdens of another individual, which you quickly realize much of these things to be out of your control, naturally bring stress into your life and into your home. Yet amid all the stress, there is an overwhelming peace and security within our reach if only we are willing to realize it and put in the necessary sacrifice and effort. Security comes from the trust and respite built through honesty, intimacy, longevity, and history. Peace comes from consistency, knowing what to expect, coming to understand how the other person is likely to respond in a situation. Along with this knowledge comes a confidence and awareness of how we can and should act and react, and what we should avoid, and therefore, we are guided toward victory, tranquility, and security.

Bottom line: The only thing that gets in the way of marriages thriving is ourselves. When we put ourselves first over the needs of our spouse, we tear down the trust, the security, and the peace. We start demanding instead of serving; we claim to be deserving, while no longer earning. We build up a wall, one they can’t tear down, because the message comes across loud and clear when you start looking for satisfaction, intimacy, and security where it was never meant to be found. We choose how much of the other person we let in. We choose how honest we are with them. We choose how sacrificing we are for them. We choose who we serve; is it them, or is it ourselves?

Our culture has turned marriage into a business contract, we only stay so long as we are getting what we want out of the deal, so long as it stays within our expectations so convinced we knew what we were signing up for. 55% of marriages fail, because of one reason, and one reason only, and that reason is 2 letters, and starts with an M. It can be found in any reflection or mirror. It can be supportive and constructive, or it can be poison and destructive. It can be selfless and serving, or it can be selfish and unnerving. It can be honest and caring, or it can be deceptive, apathetic and demanding.

‘Marriage’ makes sure to keep the M and the E as open possible, so there is room for someone else to come in and it be safe to do so.

M and E are the gates that must remain open to ensure a successful, enduring, and intimate marriage.