St Nick The Dick

Foreword

By Robbie Smithson

I think its obvious Santa is an asshole. There’s a song called Grandma got run over by a reindeer. Hmmm, who drives reindeer again? OH, I think its Santa Claus, aka St. Nick. Mr. Vehicular manslaughter himself. So why was Santa not paying attention enough to notice grandma, before she got ran over. I’m gonna have to guess he was drinking and driving a sleigh. That is strike one, St Nick… you asshole.

What about the song, I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus? That song basically says Santa Claus cheated on Mrs. Claus. How dare Santa make out with another woman, then have the audacity to judge boys and girls on who’s good and bad. Hypocrite much St. Nick. That’s my two cents worth, that’s for sure. Well enjoy this book of rhymes, this time.

Chapter 1

St Nick…. The Dick

St Nick the Dick, with a story to tell

St Nick the Dick, I’ll see you in hell

Ted Bundy asked for a rope and a knife

St Nick said sure, and have a nice life

St Nick the dick who kisses your wife

Is a hero who all the kids like

St Nick the dick will grant your wish,

If he can fuck your wife and mistress

John Wayne Gacy asked for a clown costume

And a few little boys and a thing of perfume

St Nick the Dick verily hooked him all up

St Nick the dick drinking blood from a cup

The school shooters who asked Santa for guns

St Nick said sure, don’t forget to have fun

Son of Sam asked for a nice 44

The Green River Killer asked for some whores

St Nick will give you shit from your list

Just don’t forget cookies or Santa will get pissed

My drunk dad asked for 12 pints of whiskey

I got beat up real good and my mom just got frisky

St Nick you dick, the stories you tell

ST Nick you dick, please please rot in hell

My bullies in school asked Santa for drugs

They soon got high, and I soon got fucked

Got slammed in lockers, and punched in the balls

If you need an asshole, give Santa a call,

St Nick you dick, where is your coal

I hope you go to jail, and get filled in all holes

What if Santa granted the evil man’s desires?

To let the world, burn and help set the fires

What if Santa was real, would he give me toys

Or ignore my cries, like its nothing, white noise

St Nick, St Nick Santa you fuck

I’ll send you my list, but I doubt I’ll have luck

The End