comedy
Comedy and humor in the sexuality space.
It is With Much Regret That I Must Inform You I Cannot Accept the Position of Your Boyfriend
Author's preface: While digging through my vast archives I stumbled across this humor piece from 2018. It was a response to an article in which the author informed a sometimes hook up partner that she would accept him as her boyfriend were he to meet a series of very specific requirements. She wrote it in the form of a job acceptance letter in which she was the company CEO and he the job applicant. It was hard to tell if she was being serious or if it was all tongue in cheek. In any case I had to respond in kind and what you see below is that response. Unfortunately I cannot locate the original article upon which this was based and did not link it for reasons I cannot recall, but most likely simple laziness. This post was particularly popular (for me) and it spurred a lot of discussion in the comments section. Not sure if this is going to make the 600 word cutoff or not so going to pad this preface with just a couple of sentences worth of nonsense in order that I might play it safe. Hmmm. Maybe just one or two more filler sentences and then I should be good. This would be the second filler sentence. And, to play it really safe, here is the third. Thank you six hundred word count minimum for another waste of thirty seconds of mine, and whoever is reading this, day. Dumbest rule, ever. In any case, enjoy!
Everyday JunglistPublished 3 years ago in FilthyHow to: Tell if Someone is Flirting with You
Flirting is a mystic art that befuddles the senses and dances just out of view when you try to get a good look. Confusion reigns on its purple misted battlefield and the bystander casualties mount higher everyday. Missed connections are the least of it. Skip the mess; follow these simple steps to figure out whether a friend is shooting unacknowledged flirts at your oblivious face.
Losing My Virginity in Public
As a teen, I wasn't overly into sports. I wasn't one of the many kids at my school with an obsession for skating, or surfing, or passive activities like watching anime or playing video games. I wasn't a big reader nor addicted to the cinema. I found the other boys at my high school were interested in a wide variety of things, but myself, I only cared for the girls.
Aubrey KatePublished 3 years ago in FilthyMy Filthy Mind
Before I start, don't dare tell me that you don't have a dirty mind. Yes...I mean you, standing by the fridge and thinking "That cucumber is thicker than my mans dick!" or "My female crushes nipples taste as good as those cherries look." You cant tell me that you people who write the filthiest stories have not been there, because in order to write a filthy story in the first place, one must have a filthy imagination, and please, do excuse me (or not!), but I do have a very filthy mind when it comes to both men and women, and to you embarrassed to read this, I stick my tongue out and say "Nah! nah! nah! I'm too hot to handle for you!"
Carol TownendPublished 3 years ago in FilthySt Nick The Dick
Foreword By Robbie Smithson I think its obvious Santa is an asshole. There’s a song called Grandma got run over by a reindeer. Hmmm, who drives reindeer again? OH, I think its Santa Claus, aka St. Nick. Mr. Vehicular manslaughter himself. So why was Santa not paying attention enough to notice grandma, before she got ran over. I’m gonna have to guess he was drinking and driving a sleigh. That is strike one, St Nick… you asshole.
Luke SimpsonPublished 3 years ago in FilthyCan you write me a porno comedy?
A year ago, a female friend who works for a company that produces women-friendly short porno movies emailed me and asked if I could help her write a short funny porno movie for her. So below is my first attempt to write a porn comedy. (Note: Due to COVID, they shut down making movies until 2022, and this movie may or may not happen next year.)
Tim WrightPublished 3 years ago in FilthyBurgers, Drinks and Salsa Music
“Hello baby girl how are you?” “Where’ve you been Kathryn? I’ve been trying to reach you all evening.” “Kathryn? I must be in trouble if you are using that name.”
I was a 5th Grade Sex God
Hi. My name is Stuart and I would like to invite you to travel back to the 1980s with me so I can share with you, how my odd little brain had me fooled into believing that I was the greatest womanizing virgin that had ever walked the Earth. I was convinced that my woman loving would go down in history, overshadowing tales of the great Don Juan Demarco and Gene Simmons of the rock band, KISS, who was my god and idol that I so excessively had posters and pictures of, plastered on every wall in my bedroom from the ripe age of 6 years old.
TANK TANKENSTEINPublished 3 years ago in FilthyInterpreting 70s and 80s Music
You know the bit from Resevoir Dogs about "Like a Virgin" by Madonna? Full disclosure, I've never seen the film, but I remember a good friend recounting this scene to me in stellar detail. We'll call that friend Juliet.
christiangstPublished 3 years ago in FilthyGreatness Is in the Hole of the Beholder
There are two main reasons why Gideon always chooses the penthouse suites of the Palm d’Or hotel chain. One are the voice activated blackout window panels: to keep his one-night stands fast asleep as he quietly hotfoots it out; that way, he never risks awkward and pointless morning-after banter. The panels are impeccable at their job; not a sliver of light creeps in, and there is never any talk of next encounters.
Pedro B. GormanPublished 3 years ago in FilthyHandle With Care
Alfie really fancied Emma, and he was quietly confident that she felt the same way about him. Their kissing and fumbling had become quite intense of late, and Alfie felt sure that it was time for him to make the next move. He had no reason to doubt that she would respond in a mutually satisfactory way when he did so.
John WelfordPublished 3 years ago in FilthyThe Bull Fluffer
Fluffer- (noun) a person in the adult entertainment industry whose job it is to give male porno stars blowjobs in order to get them ready to perform. Urban Dictionary
Jay RobbinsPublished 3 years ago in Filthy