How to Reignite Desire in a Long-Term Relationship

I'm going to start this off by pointing out something that should be obvious, but often escapes a person's mind. That obvious thing is that no couple is exactly like another and there is no one solution fits all way to keep the passion or the romance alive in a long-term relationship.

Having said that, there are some concepts and some ideas that do seem applicable to most couples, so we will just stick with those for this post. I'm sure you've already heard of, and maybe even tried, some of what I'm going to say. However, I can promise you that there are going to be some ideas found here that you probably never thought of at all.

More Passion Via Less Intercourse

I know, you read that heading and thought I lost my mind. At first glance, it makes absolutely no sense what-so-ever. Let me explain and you'll see the fun and the brilliance of it, though.

Earlier I wrote a post titled, "A 35-Year-Old Virgin Woman Inspired This One" that broke down the idea of having a relationship that included everything up to and including oral sex, but with no intercourse. The really cool thing about this idea is that it is also a great way to reignite passion and desire in your long term relationship too. For one week, two weeks, or however long you both decide, you agree that there will be no intercourse... just all foreplay.

Take away the "goal" or expectation of intercourse. Instead, for however long you both decide it will be, your sex life will be only exploring each other's bodies. Touches, caresses, kisses, and ensuring that you tease and pleasure all the spots and triggers on your partner that you probably rush over as of late. Let me guess... you just denied doing that, right? Ask your partner if you still take the time on those spots and on the teasing, like you did at the start of your relationship. I'm willing to bet you'll get a wake up call.

Yes, I'm talking to the men and the women here when I say that. You'll be surprised how well this makes you slow down and rediscover your partner in a new way... that may also feel familiar in a way. It's even more fun than it sounds. In fact, you can even make a game of it... see who "breaks" first and initiates intercourse.

King or Queen for a Day

There is a good chance that you have already guessed what this idea is and how it will go. It is actually very simple in terms of the concept. How simple it is in execution will depend greatly on you and your partner.

For one day or night (at least 12 hours if you can't do a full 24) one of you is either King or Queen for the day. Now, if you want this to include everything, such as, where to go, what to eat, and so on... go for it. However, at the base of this idea, the King or Queen gets any touching, caressing, or "more" that they want... any time they want... anywhere they want. Obviously, try to stay within the law and the bounds of human decency with this one, but you can still get very creative and fun with this. To clarify, when I say stay within the law and bounds of human decency, I'm saying don't get yourselves arrested and don't do things you shouldn't around kids or in church. After all, it's very hard to reignite passion if one or both of you are in jail or prison.

Also, worth saying is this: if you get to be King or Queen for a day, make sure that your partner gets a turn on another day.

Sometimes Indoor Fashion Matters

It is very easy in a long term relationship to forget that how you present yourself during the day matters still. I'm not saying that you need to be in lingerie all the time or dressed up like you are in a Bond movie. No, just pay attention to how you dress going to bed, how you dress for the night, pay attention to how and where you undress.

Life gets busy and responsibilities pile up and suddenly, you are only wearing your bum clothes, granny/grandpa clothes, or "I rolled out of bed like this" look... for the whole day and night. If you want to reignite the passion in your long term relationship, and keep it ignited... you both have to try. You both have to be aware of how you present to your partner and what message you are constantly sending to them. Your clothes and your attitude can often scream "I'm too busy to want you" or "I'm getting things done and you're just here" or any number of a million other things. All of them, things you don't want to tell your partner and maybe don't even realize you are saying to your partner without words.

Any time I tell my female friends that, they often come back with "but I stay cold, even in the house" or something of that nature. That's fair, but instead of the grandma robe over the flannel pajamas and granny panties... maybe try a flannel that goes past your knees and is all button up, with socks that you can even pull up like stockings (his if you want), no bra, and panties that are comfortable but still sexy? I promise the outfit will help you be warm... his reaction to it will keep you warm.

Guys, instead of throwing on some boxers and a stained t-shirt and walking around the house, try some gray sweatpants that fit just right and a nice-looking pajama top that lets your chest show a little and your arm muscles be seen with each movement. Is she more turned on by you wearing something else each night? Ask her, then do it.

Conclusion... For Now

There are hundreds of additional ideas and tips I could give you, but first try the ones I've already given you. For now, I am going to sum up the most important aspect of reigniting passion in your long term relationship. It's a really simple and basic answer, but it works... talk to each other.

Don't be afraid to tell your partner what you like, what turns you on, what perhaps has gone missing. Then, listen as they equally tell you the same. Remember what they said and remember what you have and haven't told them. It's cliche but it's true... communication is everything. However, even communication without effort is doomed to fail. Talk, listen, then do. After that... rinse and repeat.